How To Reconcile After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have already signed the settlement documents but a part of you all of a sudden feels that you should not have finalized your divorce. Hence, you are anxious to know ways of reconciling your marriage. In case you feel that the issues in the marriage can be reversible and both of you can work towards resolving them, there is a possibility of reconciliation. The most crucial point to note here is that while putting in efforts to reunite with your spouse, you may have to begin all over. Thereafter, you may consider these ways for reconciliation after your divorce.

Talk as much as possible

Remember the time when you met your ex-spouse for the first time?  Both of you spoke and communicated a lot. You need to repeat the same process all over again. Speak to your ex-husband or ex-wife as much as possible. Email, text or call to discuss the issues that is crucial in their day. You should also show your enthusiasm in all those activities your former partner is interested in. Be vocal and compliment him/her. Tell your ex-spouse how much you missed them. Once the initial courting period ends, ask then for the first date. You should regard this date as an occasion as if you are young out with a new person.

Discuss the issues and concerns that haunted your marriage

Once you have established a rapport with your ex-husband or wife, you can start discussing the issues related to your marriage. The most appropriate time for doing this is when you realize that your ex-spouse is ready for commitment once again. After all, you round hardly want history to repeat itself once again. Else your new relationship may have the same conclusion like your previous marriage had. You need to be frank about discussing what went wrong the previous time Keep an open mind when you discuss the causes of the breakup. At times discussing these things can be tough and so counseling could be an excellent mechanism to bring out the concerns in the open so that you can work on them to sort out as effectively as possible.

Proceed gradually and be cautious

While it is easy to hurry up in re-establishing the rapport with your former spouse since it may feel like you are dating him/her for the first time like the old days, you need to apply caution. Do not get carried away by your emotions since things may crash. You should take one step at a time and keep a close tab on how things are progressing between the two of you. Though you should appreciate that it is a fresh beginning, do not forget that there is a past attached to it, which requires resolution and contemplation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

Kids and How To Date Responsibly After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several instances when a child does not take it well when their dad or mom starts dating someone after a divorce. The million dollar question is how does a parent handle the kid(s) in such a situation.

Your kid(s) could be upset for an end number of complex reasons. They could be apprehensive that a new stepparent may make things quite complicated and take all their parent’s attention. The matter of territory also plays a big part in how they feel about it. They have started thinking that you are their mother/father, it is only their house and the new person is not their dad or mom. Such emotions could be overwhelming as well as scary for them.

Speak to your kids about what impact does your dating have on them. Find out what are those aspects which are upsetting them. Such an understanding can be useful for you to make this new experience simpler on them. In case you find that your child is worried that your dating will limit your time together, you should make sure that you spend some exclusive one-on-one time with them. If they do not like to see you around with a man/woman apart from their father/mother, explain to them that you are trying to make new friends just like they would do in a completely new situation.

You should make all attempts to ensure that you are maintaining the same routine with your child so that the new dating does not have any impact in their day-to-day life. However, it is not mandatory that they should meet every guy/girl you are going out on a date. The reason being it may be both confusing and overwhelming for them. You should wait for a while till the time you are sure that the said relationship is getting to the next level and then introduce him or her to your kids.

A little patience can solve lots of problems

You need to be patient since it could take time for your children to adjust to the new person in your life. There are many children who keep hoping and wishing that both the parents will eventually be together. However, ultimately, most of the times they want their mother and father be happy in each other’s company. It may also help when you seek out for professional help such as other divorced parents or a good marriage counselor.

Your divorce could be tough on your child

When you get a divorce from your spouse, it can be tough for the parents as well as for their children. Children may demonstrate emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness as a means of responding to the loss of a usual two-parent family. Such emotions may lead your child exhibiting social withdrawal, symptoms, aggressiveness, facing difficulties in school, behaviors or any other types of social problems. Thus parents can try to deal with such behaviors in their kids by being frank with their off-springs and discussing these issues frankly.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Cope With Mistrust After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmCheating is the first thought to haunt the minds of many when they think of the impact of mistrust in any marriage. A big question that also comes into one’s mind is whether a person who cheated on his or her spouse should be trusted again or not. A partner who was betrayed has a tough time in deciding whether the relationship can sustain or not. When a person divorces the spouses who cheated on him or her, it becomes difficult to enter into a new relationship. The reason is simple.

Coping with mistrust can be really difficult, especially after a divorce.  Trust has a wide scope and it is not only about catching a partner lying or speaking the truth. Trust is also all about believing that the other spouse has the best interests in their hearts for their partners. On the other hand, mistrust is all about leaving a lingering doubt in one’s mind that his or her partner does not love them truly and can even leave them. While your spouse may proclaim his or her love send undying devotion for you, do their actions echo what they keep saying?

Mistrust and cheating may not be related always

Once your marriage breaks up; it can lay down a foundation for the birth of mistrust even in your new relationships. Mistrust may pop up even if your partner has not cheated on you. It can happen due to the emotional baggage a person carries after getting divorced for the first time.

You need to understand an important point while exploring this issue. It is highly likely that your partner is not the only person to take the entire responsibility of creating mistrust in you. There are several scenarios where you may also have to own up some kind of a responsibility so that there is an atmosphere of security, safety and loyalty in your relationship.

Some questions to be considered while overcoming mistrust

  • Do you feel uncomfortable while asking for what you require and permit yourself to be vulnerability in the process?
  • Does your apprehension of loss confuse your original perspective and ends up overreacting to your partner’s actions?
  • Do you permit yourself to be respected, loved and pampered?
  • Are you in your best possible self while interacting with your partner? 

You should take lessons from your past mistakes and try acquiring trust

You can learn and nurture trust like any other skill though many people do not regard it as such. While many people discuss about proving their trust, rating trust and restoring trust, very people talk about learning to trust. However, if you develop a viewpoint that you are loved by your partner, trust will automatically come up in your married life.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How To Get Over Loneliness After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmNothing can be more difficult than the transition period in a divorce from being used to a companion to being all alone. Though a divorce may be undesirable and sudden, it can become quite unsettling especially since one may feel extremely lonely after the divorce gets finalized. Conquering such emotions may not be an easy task for someone who is not used to living alone in an empty house ever. While there are several cases where one of the parties might have jumped into another relationship post divorce to overcome their loneliness, such a step has backfired. That is perhaps because such people had carried an emotional baggage into their new relationships even before they could have a check on their emotions and feelings.

Check out a couple of ways to get over loneliness after your divorce.

Spend more time on the Internet to use it more productively and participate in local area events

One of the saddest parts after a divorce can be feeling lonely due to losing of mutual friends or feeling uncertain about how to make new friends. There are many good friendship websites on the net and you can try some of them out when you are looking around for new companionship. Once you have made new friends or re-established a connection with the old ones, you can go out for lunch together, watch movies or chill out. You can even go to a cafeteria or an art exhibition together. It is highly possible to meet likeminded people when you attend the events in your locality frequently. Why not try reaching out to some of those folks who you are already familiar with and go out together for certain informal social events? You should also make it a point to depend on more time with your family members such as nephews as well as nieces. If you ever come across people who are newly single, they will definitely advise you to keep yourself busy to cope up with your loneliness.

Doing simple and mundane house risks like mopping the floors at your home can help you to keep engaged. You can also join organizations that need volunteers for doing social work. You should contemplate about joining volunteering that will help you to get connected with others. When you are isolated, loneliness cannot be avoided. Although meeting new people and creating your new life is a long and time-consuming process, it is not an impossible thing to happen.

You should go out and start socializing while trying to get over your loneliness after the divorce

You could be used to going out for a film with your now divorced spouse when your marriage continued. However, situations are different now and you can go to a coffee house and opt for a community table rather than sitting solo. You can opt for reading a newspaper or can even socialize with others. It is the perfect stage in your life to join other people in certain activities.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

What To Avoid Doing In A Divorce You Didn’t Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top divorce attorneys in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmThe repercussions of divorce can be quite severe for many who are affected by it. When a divorce is undesirable or unwanted, it can even drive some affected couple to become insane.  After all, you have given years of your life to the marriage, brought up your kids with much care and love and given unconditional support to your spouse. So, when the person you loved so much simply walks out from the marriage, the agony can be heart-wrenching. Follow the below-mentioned things to avoid when you are at the receiving end of an unwanted divorce.

Stop discussing your ex constantly with your family members and friends

It is better to think less about your former spouse and when you talk less about him/her, you can achieve your purpose easily your emotions and pains will be easier to control when you talk about it but do not do it with everyone around you who shows an interest to know about your personal details. Rather, it is better to consult a reputable therapist or a close and dear friend and stop discussing your ex with all others about your feeling and divorce.

It is better to not call your former spouse

Just because your spouse listens to your voice over the phone does not mean that they are going to return to your life all over again. This is particularly applicable when you are testing or dialing them many times on each day. Since it was your ex who desired to get divorced and you gave them what they had asked for, do not get in touch with them unless it is very important. If your former spouse does not return to you, even you need not look back and try to throw yourself at such a person. Even though your marriage could not be restored, you should try to have your pride and self-respect intact. However, the exception to this rule is when you have minor kids from your marriage and you need to text or call them to discuss child-related matters.

Stop over-analyzing on what was not right in your failed marriage or how you could have behaved or done things in a different manner

You should definitely try to pinpoint as well as learn lessons from your past mistakes that you committed when you were married. Once you have managed to do so, it will not be very difficult to forget your painful past. What is done cannot be undone even you keep analyzing about your past. Over-analyzing will only give your self-pity and low self-esteem that should be avoided at all cost.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Can Dating While Getting Divorced Affect Your Divorce Case?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmGetting into another relationship while getting out of your current marriage might not be the best idea in the State of California. A divorce can be stressful enough without complicating the situation further. Taking another lover during a divorce could, depending on the circumstances of your divorce, affect your case outcome negatively.

New partner and children

If children are involved in the divorce, then dating someone new whilst getting the divorce can affect your chances of getting sole or joint custody of the child or children. The other spouse will definitely have issues about how this new person is going to be with the children and whether the children will like him or her. If it is joint custody, then how much time is this new person going to be spending with the children – will it be supervised or unsupervised? Many questions such as these will arise when you start dating someone in the middle of divorce proceedings. Your ex-spouse may lower your chances of you getting joint or shared custody of your child or children because he or she is unsure of the children’s safety and well-being around this new and unknown person.

New partner and alimony

Another major drawback of dating someone new while getting divorced is the matter of spousal and/or child support. The other spouse may use your new partner as a reason to not pay you any spousal or child support even though you are entitled to it. Also if you plan to move in with your new partner or have a live-in relationship with them this could adversely affect your chances of getting any kind of spousal support. Section 4323 of the Family Code states that the spouse who is cohabiting or living with a nonmarital partner has a decreased need for spousal support and the court can modify the terms of spousal support or terminate it altogether. The income earned by the new nonmarital partner shall decrease or eliminate the spousal support payable by the ex-spouse.

New partner and jealousy

Of course, another reason why dating someone during an impending divorce is a bad idea is because it can cause your former spouse to develop feelings of jealousy towards you and your new partner and he or she might resort to more hostile methods to gain an upper hand in the divorce case.

So there is no hard and fast rule that you shouldn’t date someone during a divorce but it is advisable to wait till the divorce proceedings are completely finished before starting to date again.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Can Dating or Cohabiting Ahead of Divorce Affect Child Custody?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSome argue that to give yourself the best chances of retaining the custody rights of your child/ children or at least enjoy visitation rights equal to your ex-spouse, it is better to avoid dating or cohabiting before the divorce settlements are finalized. How far is it true? This post aims to analyze that.

Give your child some time to adjust 

You must understand that under the California laws, courts must prioritize the welfare of the children above everything else. So, whatever the judge decides will be from a point of concern for the protection of interests and rights of the child. A child often goes through an emotional turmoil when he sees his parents feuding or wrangling frequently and then sees them divorcing and separating from each other.

In addition, if one or both the parents start dating, seeing or cohabiting someone who is also vying for the attention of their parent, they can get confused, angry and develop a deep sense of resentment not only against the new partner but also against the parent. That might scare them away into the arms of the other parent. Many courts ask for the opinion of the child (especially older ones) when deciding and sealing their fate. If the court sees that the child themselves want to stay with one parent in particular, they might take that into consideration and even limit the visitation rights or contest the joint custody rights.

Some factors that might affect your chances of retaining the custody of your child:

  1. Your current dating habits and past dating records could determine whether you are suitable to be the primary caregiver of your child: Not only will your past dating records be analyzed but if you have already started dating or cohabiting with someone before your divorce has been finalized can come under the glare and will be questioned, if there is even a little doubt that your dating habits are coming in the way of providing proper care to your child.
  2. The past of your new significant other can come under the scanner: If the court feels that the child might come into regular contact of your new partner and they might spend a lot of time together, the lawyer of your ex-spouse may try to bring to the fore the questionable past of your new significant other (may be cases of domestic violence). In addition, if the child themselves show a lack of positive feelings towards the person in question, it could hurt your chances.
  3. Speak negatively of the other parent in front of the child: Although you may not share a cordial relationship with your ex- or getting romantically involved has made them more jealous, that may not justify your frequent ranting against them, especially in front of your child. The court would consider whether your tirade or behavior is leaving a scar on his tender mind. 

Always keep the best interests of your child in mind before getting into a new relationship. Give them time to adjust before introducing them to your new romantic interest. Also, get the approval of your ex-partner, before introducing your current partner to your child and always ensure that your relationship doesn’t come in the way of your ability to provide adequate care to your child. That will increase your chances of getting custody of your child.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Advice About Learning To Date Again After A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmYou have dealt with the stressful lengthy proceedings of divorce litigation, and finally achieved what you have wanted for a long time. But do you really feel that you have let bygones be bygones, and moved on? There is a constant lingering emptiness at the back of your mind that makes you feel hopeless. After receiving an enormous setback in your life, you feel devoid of any motivation, inspiration or the will to get back on track. You might even end up feeling dejected that life will never be the same again.

However, as the old adage goes, ‘Time is the biggest healer’, your scars will eventually heal up too. Your despair that drives you to think that you may never find love in your life again is actually unfounded. We are here to make you understand that a divorce is not the end of your life; in fact it marks a new beginning full of hopes and aspirations of a better life ahead.

Get in touch with your inner self

Ever thought of the idea of dating post a split with your ex? It might not sound that easy, but it surely holds the basis of a new life ahead of you. But, the first thing to do is, that you need to get back in touch with the new you, and get adjusted to being single again. Indulge in your passions, work towards self improvement, and basically start doing all the things that put a smile to your face. Before going ahead with seeking attention from the other gender, you need to get rid of all that extra baggage from your past relationship, and start afresh.

Avoid rushing things

There is always some pent up latent anger left in our hearts, even after the passage of considerable amount of time. However, if you feel angry, depressed or devoid of any happiness in life, you might want to reconsider getting into a new relationship just yet. More often than not, a new relationship, right after a breakup of a divorce, might be a result of a rebound that we are experiencing. Such a situation is harmful, both to you and your new partner, and should be avoided at all costs. Take time to rid yourself of such heavy emotions and then move on.

Join clubs and dating websites

It is always helpful to join clubs or groups for networking with single individuals, to enhance your area of research. Don’t shy away from taking help from the online dating websites, as they give you access to an enormous amount of data, and help widening your exposure to the other gender community.

Just remember that it is never too late to make a new start. All you need is a bit of effort, willingness and a positive attitude, and everything will fall into place, probably sooner than you ever thought.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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