What To Expect When Negotiating With a Hostile Ex During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThe way your estranged husband or wife behaves with you during negotiating for divorce settlement may have a direct effect on the amount of settlement you will eventually receive eventually, although exceptions do exist. Check out some of the things you can expect from a hostile ex during the divorce process.

Not being able to control his or her negative emotions

Nothing can be bitterer during a divorce than a husband or a wife who is emotionally installed. In case your spouse fails to keep his or her negative emotions within check and fails to use logic, you could be in for a big legal trouble if you are not cautious. Moreover, you need to contemplate that you will have to discuss your financial matters with a person who’s being irrational with his or her behavior and thought process. People with such unstable behavior are completely unreliable are not capable of handling their own finances in the first place. So, you can hardly expect to think about someone else’s financial issues. You may have to hire the services of an experienced divorce attorney apart from consulting a reputable psychologist to help you understand the irrational behaviors of your spouse.

Did he or she held the financial power while you both were married?

Was your spouse the primary bread winner while you were married? Do you feel he or she will try to take everything within their control? Has your ex hired the services of a good divorce attorney who is highly experienced in handling high-conflict divorces? If the answer is yes, do not expect them to change and renounce their ownership so easily? In fact, your divorce can make them more ruthless and ferocious while trying to retain emotional as well as political power over you.

In case your spouse is affluent and has hired a renowned divorce attorney, it could be a tough time for you unless you equip yourself with the same kind of attitude and legal arsenal.

Your spouse is anxious to get a divorce immediately

For instance, your spouse has been into a new relationship and as such want to extract everything possible to build their new life. So they want to end their existing marriage as quickly as possible. A ‘right now’ divorce may lead you financially and emotionally shattered. While your ex is trying to build a new life with his or her latest love interest, it can be quite money intensive. In scenarios like this, you should anticipate as well as get ready for a fierce battle while the divorce process is on.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Advice On How To Tell Your Kids You Are Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmIt is not an easy task to tell your kids that your spouse and you are getting divorced. However, you can still make things manageable to a certain extent when you abide by a simple plan formed on the basis of emotional comfort and truth. Check out some of the tips mentioned below to tell your children that you are divorcing their other parent.

Your children are not responsible for this situation and they should know this

The best way you can alleviate the pain of your kids dealing with your divorce is by telling them the reason why you are separating but in a manner that is easy for them to digest. Whatever is the truth and what you disclose to the children need not necessarily match. After all, it is not your kids’ fault and they need to be told this fact so that they do not feel guilty or unsure.

Maintain civility with your estranged or ex-spouse in front of the children

When you establish mutually agreed upon and clear expectations as well as boundaries about your divorce, your children will be less apprehensive and anxious. There should be proper clarity in the messages that are sent about your separation or divorce and the possible transitions thereafter. Your child may get baffled when he or she hears conflicting words from the people they trust the most in their lives. You may not have similar kind of parenting styles or not agree upon on day-to-day operations, when there is a unified front; your children are going to benefit from it.

Do not share information that is not apt for your kids

Avoid discussing adult details with them. There is a possibility that they will not even understand what you are trying to tell them and may even start resenting you for various reasons. It could be because you are using nasty words against the other parents offering them a concealed request for judging the prevailing situation and maybe even try to overburden them with your grief and predicament. Simply share with them what they must know and the communication should take place in a sincere and honest manner. After all, your focus should be on the children instead of on the grown-ups.

Stop playing the blame game

It is definite that you are aware of the cause of your separation. But your children need not know the actual reason. When you blame your soon-to-be former spouse for the impending divorce, there is a possibility that you are trying to force our child to take sides. You need to remember that it is unhealthy for your kid to feel that that the other parent should be blamed for the divorce or the separation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

5 Things That Should Be Included In A Parenting Plan

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmGoing through a divorce is difficult for some and many undergo psychological pressure and stress. One of the main reason for that is the custody battle. As the divorce proceeding takes place, the threat of losing your children’s custody looms large. Every parent wants to spend time with his/her child and wants full custody after divorce. However, California courts will look into what’s best for the child and other factors before making a decision. That is why parents should come up with a great parenting plan so that both of them are satisfied and get substantial opportunity to spend time with their child. Here are five things that is absolutely necessary for a parenting plan.

  1. Fair parenting time

Kids are highly prone to psychological stress and to avoid that, make sure that both of you spend equal amount of time with your kid. You can also do it together if you want.

  1. Give importance to visitation hours

Visitation hours is the time when you will be quality time with your child. So, make the best of it. Have fun with your child and make them feel that they’re not being ignored.

  1. Power to change the plan

Situations change and sometimes it’s not in your hands to control the situation. A great parenting plan is flexible and should be changed if the situation demands so. Remember that the change should happen for the good of the child and not because you or your partner want it changed for your benefit.

  1. Dispute resolutions

Try settling disputes on your own instead of going to the court. A good parenting plan should be made in a way that helps settle disputes that arise due to custody and child care.

  1. The child should be the main focus

The reason why the parenting plan exists is because of the child and if the child is ignored then there’s no point of having a plan at all. Instead of building a parenting plan according to your convenience, make it around your child’s comfort.

Conclusion

Divorce becomes a tough issue when children get involved. Custody battles can be difficult for some and to avoid psychological stress and other problems, they must create a parenting plan that works best for everyone. The plan should especially cater to the needs of the child and both parents should devote the time and energy to look after their child.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Prepare For Your Divorce Hearings At The Courthouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmFamily court for divorces can be quite a scary place particularly for all those people who are in it for the first time in their lives. The success of a particular court hearing matters a lot to the divorcing party and so they should start preparing for it much before the actual day of their court hearing. The discussion that follows aims to explain the things to expect when a divorcing party arrives at a family court for their hearing.

Understanding the etiquette of the courtroom and the players

Whenever you arrive at a family court specializing in divorce cases, you should realize that there will be numerous other divorce attorneys and litigants who are waiting for their turns in the same courtroom. You should sit quietly and patiently while waiting.  You need to behave politely while the court clerk and the bailiff in the courtroom.  These people are also in control of deciding the sequence in which the cases are heard on a particular day. You should be sitting quietly and watch the judge dealing with the other cases while the court proceedings are on. Such an observation is invaluable as you can understand the kind of evidence or facts the judge is expecting specifically in a certain situation. You will also get time to understand the judge better.

Appreciate the type of a court hearing

All hearings are not of equal importance in a family court. A party involved in a divorce case should be aware of the kind of hearing that is coming up. Plus, they should know the kind of expectation during such a hearing. There are many occasions when a court schedules hearings whose aim is to simply provide status updates to the court on the progress of certain discovery and how a specific case will settle. Other hearings can be for a settlement meeting to make an attempt in compelling both the divorcing parties to come together and negotiate.

Clothing should be appropriate based on the nature of hearing

As soon as you realize the type of an upcoming heating of yours, it is important for you to introspect on the kind of message you are going to communicate to the judges. So for instance, you are seeking alimony, things may backfire even you appear at the court wearing a designer label and an expensive and stylish bag.  On the other hand, if the hearing is to settle child custody issues, you should endeavor to dress up like a mother or a father so that the judge gets a favorable impression about you.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorce Challenges When Your Spouse Has Mental Health Problems

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmIt can be a difficult and complex decision to divorce your spouse, who is ailing from a mental illness. The decision frequently involves ensuring that proper diagnosis and treatment are carried out for the affected spouse first. The healthy spouse also has to think about the logistics issues while separating and have a check on the emotions that they have for splitting from somebody who is not well. Plus, there could be strong guilt and social pressure that may act as an obstacle to take the final call on divorce. Perhaps, it is the outcome of exchanging wedding vows in a traditional ceremony.
While breakups are not easy, ending a relationship with a spouse suffering from a mental health issues illness or a personality disorder can delay the decision of opting for a divorce. Now, that can be quite crazy.

Indecisiveness about taking the final call

There are several in incidents when guilty wives or empathetic husbands are in a strong dilemma to come out of an abusive relationship or an impaired spouse. There can be various causes such as mental illness, addiction to sex, alcohol or drugs. The struggle is a tough one since they may still have tender feelings for their spouses and also value their marriage vows. However, often such feelings are one-sided.

Such women and men keep searching for answers painstakingly on how to cope up with a spouse who is a bipolar personality a passively aggressive partner or a narcissist. These people seek out reasonable techniques to handle unpleasant situations. In a majority of cases, the area of concern remains the same although the actual diagnosis may vary. After all, they have to handle a partner who is in a position to appreciate reality and hence fairness, honesty or compromise may seem to be a far-fetched dream.

Challenges faced by spouses of mentally ill partners

Aggressive litigation and stonewalling are a couple of big challenges that are frequently faced by the spouses. It is often believed that people try to hire an attorney who is like them. So, it is likely that a vengeful partner may end up hiring a divorce attorney who is hostile and aggressive. Such attorneys can aggravate the illness of their clients. Additionally. when these clients have more wealth, they can get nastier and eventually end up destroying their families.

Although courts may not be of much help even now to protect such families, professionals like Orange County divorce mediators, coaches and therapists can create tools for helping people cope up with their high-conflict divorces.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

The Role Of A Child’s Therapist In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmDivorces can be depressing and counseling is the best way to cope up with the situation. Apart from the adults, children, sometime require counseling. For children, counseling plays the same role – coping with the situation. Also, when children who get upset over their parent’s divorce are counseled, they become more emotionally stable. But it’s easier than it sounds because unlike adults, children show a wide range of emotions and therefore handling them becomes difficult. Age and development plays a major role in children who are trying to adjust to a divorce.

Counseling for children falls under two broad categories. The first one is group counseling and the second is individual divorce counseling.

Group counseling

In the first type, the counselor selects children whose parents have gone through a divorce and forms a group. Next, he/she talks to them like one would talk to a small class. Different issues are addressed and the counselor tries to understand what the children need and how he/she can provide them. Group counseling is mostly beneficial for kids over the age of 12. Children in this age group understand better when they are in a group because then they don’t feel isolated. They don’t think that they are the only one who is going through such a situation. Also, it makes it easy for them to bond with complete strangers.

Individual divorce counseling

Individual divorce counseling is mostly given to younger children. But in some cases, it works well with teens and adults as well. Children who require counseling that will help them in the long-term benefit from this type of counseling. The counseling session helps relieve stress and counselors teach children how to release their emotions. As a result, the children develop coping skills to better deal with stress and depression.

The little research that has been done on individual counseling has shown that children do show signs of improvement after their counseling sessions. Children have also shown to develop positivity and increased performance in academics and other activities.

Conclusion

Counseling plays a vital role in helping couples battle depression, anxiety and a variety of emotions. It is being increasingly used in children to help them cope up with their parent’s divorce. Be it in a group or on an individual level, counseling children has helped them gain a variety of positive characteristics that will be useful in the long run.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How to avoid unequal distribution of property during a California divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmProbably one of the most contentious tasks for any couple to agree on would be the division and distribution of property and assets during a divorce. Making through the assets separation in mutual agreement without the need for additional intervention is certainly a welcome situation for both spouses.

If in case you’re unable to settle the issue of property distribution with your spouse, a California family law judge will have to do it for you.

To begin with property distribution in a divorce agreement across the United States is conducted via state law. Asset division follows either community property or equitable division state laws. California is a community property state.

How is property divided?

Marital assets can be distinguished into Separate and Community property.

Community property is everything co-owned by a married couple, or all property obtained and collected during the marriage, regardless of efforts and skill put in by either spouse.

Separate Property on the other hand covers everything owned by a spouse before marriage. Generally not divided during divorce agreements, separate property is retained by the owner spouse.

Separate Property

Here is a short list of assets that fall under separate property

  • Any inheritance or a gift awarded to a particular spouse, even if received during the marriage.
  • Property obtained before marriage, for instance, a savings bank account, etc.
  • Pension earnings proceeds received before marriage.
  • Businesses owned before the marriage.

Community Property

In the state of California property and assets accumulated during the marriage is separated equally between both spouses.

Community Property State Law doesn’t call for division of each object, but an estimated net value of jointly owned property is divided equally. For instance, a spouse can be given the family residence, while the other receives the business.

Basically the couple shares everything equally, the property and the debts. At times, families have to sell the house and share the proceeds earned, of if a spouse would like to continue living in the house, they would then need to buy the other half.

There are cases where separate property can get muddled in with community property in something called commingling. In this case it is difficult to tell the difference between what once was separate property from community property.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Top Pitfalls To Avoid During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhile it can be undeniably a painful process, divorce is nonetheless a major decision in any individual’s life and should be understood in depth before starting a divorce proceeding. Since things like properties, assets and children are involved, a divorce can become a complex process and should be handled carefully. Psychological problems like stress, tension and depression are common among new divorcees and measures should be taken to prevent such problems.

There are other problems which can and should be avoided during divorces. Below is a list of some of them and how they can be avoided.

Don’t underestimate expenses

Asset and property is a common procedure during California divorces. Usually, courts will divide assets equally between the couples and more than often some individuals end up having much less than they had earned. It is therefore important that you make a list of your earning and the amount you spend on expenses as a couple. Making a monthly budget is key towards financial protection during divorce.

Do settle joint debts as soon as possible

The sooner you clear joint debts during your marriage, the better will be your financial status after divorce. After a divorce, your finances and investments can become a huge debt if you don’t keep a track of how much each earnings of you own in the family.

Don’t allow friends and family to have maximum control

Often, individuals who go through divorce rely too much on friends and families for advice. It is always a good thing to have friends and families during troubled times but too much dependency is not good. It is possible for emotions to cloud sensible judgement and you might end up making bad decisions.

Do try saving your marriage before you file for divorce

Why head for a divorce at all if you can save your marriage? Well, because it’s easier said than done. And that is why mediation lawyers and firms exist. Mediation can help identify key areas of discord and provide the best possible solution for them. You and your spouse should take out some time to see a mediation lawyer and try sorting out things if possible.

Don’t ignore the children’s needs

If you have children, then you already know how important they are in a family. Children are the first ones to get affected by divorces because it’s not every day that they see their parents staying apart. Research has shown that children of divorces undergo psychological problems and perform poorly in games and academics. Children should be your first and most important consideration if you plan to get a divorce.

Conclusion

Divorces can become ugly if individuals are unprepared for what’s in store for them. Hire a good lawyer and understand in detail what you need to consider before getting divorced.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated! Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Get Back On Track After A Bad Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmA marriage or a relationship is a partnership where two persons lead one life. After a certain point in life each person can start to become dependent on the other. For individuals who are overly dependent on their spouse, the word ‘divorce’ is a nightmare.

In the wake of a divorce, it can be hard to get your life back on track but it’s very important that you do so, because getting back to living a meaningful and fulfilling life is what is most important at this point.

Let your emotions flow

Most individuals find it difficult to talk about their emotions after a divorce. Holding back feelings can have an adverse effect on your psychology and your health. Since, you are trying to move on and lead a new life it’s very important that you don’t drag extra baggage as you move away from your divorce.

Consulting and talking to a therapist helps if you feel severely depressed and lonely post-divorce. A therapist will help you identify the exact problems you are facing and provide a way to cope up with them.

Rework your finances

One of the worst parts of divorce is the financial problems that you must face due to property and asset division. Rebuilding your financial life should be a priority. You should start by calculating your assets and expenses. Make a list of your liabilities and what part of your income is saved at the end of each month. If you’re unemployed then it’s best that you get a job.

Keeping a track of your finances will shift your mind from negative thoughts and will allow you to focus on more important things.

Rediscover yourself

After a divorce, you’ll find plenty of time for yourself. So, rather than isolating yourself from the world, go out and discover a new side of yourself. Go for a vacation, get a new haircut or treat yourself to something nice. It is extremely important that you spend time with yourself and rediscover a new side that you haven’t experienced before.

Conclusion

Divorces are tough especially if you’ve lived with someone for a long time. It is obvious that going through a bad divorce will affect you both mentally and physically. It is therefore important to change your life and start afresh. Let go of your emotions and talk to people that matter. Focus more on your finances and building a new life through new and different experiences.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Methods of How To Proceed With Getting Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThere is a perception among many people that a divorce can be only obtained through litigation in the court.  However, in reality, here are four key ways to obtain a divorce from your spouse.

Mediation

This is an extremely effective way to resolve disputes, which may pop up when two people are all set to divorce and is a great alternative to litigation in the court. The role of a divorce mediator is to act as an unbiased neutral party and help the couples to resolve the issues that have come up due to the decision of a divorce so that they can reach a settlement that is agreeable to both. In order to make the process of mediation a successful one, both the parties should be ready to negotiate on all aspects of the divorce settlement.

Divorce litigation in court

When you as well as your support are unsuccessful to arrive at a consensus or fail to mediate on issues like spousal support, child support or property split, you may give to knock the doors of the court as a next step. However obtaining the divorce through a court can be pretty costly. Both of you will have to hire divorce attorneys to fight for your case in the court, Moreover, you gave to pay filing fees and court fees and pay the attorney you have hired. The fees of an attorney will depend on which part of the country you are residing.

Collaborative Divorce

When you and your spouse opt for a Collaborative Divorce, you and your spouse need to have a financial specialist for divorce, a child specialist if you have children from your marriage and redo attorneys. Though a Collaborative Divorce may be costly, it is less costly than a long and bitter litigated divorce in the long term. In this process, you need to pay all the specialists according to the hourly rate they charge. However, you need not pay filing fees or court fees unlike a litigated divorce.

Pro Se or DIY litigation

This kind of divorce litigation dignified that you will be doing a self-representation for your divorce case, in Pro Se litigation, you need to follow the same procedures that you would have followed had you hired a divorce attorney to represent your case. The difference here is that the responsibility of filing and filling out the legal forms rest with you. The only expenses that occur in this type of litigation are to pay the court costs and filing fees. In order to go through a do it yourself divorce, you should be well conversant with the divorce laws of your state. However, you need to note that getting a divorce without hiring a lawyer could mean a lot of hard work. But it is the best option for you when you are unable to afford the fees of an attorney.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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