Dealing With Abuse During Marriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmA couple goes through several ups and downs in their relationship when a marriage becomes rocky and is a troubled one. Contrary to what many people would like to believe, some key causes of divorces are infidelity, domestic violence, and emotional or physical violence. There can be different forms of abusive behavior such as financial, physical or emotional. Such behavior can have a negative impact on the stability of a marriage while the abused partner may go through a disturbed mental state. If you are a woman, read on to know the different forms of abusive behavior and ways of handling them.

Verbal abuse 

When your husband uses filthy language and tries to demean you or screams at you frequently or treats you shabbily in the presence of his family members or friends, they are clear symptoms of you being verbally abused. It is high time when both of you should sit together when you should tell him to stop such demeaning treatment immediately. You should let him know that such behavior is affecting your relationship deeply.

Physical abuse or domestic violence 

Such abusive behaviors are usually meted out when your partner tries to dominate and control you. There is clearly an anger issue with your husband and so he is trying to use violence as a tool to control you and resolve matters according to his terms. Your husband will even try threatening you when in his abusive best and try to put you down. Such behavior can depress you and can even demolish your self-confidence. In case you are subjected to acts of domestic violence by your spouse, your first and most important step would be to identify it as early as possible. You should never tolerate such acts and take corrective measures to remain safe. It is crucial to communicate what is happening with you and involve a reputable marriage counselor when you feel such issues can be sorted out through therapy. However, if nothing improves, then it is better to end your marriage at the first available opportunity. After all, every woman should respect her sanity and worth.

Financial of economic abuse 

Keeping a close tab on every penny that you spend, not allowing you to have a separate bank account, forcing you to make certain career options and forcing families so that you are unable to pursue your job are some of the examples of going through a financially abusive relationship or marriage. It is a major concern for all those women who depend on their spouses financially.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Are You Prepared If Divorce Is Your Only Option?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhat should be your next course of action when a marriage counselor is unable to convince you and your spouse to patch your marriage up? You can follow the path of many such couples who decided to settle their issues through a mutually consented divorce. Divorce is never an expected event in a couple’s married life of brings in a big impact on the financial positions of both the spouses involved.  When the divorce is obtained through mutual consent, both the wife and the husband try to settle their financial separation on certain terms and conditions, which are usually acceptable to them both, in fact, the details and the mode of such a settlement is in the in hands of the husband and the rife. A settlement for divorce can either include assets and money or can be done rigor them. The partners simply need to reaffirm their agreement in the court. Thus, in case divorce is the only option left before you, you must be prepared with the following steps.

Have a discussion with your partner on the financial details

While emotions do come in while you are separating, do not bring them while settling the financial matters. Even before you start discussing the various financial matters; it makes sense to understand the cash flow first. Thereafter you should sit with your spouse and try to figure out all the assets and savings like two mature individuals.  Your next step should be to list dine all these savings and assets’ market value. You can get in touch with a financial consultant or planner to get your assets valued properly. The distribution of savings and assets should be on the basis of how much each spouse had contributed, in case they did not succeed to arrive at an agreement on dividing them.

Splitting the assets

After you gave jotted down your assets as well as liabilities and their current market value, it is now time to split them. When the assets are being divided, you need to take into consideration what role will be played by each partner. The reason for this is while your spouse could be bearing all the expenses while you may be contributing for the savings.min case the rife is not earning sufficient money to support herself or she is unemployed, the husband needs to give her alimony. This could be applicable though she could be having her own income but her earning is not adequate to ensure a similar standard of living like her husband.

Child care

In case the couple has children, things may be more complicated.  Spouses may come to an agreement on a particular staggered payment or a lump sum amount to be paid to the person who will have the child’s custody. It can even be a payment made on a monthly basis with an incremental increase, taking into account the increasing cost of living.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process. 

How to Keep Your Cool While Divorcing Your Narcissist Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhen your marriage ends, it can be a real life-shattering experience. Although, you could be the one who is taking the first step for procuring a divorce, it is normal to go through emotions like sadness, moments of doubt and feeling like a failure. But when you are taking a divorce from your narcissist spouse, there could be other emotions too, such as frustration and fury. It is a big challenge to live with an individual who is suffering from Borderline Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Divorcing such a person can be even tougher.

You need to realize that any person who has BNPD actually suffers from a real disorder. Your spouse has developed a non-empathetic, controlling, dominating and self-absorbed personality. His nature could be a response to some sort of traumatic incidents in his childhood. When you have eventually decided to take a divorce from your narcissist spouse, you are certain that changing his attitude is simply next to impossible. So, now that you have decided to bid adieu to your marriage, how can you heal yourself as well as your family?

Be prepared for a shift in dynamics

Remember how your spouse attracted you into a relationship? You found him so charming and friendly initially and he was never short of flowery speeches and compliments.

It was the first time when you felt he loved you so much and no other man is capable of such love and affection. However, as time passed, you observed that this loving and normal behavior changed to that of an individual who never considers your views and opinions, has become dominating and lies quite frequently. Every time you made an attempt to address these issues, he tried to convince you that things will alter for the better. However, that never happened. You have finally understood that it is impossible for him to mend his ways. So, it is better to get ready for a shift in the paradigm.

Your soon-to-be and narcissist spouse will try all possible things to demonstrate his strength on you. It will be difficult for him to accept that you have decided to leave him for good.

You will need a good team by your side

It is crucial for you to have a strong team by your side so that you can manage the divorce proceedings in a smooth manner. You should hire an Orange County divorce lawyer who is experienced in dealing with spouses having borderline narcissistic personality disorder.  Such an attorney knows the important things to watch out for. They also know ways of avoiding the traps your former spouse may set for you. You should also get in touch with a good mental health professional who can provide you with an ideal opportunity for expressing your fury, disappointment, and frustrations.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Top Issues Included In Divorce Settlements

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmA divorce settlement can be quite a complicated one when the number of financial issues is more in number. If it is the case with you and your spouse, it is better to get guidance from a tax planner or an experienced accountant before you finalize your divorce settlement’s terms and conditions.

Key issues in a divorce settlement

Based on the scenario that may vary from couple to couple, a divorce settlement could cover some of the following issues:

  • Life Insurance
  • Retirement Plans
  • Investments and Bank Accounts
  • Split of marital assets like vehicles, vacation home, and house
  • Debt that has been accumulated while the couple was married.

Here are some of them in detail for you to understand then properly.

Distribution of marital assets

The real concern here is how the house or the vacation home of the couple can be split between the two. Now, they can be taken care of in a number of ways:

  • There could be refinancing of the house so that one spouse can purchase the other party’s interests.
  • One of the spouses can get the outright ownership of the house.
  • The couple may decide to sell the house and then the sales proceeds are divided between the wife and the husband.

Investments and bank accounts

In some cases of divorce settlements, one party will retain the own ship of their matrimonial house while the other spouse may get cash from their joint investment accounts or bank accounts. The spouse who has been awarded the said property as a divorce settlement should take the necessary actions to make sure that there is adequate cash flow at their disposal for covering the living costs.

Life Insurance

In many occasions, it is not unusual to see the inclusion of a provision in divorce settlements specifying that whichever spouse is paying for alimony r child support should have purchased life insurance policy so that the costs of such payments are covered in case of their unexpected death. In case you are getting those payments, you need to ensure that you also own that insurance policy. In order to ensure that the premiums of the policy are always paid on time, you must ascertain that you actually own it. This measure will help you to be sure that you do not have to face a financial disaster when something unfortunate happens to your ex-spouse.

Retirement plans

When a divorce settlement has funds from a particular retirement plan, it is better to get in touch with a financial advisor to ensure that you appreciate the impact of tax implications in this type of situation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 

Top 5 Things To Avoid Doing When Planning To Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmAnyone who has had a divorce will tell you that it is a tough process. The couples are often tensed and they often make unwise decisions due to emotions running high. After all, it is a stage when the spouses need to sort out emotional, practical and financial details. So, it is hardly surprising that there are many such couples who end up making big mistakes while getting divorced. Here are some of those tips on what you should avoid doing while filing for your divorce.

Do not get pregnant

If you become pregnant while your divorce proceeding is going on, things can be pretty complicated for you. In fact, and your pregnancy can even become a barrier in the way of your right to get divorced.

Do not say ‘No” to meet a therapist

Getting in touch with a therapist may help you to overcome your wide range of emotions that is normal for any spouse to feel while dealing with the trauma of divorce. In fact, it is not a bad idea at all to get professional assistance before you are extremely angry or depressed. You can not only share your inner feelings with an expert therapist but they are professionals who can help you to relax, guide you how to interact with your children in the changing scenario and ways of retaining your composure in the court. The most important help a therapist can offer you is to learn ways of becoming a self-dependent person!

Do not overlook the task of changing your existing will

Your will is not automatically revoked because you are getting a divorce. You must update the will in case you want to stop your soon to be former spouse from getting the privileges mentioned in your existing will. After all, a will can be redone at any time. However, in case you pass away before getting the divorce and you have not left anything for your spouse, he or she can file a lawsuit to recover a portion of your property.

Do not take out your frustration on the children

Your kids need a supportive and tension free environment to cope up with you and your spouse’s divorce. Try to talk as less as possible about the process in front of them. This way, you can give more time to your kids. Your energy needs to be refocused so that you can visit their school events, take them out to the zoo or got movies and help them out with their homework.

Try to avoid settling early

You may desire that your marriage should end as soon as possible. But that does not mean you will let go of your financial security. Create copies of the crucial financial documents, mutual fund statements, credit card statements, and brokerage and tax forms.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Ways to Protect Yourself From An Unreasonable Former Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have signed the paperwork and have been through with the process of divorce, it is now final. Moreover, it is a fresh beginning for you and time you move ahead once again.  However, that may not be the case always for all. There are many such instances when a former spouse has been able to take this transition with a punch of salt and may behave irrationally or harshly. In such cases, the conflict between the two may continue even after the finalization of their divorce and unreasonable behavior may prevail. When your former spouse is unreasonable, they may make your children and you quite miserable. If there is a conflict between your former partner and you, they can use issues like child support and child visitations tools. While it may not be possible to control such an errant partner’s behavior, you can still how you should respond to such behavior. It is better to take a proactive stand while interacting with your unreasonable spouse than giving in and giving up.

Try not to engage into conflict with your ex

The conflict may become more severe if you continue to engage in it. When your ex-makes unreasonable demand sand you respond defensively, you are actually rising to the bait and the conflict may further escalate. In case your spouse sends you harsh emails with threats of separating your kids from you or writes something that makes you feel concerned, do not give any reply. When you do not respond, your ex will be stopped in his/her tracks.

Do not feel concerned or bother yourself with what is being said

Certain words can be quite hurtful. Your hostile former spouse might bad mouth you and spread nasty things about your behaviors and character. You may naturally feel inclined to retaliate to such lies about you. However, just responding to their words would not put an end to those lies. When you lash out the world may feel you are being unreasonable too.

Do not surrender just because you are scared

Your ex-spouse is the person who perhaps knows you the most. Such knowledge may give them the necessary weapon to torture you. Your fears and weaknesses are known to them and they can push these buttons to demand what they desire. Controlling you could be a powerful tool in their hands. A hostile ex may manipulate situations to their advantage by making you anxious and controlling you. So, do not let them use your weaknesses and fears to their advantage and try to rise above your fears and apprehensions.

Getting an Orange County divorce in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Move Forward With Your Decision to Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmYou may be in a state a shock and stuck with going ahead with your divorce for several reasons. Fear is one of the prime reasons that may make you feel uncertain and hesitant about your big decision. After all, divorce is a big change in one’s life where no one likes to be in. It will make you come out of your comfort zone that you had been used to and were familiar with. No matter what kind of emotions you are going through, it is crucial to know that what you are going through is not unusual. But such dilemma and emotions are temporary in nature.  As you take your initial steps in this journey, you will be able to have a control over these feelings and the healing process will gradually start.

Below are some of the ways to move forward with your decision to get divorced.

List down all those negative emotions that are making you indecisive and confused

You should try identifying and making a list of your top three fears that are holding you back to proceed with the divorce. There is no harm in feeling the fear but list down the steps you should take so that they do not become a reality. Finding out solutions is the only method to combat fear.

List down all the reasons that will point out why divorce is the best possible step for you

Each human being is unique with his/her own skills, talents and strengths. As you move towards the decision of taking a divorce from your partner remember that you have every right to do something that is in your best interests. You will feel more motivated and strong when you concentrate on your strengths rather than focusing on your fears. It is important to have faith in yourself and be prepared to cope with whatever awaits you while your divorce proceedings continue. Try to overcome your fears by embracing your potential.

Have a proper support system around you so that you can move forward with confidence

Your close friends and supportive family members are going to be a great resource of strength while the Orange County divorce proceedings are continuing. So, surround yourself with people who you think will stick to you in your difficult times since you could be feeling vulnerable and somewhat lost. You need love and affection, which your support system can give you in abundance. When you start leaning on your dear ones during such trying times, your transition period will be much easier and you can attain your goals with great ease. So, after you have your network of support system in place, have found out your biggest fears and learned how to fight them, it is time to get ready to end your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How Can The Legal Impacts Of Divorce Affect Families?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThe final call to end your marriage can be a tough one. The transition is even more painful when kids are involved in the marriage. A good parent will always ensure that there is a solid decision-making process involved for the welfare of the children. Plus, it is crucial to understand the kind of repercussion a divorce can cause on your family prior to moving forward. Reputable Orange County divorce attorneys at our firm will be more than pleased to help you out so that the impact of divorce on your family is minimized.

You will definitely agree that knowledge can be true power. When you know the possible tough spots, you can be well-equipped to face them bravely. Thus, complete awareness is an important need while it is a question of making sound decisions. Knowledge also enables you to prepare adequately when you have made up your mind to go ahead with a divorce. Divorce can usually have an impact on family life in two critical legal areas. The court will pass an order, which clarifies matters related to child support and child custody as a part of your divorce. However, changes in scenarios, which may need to rethink these matters, can be handled at a later point in time for future modifications.

  1. Child custody

Ascertaining matters related to child custody is a vital component of any divorce. It is possible that both the spouses may work out in an amicable manner through one of the Orange County divorce mediators. Alternatively, the matter may be contested by one of the parties and eventually handled by the court. Custody can exist in two forms, which are legal and physical. When a parent is awarded the legal custody of his or her kid, they have the right to decide on various issues like the general welfare, schooling, and health of the said child. On the other hand, physical custody refers to the living condition of the child. The issue of visitation is dealt as a subject of the agreement on the child’s physical custody. The court can award sole or joint custody to the parents.

  1. Child support

Once a divorce is through, there is also the issue of child support that needs to be sorted out by both the parties. For instance, certain court systems lay down guidelines to ascertain the amount of money a parent should pay to the receiving parent for child support. Such guidelines also specify which party should be responsible for paying child support and who is entitled to get this kind of a familial support according to the court’s orders. There could be a change in the amount of money required or owed for child support over a period of time. Such changes can lead to a requirement for a revision of the initial agreement.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Best Tips to Manage Anxiety and Depression During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmWhen your spouse left you, you may feel completely shattered in the beginning. In fact, such emotions may come as a big surprise to you since it was you who had asked him to end the marriage. Anxiety, sadness, and depression are typical mental states that you may go through during your divorce. To make matters even worse, you may even suffer from bouts of insomnia and wake up in the middle of the night and take restless walks continuously while your sleep evades you completely. Your mental state may vary from mild melancholy to crying.

You need not feel disillusioned since these emotions are not permanent and you start recovering when your brain starts catching up with the new lifestyle. But that does not mean you should take your mental state lightly either. The best way to deal with your sadness at this stage is to explore them with the tools you come across often outside your divorce coaching. While you can reduce your pain, erasing it completely can be quite a difficult proposition.

The anxiety and depression you are going through is temporary in all likelihood

You may get inspired to know that these emotions will not stay with you forever.  So it is better to work toward handling them as early as possible instead of being complacent. The first tip to get you going at this critical stage of your life is to move on with life despite your current mental state.

You need to take small and yet meaningful steps while navigating your anxiety and depression during the divorce

When you are incapable of getting up and start moving, it is possible that you are not in a position to indulge in self-motivation. If that is the case, you should start your recovery process by taking baby steps. But in case you have tried to practice techniques on your behavior modification but still feel that your mental state is not showing any kind of improvement, i.e. you still believe you are anxious or seriously depressed, it is perhaps time to consult a medical professional or a doctor to seek guidance and get them prescribe the right medication for you as soon as possible.

Two of the usual by-products of any divorce are anxiety and depression. Such emotions are for good reason as everything that was familiar is no longer the same. It is time now to identify your shifting moods and try to address them to come out of your mental state. You can start doing so by following the tip “keep moving” in your life so that your depression demons can be kept at bay.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Move Forward With Your Decision to Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou may be in a state a shock and stuck with going ahead with your divorce for several reasons. Fear is one of the prime reasons that may make you feel uncertain and hesitant about your big decision. After all, divorce is a big change in one’s life where no one likes to be in. It will make you come out of your comfort zone that you had been used to and were familiar with. No matter what kind of emotions you are going through, it is crucial to know that what you are going through is not unusual. But such dilemma and emotions are temporary in nature.  As you take your initial steps in this journey, you will be able to have a control over these feelings and the healing process will gradually start.

Below are some of the ways to move forward with your decision to get divorced.

List down all those negative emotions that are making you indecisive and confused

You should try identifying and making a list of your top three fears that are holding you back to proceed with the divorce. There is no harm in feeling the fear but list down the steps you should take so that they do not become a reality. Finding out solutions is the only method to combat fear.

List down all the reasons that will point out why divorce is the best possible step for you

Each human being is unique with his/her own skills, talents and strengths. As you move towards the decision of taking a divorce from your partner remember that you have every right to do something that is in your best interests. You will feel more motivated and strong when you concentrate on your strengths rather than focusing on your fears. It is important to have faith in yourself and be prepared to cope with whatever awaits you while your divorce proceedings continue. Try to overcome your fears by embracing your potential.

Have a proper support system around you so that you can move forward with confidence

Your close friends and supportive family members are going to be a great resource of strength while the divorce proceedings are continuing. So, surround yourself with people who you think will stick to you in your difficult times since you could be feeling vulnerable and somewhat lost. You need love and affection, which your support system can give you in abundance. When you start leaning on your dear ones during such trying times, your transition period will be much easier and you can attain your goals with great ease. So, after you have your network of support system in place, have found out your biggest fears and learned how to fight them, it is time to get ready to end your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
No Legal Advice Intended: This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems. Full disclaimer.