Dealing With A Divorce You Did Not Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThe repercussions of divorce can be quite severe for many who are affected by it. When a divorce is undesirable or unwanted, it can even drive some affected couple to become insane after all, you have given years of your life to the marriage, brought up your kids with much care and love and given unconditional support to your spouse. So, when the person you loved so much simply walks out from the marriage the agony can be heart-wrenching. Follow the below-mentioned things to avoid when you are at the receiving end of an undesirable divorce.

Stop discussing your ex constantly with your family members and friends

It is better to think less about your former spouse and when you talk less about him/her, you can achieve your purpose easily your emotions and pains will be easier to control when you talk about it but do not do it with everyone around you who shows an interest to know about your personal details. Rather, it is better to consult a reputable therapist or a close and dear friend and stop discussing your ex with all others about your feeling and divorce.

It is better to not call your former spouse

Just because your spouse listens to your voice over the phone does not mean that they are going to return to your life all over again. This is particularly applicable when you are testing or dialing them many times on each day. Since it was your ex who desired to get divorced and you gave them what they had asked for, do not get in touch with them unless it is very important. If your former spouse does not return to you, even you need not look back and try to throw yourself at such a person. Even though your marriage could not be restored, you should try to have your pride and self-respect intact. However, the exception to this rule is when you have minor kids from your marriage and you need to text or call them to discuss child-related matters.

Stop over-analyzing on what was not right in your failed marriage or how you could have behaved or done things in a different manner

You should definitely try to pinpoint as well as learn lessons from your past mistakes that you committed when you were married. Once you have managed to do so, it will not be as difficult to forget your painful past. What is done cannot be undone even you keep analyzing about your past. Over-analyzing will only give your self-pity and low self-esteem that should be avoided at all cost.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorce Challenges When Your Spouse Has Mental Health Problems

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmIt can be a difficult and complex decision to divorce your spouse, who is ailing from a mental illness. The decision frequently involves ensuring that proper diagnosis and treatment are carried out for the affected spouse first. The healthy spouse also has to think about the logistics issues while separating and have a check on the emotions that they have for splitting from somebody who is not well. Plus, there could be strong guilt and social pressure that may act as an obstacle to take the final call on divorce. Perhaps, it is the outcome of exchanging wedding vows in a traditional ceremony.
While breakups are not easy, ending a relationship with a spouse suffering from a mental health issues illness or a personality disorder can delay the decision of opting for a divorce. Now, that can be quite crazy.

Indecisiveness about taking the final call

There are several in incidents when guilty wives or empathetic husbands are in a strong dilemma to come out of an abusive relationship or an impaired spouse. There can be various causes such as mental illness, addiction to sex, alcohol or drugs. The struggle is a tough one since they may still have tender feelings for their spouses and also value their marriage vows. However, often such feelings are one-sided.

Such women and men keep searching for answers painstakingly on how to cope up with a spouse who is a bipolar personality a passively aggressive partner or a narcissist. These people seek out reasonable techniques to handle unpleasant situations. In a majority of cases, the area of concern remains the same although the actual diagnosis may vary. After all, they have to handle a partner who is in a position to appreciate reality and hence fairness, honesty or compromise may seem to be a far-fetched dream.

Challenges faced by spouses of mentally ill partners

Aggressive litigation and stonewalling are a couple of big challenges that are frequently faced by the spouses. It is often believed that people try to hire an attorney who is like them. So, it is likely that a vengeful partner may end up hiring a divorce attorney who is hostile and aggressive. Such attorneys can aggravate the illness of their clients. Additionally. when these clients have more wealth, they can get nastier and eventually end up destroying their families.

Although courts may not be of much help even now to protect such families, professionals like Orange County divorce mediators, coaches and therapists can create tools for helping people cope up with their high-conflict divorces.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

The Role Of A Child’s Therapist In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmDivorces can be depressing and counseling is the best way to cope up with the situation. Apart from the adults, children, sometime require counseling. For children, counseling plays the same role – coping with the situation. Also, when children who get upset over their parent’s divorce are counseled, they become more emotionally stable. But it’s easier than it sounds because unlike adults, children show a wide range of emotions and therefore handling them becomes difficult. Age and development plays a major role in children who are trying to adjust to a divorce.

Counseling for children falls under two broad categories. The first one is group counseling and the second is individual divorce counseling.

Group counseling

In the first type, the counselor selects children whose parents have gone through a divorce and forms a group. Next, he/she talks to them like one would talk to a small class. Different issues are addressed and the counselor tries to understand what the children need and how he/she can provide them. Group counseling is mostly beneficial for kids over the age of 12. Children in this age group understand better when they are in a group because then they don’t feel isolated. They don’t think that they are the only one who is going through such a situation. Also, it makes it easy for them to bond with complete strangers.

Individual divorce counseling

Individual divorce counseling is mostly given to younger children. But in some cases, it works well with teens and adults as well. Children who require counseling that will help them in the long-term benefit from this type of counseling. The counseling session helps relieve stress and counselors teach children how to release their emotions. As a result, the children develop coping skills to better deal with stress and depression.

The little research that has been done on individual counseling has shown that children do show signs of improvement after their counseling sessions. Children have also shown to develop positivity and increased performance in academics and other activities.

Conclusion

Counseling plays a vital role in helping couples battle depression, anxiety and a variety of emotions. It is being increasingly used in children to help them cope up with their parent’s divorce. Be it in a group or on an individual level, counseling children has helped them gain a variety of positive characteristics that will be useful in the long run.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Marital Counseling Is Advisable After Infidelity

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmYou may seriously reconsider whether staying together is a wise option when infidelity or betrayal hits your marriage or relationship. After all, when your spouse indulges in an act of betrayal, there is a possibility that something was amiss in your relationship to reach that level. That is because now one of the partners has disrespected the marriage vows. Is it still possible for both of you to work out issues of conflict and continue staying together?

It will benefit you to remember that both of you were madly in love once upon a time. So, you need to find out whether you still have affection for one another despite such a big issue. The issue of betrayal can be too big for both of you to handle. It is the ideal time when you may require professional to help you in particular. A marriage therapist may be also required by you at this stage in your life. Today, many people have started to realize that therapists can be highly effective when a couple is going through a rough patch in their marriage.

Marriage therapists are experienced and trained to help couples sort out their differences and repair the marital relationship. It is possible to rebuild your relationship or marriage and eventually emerge even stronger after such turmoil. Check out a couple of ways where your marriage can be saved through marital counseling after infidelity.

Improving communication

There could be a stage in your marriage when you and your partner stopped confiding one another in all matters, particularly the spouse who betrayed. The Infidel spouse may have used white lies several times to cover up their offenses. When a marriage therapist is hired, they can be helpful in ensuring that communication improves between both the partners. It is possible that the spouse who has been betrayed may use accusatory words. It is definitely not a conducive environment for an open communication. Each spouse is asked questions on sharing their feelings and emotions by the therapist. Counselors can also help the couples by using role plays so that they can communicate in a more effective manner. T

Marriage therapists can help the partners to reconnect

There are many occasions on which spouses want reconciliation but do not know how to do that. The spouse who has strayed feels afraid as they know that it will evoke strong responses in the mind of their partner. On the other hand, the innocent spouse may still want to continue with the marriage. A counselor or therapist may help these couples to reconnect with one another.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process. 

Top Reasons for Spouses To Go To Couples Therapy

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThere are couples who allow ill will and anxiety to spoil their relationship. There are factors like poor communication, indifference, and pride that affect the relationship of a couple, leading often to a divorce, As time passes, such factors may further aggravate the issues in a partnership and make the conversation gap even wider. If only these couples had taken some time and effort to work on their marriage, things would not have  taken such an unfortunate turn.  The following are a few important reasons for which couples who are going through marital problems should contemplate therapy together. 

Get valuable insight

When a couple enjoys a fair therapeutic relationship, they can get valuable insights into their relationship. If a couple with a strained relationship gets the perspective of a neutral party, they may succeed in resolving some of their contentious issues, which had caused a burden on the marriage. A credentialed counselor is properly trained to abstain from taking sides in a strained relationship. They are also aware of ways of validating different viewpoints so that both the parties feel appreciated and heard. 

Improve effective communication skills

Relationships with proper communication styles are always desirable. A good therapist enables both the parties to develop powerful communication skills so that they communicate effectively with one another and try to minimize their misunderstandings and ill feelings. 

Appreciate the importance of role-playing

Both the partners get a chance to do role plays in the therapeutic settings through some trying conversations and situations that may help in enlightening them. When a couple does role plays with a credentialed therapist, they get equipped with the best practices for visioning and mitigating conflicts. These professionals know what approaches they should take to work with different couples and situations so that the said couples can use healthy practices for improving their relationship. A good therapist can also help both the spouses to replay their recent conflicts and conversations to find out the practices that work and those practices, which were ineffective. 

Couples can vision their future together

An effective therapy can enable a couple to visualize a fresh future for their relationship. Though it is not easy to imagine a positive future, especially when a couple is going through a high conflict marriage, a good therapist will definitely desire that their clients succeed in breaking their impasse and resolve their problems. Hence, an experienced therapist starts helping the couple to take a new look towards future.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tips To Ensure That Marriage Counseling Works

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThere is a common perception among many that when a couple goes for marriage counseling, it is not a good sign for the marriage. However, in several cases, it does not signify that there is a breakdown in the marriage. Rather, it could mean that the couple could be still united. At least, they could be still willing to work out on certain issues in their marriage. Thus, it may not be the case of a marriage going bitter when partners go for marriage counseling. For many couples, marriage counseling has definitely made things work for the better. But how to ensure that marriage counseling works out successfully? The following are a few tips:

You need to seek out the right marriage counselor

Do not be in a haste to select a counselor or do not depend on your insurance company to help you with that. You can use search engines like Google to search the details of some counselor in your neighborhood. Try using Google reviews and go through them to know how good a counselor is. These reviews will give you a fair idea about how effective he or she has been with previous clients. Find out some referrals from your friends and colleagues. Alternatively, post your exact requirements on the social media and ask whether anyone has a good referral or not.

While it is possible that you may feel embarrassed to get in touch with a counselor initially, you will be really surprised to find out that many couples go through such sessions.

Both the spouses should be thoroughly committed to the counseling process

While both you and your spouse may not see eye to eye on various issues, if you agree on the idea of counseling, the process may be a successful one. The process may not be an effective one whenever one of the partners does not show interest or is skeptical about the entire process of counseling.  You may not get success in a marriage counseling as a couple when one of you is doubtful about the effectiveness of the process or foes not want to give it a try.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated! Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Handling Divorce Grief in Your Own Way

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmA divorce or a separation can indeed be an emotional and highly stressful experience in one’s life. Your entire universe may go upside down irrespective of the reason for your separation and whether you were willing for it or not. A breakup can create a host of unsettling and painful emotions. You could be not only grieving at this stage but also feeling apprehensive about your future, isolated, and baffled. However, there are several things that you can do at your end to handle your divorce grief; let this tough time pass and move on in life with a fresh vigor, optimism, and hope.

Why can divorce be full of misery for many?

Although your relationship could have been rocky for quite some time, a breakup or a divorce can be quite painful as it not only symbolizes the loss of a partnership but also of the commitments and dreams both you and your partner had shared. Any love marriage begins with a lot of excitement and positive hopes for a bright future. But the moment a relationship crumbles, people go through profound disillusionment, grief, anxiety, and stress. A divorce or breakup throws you into unexplored territories. There are so many changes in your life with respect to your responsibilities and routine, relationship with friends and extended family, your identity and even your home. A divorce can also introduce a great sense of uncertainty about what lies ahead in life.

Handling divorce or breakup grief

  • Understand and appreciate that there is no harm in having different feelings. After all, it is not unusual to feel tired, angry, confused, frustrated and/or unhappy.
  • All these emotions can be pretty intense. There could be anxiousness within you feeling apprehensive about your future. You should start accepting that feelings like these are bound to change over a period of time. Although your relationship with your spouse was unhealthy, it can be scary to venture into an unknown arena.
  • You deserve a break now, so go for it. You should allow yourself the luxury of functioning or feeling somewhat less than your usual level for certain period. It is possible that your work productivity is lower than usual at this crucial phase of your life. Plus, you may not be affectionate towards others in the manner you used to be for a while. After all, you do not have any kind of superpower. So take time to go through the healing process, re-energize, and regroup.
  • Do hand holding at this critical phase of your life. You should share your emotions either with family and close friends who can help you to get over your grief during this period. Try to be a part of a support group so that you can speak to people who are going through a similar situation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is Divorce Affecting Your Mental Health?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThose who have been through a divorce actually realize that it is hardly a picnic. At least, the statement is true for most of the divorced couples. Both the emotional as well as the legal process can take a toll on your physical and mental well being. When you find yourself entangled in a divorce that is full of drama and high conflict, your case may drag on for an indefinite time period. Further, your mental health can suffer due to your emotional turmoil. Research has proved that a divorce can even affect your heartbeat and sleeping habits.

Plus, there is plenty of uncertainty, which comes as an additional baggage with your divorce making you feel insecure today or even in the future. Based on your unique circumstances, it is possible that you need to move all of a sudden, resume work after many years when your sole focus was on your home and kids. You may even have to survive with fewer funds than before. When you are aware of the mental health issues that may pop up during your divorce, you can be in control over your emotional and physical health and are able to take all such steps that can prevent excessive damage.

Divorce and anxiety

There are ample case studies to prove that divorce may expose the involved parties to a higher risk of a mental state such as anxiety. This emotional state may be reflected by chronic worry, increased physical agitation, panic attacks, restlessness or fearfulness, and irritability. It is normal to be busy with the various details and intricacies of your divorce, relationship issues with your former spouse and thinking about those negative issues that you may have to cope up with next. Anxiety can lead to a feeling of obsessiveness while causing havoc to your everyday function, sleep, and concentration. In case you feel that you are suffering from high degrees of anxiety while your divorce proceeding is still going on or after your divorce, you should either get in touch with your physician promptly or try out any or all of the following natural remedies.

Search for support groups or a professional counselor

  • Pursue some new hobbies
  • Exercise regularly
  • Form new friendships
  • Get engaged in meaningful work
  • Volunteer to help others
  • Get in touch with your friends and family for support

Divorce and depression

Depression occurring due to a painful life event such as divorce is not same as clinical depression. The former is referred to as situational depression of adjustment disorder. However, both situational depression and clinical depression may manifest in a similar manner.

Depression after a divorce may also happen due to some other factors. These are as follows:

  • Avoiding one’s friends and family
  • Staying away from responsibility
  • Engaging in conflict or fighting
  • Performance becomes poor at workplace due to inadequate or no focus

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tips To Ensure That Marriage Counseling Works

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law Firm, Inc.There is a common perception among many that when a couple goes for marriage counseling, it is not a good sign for the marriage. However, in several cases, it does not signify that there is a breakdown in the marriage. Rather, it could mean that the couple could be still united. At least, they could be still willing to work out on certain issues in their marriage. Thus, it may not be the case of a marriage going bitter when partners go for marriage counseling. For many couples, marriage counseling has definitely made things work for the better. But how to ensure that marriage counseling works out successfully for the spouses!?  The following are a few tips to help ensure that marital counseling has a chance to be successful.

You need to seek out the right marriage counselor

Do not be in a haste to select a counselor or do not depend on your insurance company to help you with that. You can use search engines like Google to search the details of some counselor in your neighborhood. Try using Google reviews and go through them to know how good a counselor is. These reviews will give you a fair idea about how effective he or she has been with previous clients. Find out some referrals from your friends and colleagues. Alternatively, post your exact requirements on the social media and ask whether anyone has a good referral or not.

While it is possible that you may feel embarrassed to get in touch with a counselor initially, you will be really surprised to find out that many couples go through such sessions. Finally, when you get in touch with a marriage counselor, ask them whether they would be gracious enough to conduct a complimentary half an hour session with you and your partner so that both of you can meet him/her and decide whether you should finalize him or not. In case they are not ready for a free session, you can request them to consider the first appointment as a consultation.

Both the spouses should be thoroughly committed to the counseling process

While both you and your spouse may not see eye to eye on various issues, if you agree on the idea of counseling, the process may be a successful one. The process may not be an effective one whenever one of the partners does not show interest or is skeptical about the entire process of counseling.  You may not get success in a marriage counseling as a couple when one of you is doubtful about the effectiveness of the process or foes not want to give it a try. It is definitely not worth it to try and convince your partner that counseling may resolve the differences you are facing in your marriage. It is a futile exercise when somebody is doubtful about the process.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Cope With Mistrust After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmCheating is the first thought to haunt the minds of many when they think of the impact of mistrust in any marriage. A big question that also comes into one’s mind is whether a person who cheated on his or her spouse should be trusted again or not. A partner who was betrayed has a tough time in deciding whether the relationship can sustain or not. When a person divorces the spouses who cheated on him or her, it becomes difficult to enter into a new relationship. The reason is simple.

Coping with mistrust can be really difficult, especially after a divorce.  Trust has a wide scope and it is not only about catching a partner lying or speaking the truth. Trust is also all about believing that the other spouse has the best interests in their hearts for their partners. On the other hand, mistrust is all about leaving a lingering doubt in one’s mind that his or her partner does not love them truly and can even leave them. While your spouse may proclaim his or her love send undying devotion for you, do their actions echo what they keep saying?

Mistrust and cheating may not be related always

Once your marriage breaks up; it can lay down a foundation for the birth of mistrust even in your new relationships. Mistrust may pop up even if your partner has not cheated on you. It can happen due to the emotional baggage a person carries after getting divorced for the first time.

You need to understand an important point while exploring this issue. It is highly likely that your partner is not the only person to take the entire responsibility of creating mistrust in you. There are several scenarios where you may also have to own up some kind of a responsibility so that there is an atmosphere of security, safety and loyalty in your relationship.

Some questions to be considered while overcoming mistrust

  • Do you feel uncomfortable while asking for what you require and permit yourself to be vulnerability in the process?
  • Does your apprehension of loss confuse your original perspective and ends up overreacting to your partner’s actions?
  • Do you permit yourself to be respected, loved and pampered?
  • Are you in your best possible self while interacting with your partner? 

You should take lessons from your past mistakes and try acquiring trust

You can learn and nurture trust like any other skill though many people do not regard it as such. While many people discuss about proving their trust, rating trust and restoring trust, very people talk about learning to trust. However, if you develop a viewpoint that you are loved by your partner, trust will automatically come up in your married life.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

 
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