Kids and How To Date Responsibly After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several instances when a child does not take it well when their dad or mom starts dating someone after a divorce. The million dollar question is how does a parent handle the kid(s) in such a situation.

Your kid(s) could be upset for an end number of complex reasons. They could be apprehensive that a new stepparent may make things quite complicated and take all their parent’s attention. The matter of territory also plays a big part in how they feel about it. They have started thinking that you are their mother/father, it is only their house and the new person is not their dad or mom. Such emotions could be overwhelming as well as scary for them.

Speak to your kids about what impact does your dating have on them. Find out what are those aspects which are upsetting them. Such an understanding can be useful for you to make this new experience simpler on them. In case you find that your child is worried that your dating will limit your time together, you should make sure that you spend some exclusive one-on-one time with them. If they do not like to see you around with a man/woman apart from their father/mother, explain to them that you are trying to make new friends just like they would do in a completely new situation.

You should make all attempts to ensure that you are maintaining the same routine with your child so that the new dating does not have any impact in their day-to-day life. However, it is not mandatory that they should meet every guy/girl you are going out on a date. The reason being it may be both confusing and overwhelming for them. You should wait for a while till the time you are sure that the said relationship is getting to the next level and then introduce him or her to your kids.

A little patience can solve lots of problems

You need to be patient since it could take time for your children to adjust to the new person in your life. There are many children who keep hoping and wishing that both the parents will eventually be together. However, ultimately, most of the times they want their mother and father be happy in each other’s company. It may also help when you seek out for professional help such as other divorced parents or a good marriage counselor.

Your divorce could be tough on your child

When you get a divorce from your spouse, it can be tough for the parents as well as for their children. Children may demonstrate emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness as a means of responding to the loss of a usual two-parent family. Such emotions may lead your child exhibiting social withdrawal, symptoms, aggressiveness, facing difficulties in school, behaviors or any other types of social problems. Thus parents can try to deal with such behaviors in their kids by being frank with their off-springs and discussing these issues frankly.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorce And The Effect On Immigration Status

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top family lawyers Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmImmigration, in a few cases, can be affected by divorce. This is specially applicable for people who has immigrated to the United States based on marriage which has, until that time, not completed two years at the time the said person has gained entry into the United States. The conditional resident, if he or she wants to obtain a status of full permanent residence, should file the requisite petition with US Citizenship and Immigration Services or USCIS. This must be done before second anniversary of being admitted into the country. If the marriage is intact at that point of time, the immigrant spouse will get full permanent residence. On the other hand, if the marriage gets dissolved, the concerned immigrant spouse will lose his or her status. The person could get deported.

Sponsored spouse and divorce

In case you have sponsored the immigration application of your spouse and find yourself at the end of your marriage, you must withdraw the sponsorship as quickly as possible. This is as you have assumed all responsibilities of being supportive of your spouse and the latter’s dependents. When you signed affidavit of support, you have accepted all the legal responsibility when it comes to financially supporting all sponsored immigrants until the time they become citizens of the United States. Do note that a divorce will not terminate all financial responsibilities towards the immigrant spouse prior to he or she gaining US citizenship. Your responsibility will be over only if your spouse exits the US. You must withdraw any Affidavit of Support and the Petition for Alien Relatives as quickly as possible in case divorce proceedings are near.

Post divorce immigration applications

When the USCIS have to make a decision on a particular immigration application based on marriage, the immigrant spouse will then be regarded as out of status when the marriage is dissolved. A strong possibility exists that your alien spouse could be departed after the divorce is finalized.

Maintaining immigration status

If you are an alien spouse and is conditional alien resident being in the US for a minimum of two years, then you will have no need to ask for your partner’s help when it comes to processing I-751 petition. You can ask for a waiver if the marriage is lesser than two years. This waiver can be based on grounds like extreme hardship on deportation, battered spouse or termination of good faith marriage. Having a child also halts deportation proceedings.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why You Should Put Your Kids First During Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmMany parents have a belief that their kids are emotionally more pliant and flexible as compare to them and they can cope up with the aftereffects of their parents’ divorce. The divorce experience of any child will shape up based on how well their parents look after them even after the divorce is finalized so that they feel loved and secure.

Here are some of the top reasons why your children should be given first priority during your divorce:

Your divorce can mean a big change in the lives of your children

Such changes include getting involved in the conflict between you and their other parent, an absence of emotional security, economic difficulty, and change of residence and so on.

A divorce can make a child feel that he or she has now lost their family which has been the center of their world till now.

When children grow up in a family where conflicts and stress factors are low, they feel secure and their family acts as a shield of security for them. This feeling of security and belongingness enable a child to face the world with confidence and widen their outlooks as they know that they have a secure home to return to. When this intact family does not exist anymore after their parent’s divorce, it is as shocking as a death in the family for a child. Thus there should be a proper grieving period and they should be given the time and the opportunity to substitute it with a fresh kind of a security.

The risks of sociological, educational and psychological problems of a child may go up after their parent’s divorce

All aspects of a kid’s life get impacted when his or her parents decide to divorce; they may even have a change in relationship with their close friends. Additionally, their capability to concentrate and focus in school may also get negatively impacted. As such, there is a great deal of likelihood for such a child to feel depressed and anxious.

Kids may go through emotional trauma and pain after their parents’ divorce

Irrespective of how much effort a parent puts in and how good they are in their parenting skills, children may still feel lost and sad after the divorce or while the divorce is going on, the divorce of their parents will always hurt children. It is not true that children are always happy when their parents are happy.

There are some parents who are under a misconception that their kids spend energy and time thinking about their happiness.  However, children are always more concerned about their own happiness, especially during such trying times.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Handle A Divorce You Don’t Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmEver since many states implemented the no-fault divorce laws, a divorce cannot be stopped legally after the procedure starts. Under such laws, a person enjoys a right to get a divorce without procuring permission from the other spouse or showing grounds for divorce. A no-fault divorce law regards a marriage as a contract. Laws ensure that the party that wants to come out the marriage is adequately protected legally instead of protecting the other spouse that wants to stay in that marriage.

Check out some of the ways to handle a divorce you may not want, in a mature manner.

Be calm and do not show your agitation when you learn about your divorce.

Your hostility and fury should be within check and show your concern that your spouse has reached to that point emotionally where she or he feels that divorce is the only solution for them.  Your broken marriage cannot be fixed by your outburst and your behavior may even make it worse, In case your spouse is no longer drawn to you and is on the verge of filing the divorce. Also, tell them that it is only fair to give some efforts before taking petition, you should control your hurt feelings and pride so that both of you are open and rational with each other and you are aware what your spouse requires from you so that he or she may contemplate restoring the marriage.

Do not shirk from accepting your responsibility in the issues that came up in your marriage

You should give an opportunity to your spouse to share their emotions and feelings with you and learn what they regard as the key issues and then respond by not opposing their feelings. Offer to work together in a collaborative and amicable manner so that it is easier to find solutions for those issues. The process involves looking at this situation from the perspective of your spouse. This way you will get to hear your spouse’s version. Although you may feel that they are being crazy and giving excuses, not are their point of view and opposing the feelings of your spouse will not help you to restore your crumbling marriage.

You can request your spouse to hold the divorce for some time till you both have met and consulted a marital therapist.

You can try to explain your wife or husband that it s your belief that adequate work has not been done to repair the concerns that came up in your marriage before making the final call.

However, whether you succeed in stopping your divorce and marriage work will depend on how complex your marital problems are. It also depends on the extent of emotional detachment your spouse is going through.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Can Your Spouse Say ‘No’ When You File For Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmYour spouse does not enjoy the legal right to decide if you can opt for a divorce or not. If your spouse abuses you basically or mentally, his response is expected as he feels there is nothing wrong to be violent with his spouse. However, he or she is nurturing a misconception that the law gives him or her that kind of control to exert.

How does a divorce work?

In such scenarios, or is better for you to hire the services of a good divorce attorney and let him file your divorce petition irrespective of whether your husband has granted permission go ahead with the divorce or not.

Alternatively, you can get in touch with a clerk of your local court and inquire for information how to file a divorce petition if you do not want to hire a divorce attorney. While your former spouse may not be exactly pleased with your right to do so, he or she cannot do anything about your power to divorce him or her. Your case may in a different manner in different states. It is not an unusual phenomenon in a divorce where one of the spouses may not agree to sign the divorce petition so that that it can be referred to as an uncontested divorce,

What is a default divorce?

After you have filed your divorce petition, your spouse has a month to respond up it. In case he or she does not respond within this period, the court will regard the matter as his refusal of an uncontested divorce. The court will enough issue a default divorce in your favor.

However, there are some states where the court may set a further date when your spouse does not respond to the initial divorce filing. While this can be a lengthier process bit in case your spouse is absent on the date set by the court, a divorce will be granted to you on the basis of the information furnished by you in the original divorce petition. If you have hired a local divorce lawyer, he or she will guide and advise you on the steps to be followed in accordance to the jurisdiction of your court. Thus, the bottom line is that it is possible for you to brain a divorce though your spouse refused to sign.

However, you can be certain that although he refused to sign on the divorce papers initially, once you file for it, he or she is also likely to hire a good attorney and may name attempts of abiding you through your Family Court System. So, get ready for a high conflict divorce process. You need to discuss your situation thoroughly to the attorney hired and ensure that you have approached one who has the necessary skills and experiences in handling cases for victims of marital abuse. Additionally, if you feel that there is any kind of danger lurking from his end, be prompt enough to procure a restraining order from your court.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Cope With Mistrust After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmCheating is the first thought to haunt the minds of many when they think of the impact of mistrust in any marriage. A big question that also comes into one’s mind is whether a person who cheated on his or her spouse should be trusted again or not. A partner who was betrayed has a tough time in deciding whether the relationship can sustain or not. When a person divorces the spouses who cheated on him or her, it becomes difficult to enter into a new relationship. The reason is simple.

Coping with mistrust can be really difficult, especially after a divorce.  Trust has a wide scope and it is not only about catching a partner lying or speaking the truth. Trust is also all about believing that the other spouse has the best interests in their hearts for their partners. On the other hand, mistrust is all about leaving a lingering doubt in one’s mind that his or her partner does not love them truly and can even leave them. While your spouse may proclaim his or her love send undying devotion for you, do their actions echo what they keep saying?

Mistrust and cheating may not be related always

Once your marriage breaks up; it can lay down a foundation for the birth of mistrust even in your new relationships. Mistrust may pop up even if your partner has not cheated on you. It can happen due to the emotional baggage a person carries after getting divorced for the first time.

You need to understand an important point while exploring this issue. It is highly likely that your partner is not the only person to take the entire responsibility of creating mistrust in you. There are several scenarios where you may also have to own up some kind of a responsibility so that there is an atmosphere of security, safety and loyalty in your relationship.

Some questions to be considered while overcoming mistrust

  • Do you feel uncomfortable while asking for what you require and permit yourself to be vulnerability in the process?
  • Does your apprehension of loss confuse your original perspective and ends up overreacting to your partner’s actions?
  • Do you permit yourself to be respected, loved and pampered?
  • Are you in your best possible self while interacting with your partner? 

You should take lessons from your past mistakes and try acquiring trust

You can learn and nurture trust like any other skill though many people do not regard it as such. While many people discuss about proving their trust, rating trust and restoring trust, very people talk about learning to trust. However, if you develop a viewpoint that you are loved by your partner, trust will automatically come up in your married life.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How to Deal With Not Seeing Your Kids Every Day After The Divorce is Over

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmSpending time away from one’s kids can really be devastating for a parent. It is a natural desire for parents to be in the company of their kids every day. Parents expect to dine with their little ones, to tell bed time stories before putting them into their beds and listen to what they did in the entire day. Parents also love hugging and kissing their kids to show their affection for their offspring. Hence when you spend too much time away from them, there could be co-parenting conflicts with the other parent

Such emotions are not unusual as protecting and caring for one’s kid is in the DNA. Even the thought of staying away from them can be painful and scary. It is not like someone is telling the co-parents that way. Such pain is not simply a feeling, it is real. No parent would voluntarily opt to go through that kind of anguish at any point in their lives.

Check out some of the following strategies that can help a parent to deal with such a pain.

You should remember that no emotional state is permanent

While you must be going through a lot of mental agonies, they will soon pass. When a parent faces such intense emotions, they may feel trapped for always. However, that is not true.

Learn ways of managing emotional stress

These mental states can be really painful. But it is crucial to know ways of one’ tolerating these as well as gliding through them. A parent should develop skills such as mindfulness to cope up with such mental states.

Do not shirk to approach for help.

You can consult a therapist or even approach a good support group. It will help you to remember that there are people around you and spending these difficult moments with others can be a big help.

Leave your home from time to time

The natural ambiance and fresh air can do wonders for your mental state. When you stay in foes for long hours and brood, it will be a big help to come out of your existing emotional state.

Read a lot

Many people who read a lot are known to combat difficult phases in their lives successfully and face the world once again.

Spend more time with families and friends

Make plans to go out with your family or friends. For instance, you can watch a movie together, attend a concert or enjoy a picnic.

Follow your passion

Many times, family responsibilities make your passions and hobbies to take a backseat. It is the perfect time to pursue your interests once again. So get engages in an activity or a hobby that will help you not to think too much.’

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How To Get Over Loneliness After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmNothing can be more difficult than the transition period in a divorce from being used to a companion to being all alone. Though a divorce may be undesirable and sudden, it can become quite unsettling especially since one may feel extremely lonely after the divorce gets finalized. Conquering such emotions may not be an easy task for someone who is not used to living alone in an empty house ever. While there are several cases where one of the parties might have jumped into another relationship post divorce to overcome their loneliness, such a step has backfired. That is perhaps because such people had carried an emotional baggage into their new relationships even before they could have a check on their emotions and feelings.

Check out a couple of ways to get over loneliness after your divorce.

Spend more time on the Internet to use it more productively and participate in local area events

One of the saddest parts after a divorce can be feeling lonely due to losing of mutual friends or feeling uncertain about how to make new friends. There are many good friendship websites on the net and you can try some of them out when you are looking around for new companionship. Once you have made new friends or re-established a connection with the old ones, you can go out for lunch together, watch movies or chill out. You can even go to a cafeteria or an art exhibition together. It is highly possible to meet likeminded people when you attend the events in your locality frequently. Why not try reaching out to some of those folks who you are already familiar with and go out together for certain informal social events? You should also make it a point to depend on more time with your family members such as nephews as well as nieces. If you ever come across people who are newly single, they will definitely advise you to keep yourself busy to cope up with your loneliness.

Doing simple and mundane house risks like mopping the floors at your home can help you to keep engaged. You can also join organizations that need volunteers for doing social work. You should contemplate about joining volunteering that will help you to get connected with others. When you are isolated, loneliness cannot be avoided. Although meeting new people and creating your new life is a long and time-consuming process, it is not an impossible thing to happen.

You should go out and start socializing while trying to get over your loneliness after the divorce

You could be used to going out for a film with your now divorced spouse when your marriage continued. However, situations are different now and you can go to a coffee house and opt for a community table rather than sitting solo. You can opt for reading a newspaper or can even socialize with others. It is the perfect stage in your life to join other people in certain activities.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Smart Tips for Stay-At-Home Mothers Facing Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Child custody attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmBoth you and your former spouse had your own distinct roles while you were married and a stay at home mother. While your ex husband worked outside, you did your work inside the home. In fact, everything went on pretty well.

But now that you are getting divorced, you need to do plenty of things to ensure that your divorce remains a smooth process. It is particularly true since you are looking forward to a fresh beginning after your divorce comes through.

Here are some of the smart tips, which can be a big differentiator to thrive successfully after your divorce gets finalized,

Get yourself an experienced accountant

It may be the case that both you and your then spouse have hired an accountant while you were married. but now that a divorce period has been already filed, it is better to have a separate accountant . You should have your own accountant for two main reasons. Firstly, there could be occasions during the divorce proceeding when an accountant will be needed by you for reviewing potential settlements. He or she will help you to realize what could be the consequences in terms of taxation. When you have a separate accountant, you can get the get the best possible guidance from them. Secondly, divorce may have some tax implications. It is particularly true in the first couple of years.  For instance you could be a co-owner of your home. Alternatively you may have to file certain forms to make sure that your returns are filed properly. When you have an accountant to guide you, handling such issues becomes child play.

You need to have a reputable financial adviser in your team

Just like having an accountant can save your headaches with respect to taxes, a good financial advisor can guide you in examining choices of potential settlement from the perspective of both future plans and cash on hand. They can even advise you to invest in non-retirement or retirement funds that you get as a result of your divorce settlement. Thus they will help you to carve out a budget so that you are aware the kind of support required for you after the divorce and help you to be out of financial difficulty.

Get an appraisal of your home done

A big blunder committed by many estranged couples is that they make a guess of the worth of their home. Your house could be the biggest asset so its proper calculation is a must. It will not be of much use to rely on only certain real-estate sites.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Documents Your Divorce Lawyer Will Need In The Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYour divorce attorney will need certain crucial financial documents before the divorce proceedings start and during such proceedings. Some such documents include income related documents and tax returns.  Other documents that your lawyer will need are property valuations, marital debts, documentation of assets, and related documents.

While you are getting your documents, your attorney may ask for digital or hard copies of them. However, you should make it a point to keep copies of all those documents you handed over to your divorce attorney. If you have handed them over the digital copies, save another copy either online using a cloud based service or take a backup of it. When you show these documents online through software like Google Docs, you can easily access them and you can always fetch them even if your system crashes,

It is also imperative that an organized and complete file with all the relevant documents is submitted to your attorney. It will then enable to make your negotiation process run in a smoother manner. On the other hand, when you need to approach the court, a well-organized file will help you to provide better supportive evidence in your favor.

  1. Income related documents
  • If you are employed, you need to collate pay slips from both your present and previous employers for the last one year. In case you are self-employed, you need to submit business forms or income tax returns that are associated with the income generated from your self-employment.
  • If possible, get the pay slips of your spouse for the same duration.
  • You need to also submit copies of individual or joint tax returns as applicable for both federal and state for the last 3 years.
  • When either your spouse or you are self-employed, it is also necessary to get documents relevant to your business expenses.
  • Copies of statements highlighting net worth or any other financial statements that were prepared by your spouse or you to secure bank loans.
  1. Real estate related documents
  • Present mortgage statements that you could be having on a real estate asset.
  • All documents that legally describe whether the said real estate is owned separately or together.
  • Documents related to the real estate’s initial purchase.
  • Statement of tax assessor related to a real estate.
  • In case any refinancing has been done for a real estate, you need to submit all the documents related to such a refinance.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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