How To Reconcile Your Marriage After A Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou could be separated from your spouse for several months or years. But finally, the time has come to get back together once again. It is likely that you did not even hope that such a day will come in your life. Both of you have learned ways of effective communication, discussed what should be done for your mutual benefit from your relationship going forward and finally, you plan to get back together.

However, does your story end here? In real life, both of you need to take several steps to ensure the success of your marriage reconciliation. The following are some of the important points to keep in your mind to ensure a successful reconciliation after separation.

Do not allow anyone to force you into reconciling

You and your spouse should be the only two people who should be bothered about reconciliation. Your family and friends should be kept out of the entire affair. You need to ensure that it is your decision and not anyone else’s when you desire for a marriage reconciliation. It is time to give some serious thought, grieve your earlier relationship and make sure that no one else is compelling you to reunite.

Do not be in a hurry

Simply because you have taken a call on reconciling does not signify you will get back to your earlier married life. You should consider your decision to reconcile as a fresh relationship.

It also indicates that both of you should follow the same set of steps like a couple who got into a new relationship. So, time for you and your spouse to get familiar with each other at a completely different level. After both of you have dated each other for some time, you may move back together and start living like wife and husband.

Do not break the news to anyone else until it is essential

There will be always many people around you who will love to share their unwanted opinions about your private and personal relationship. In case the same thing is done by your family and friends, it is better to keep the news of your marital reconciliation private till the time you are certain of it. The sudden news of your reconciliation may baffle your kids and other family members, especially when you are not sure of staying together yet. It hardly makes sense to let your family go through another round of separation when you are just toying with the idea of reuniting.

All third parties should be removed from your relationship

If you separated due to an act of betrayal in your marriage, the third person should be removed from your life as soon as possible, particularly when you are reuniting with your spouse. It also means blocking them on social media and removing their names from your mobile phone.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is It Possible To Reconcile With Your Spouse After Separation?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmAre you contemplating to reconcile with your spouse after your legal separation? If that is the case, you can think about the following things.

It is important to concentrate on your communication

In order to have a good marriage, it is crucial for both the spouses to have effective and proper communication. There is a strong likelihood that problems in a couple’s marriage may pop up when there is an absence of a healthy communication between them. So, it makes sense for the couple to have a proper pact for a healthier communication going forward. It is not impossible to pick up the skills of good communication like any other skills. The first step is to understand the importance of listening without being judgmental and think with caution before replying. You should also be honest while discussing your emotions instead of being aggressive with your partner.

Both the parties should demonstrate commitment

Your efforts of marriage reconciliation can be only effective when both you and your spouse show one hundred percent commitment to it. Reuniting after being separated for some time is nothing similar to watching films on the screen and may not be a case of being romantic and living happily ever after. It is possible to enjoy a happy and long-term marriage after your separation only when both you and your spouse demonstrate your commitment towards working on it.

An honest discussion with your spouse is essential to know what you want from the marriage. If both of you want similar things from the marriage and commit to make it work, chances of reconciliation after the marriage has a better chance to work out successfully.

Necessity of teamwork

The separation period between both of you can be a stressful one. However, if you are really serious and focused on reconciliation, it is important to understand that your spouse is not your foe. When both of you are ready to work as a team, difficult conversations and discussions can become simpler. Rather than being at loggerheads, you can become mates of the same team. Looking for solutions become an easy task to accomplish.

Take an honest approach on what went wrong

Honesty in a marriage is about what was not right and ensuring that things are right this time around. So, it is imperative that both of you should sit down together and discuss honestly what was not right the last time. You should also speak about what you should do differently so that your marriage gets a second chance. You need to show kindness towards one another during this process. Indulging in blame game and arguments will not be helpful to resolve the matter or making any progress. Rather, concentrate on agreeing on what should be done differently going ahead.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tips To Ensure That Marriage Counseling Works

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThere is a common perception among many that when a couple goes for marriage counseling, it is not a good sign for the marriage. However, in several cases, it does not signify that there is a breakdown in the marriage. Rather, it could mean that the couple could be still united. At least, they could be still willing to work out on certain issues in their marriage. Thus, it may not be the case of a marriage going bitter when partners go for marriage counseling. For many couples, marriage counseling has definitely made things work for the better. But how to ensure that marriage counseling works out successfully? The following are a few tips:

You need to seek out the right marriage counselor

Do not be in a haste to select a counselor or do not depend on your insurance company to help you with that. You can use search engines like Google to search the details of some counselor in your neighborhood. Try using Google reviews and go through them to know how good a counselor is. These reviews will give you a fair idea about how effective he or she has been with previous clients. Find out some referrals from your friends and colleagues. Alternatively, post your exact requirements on the social media and ask whether anyone has a good referral or not.

While it is possible that you may feel embarrassed to get in touch with a counselor initially, you will be really surprised to find out that many couples go through such sessions.

Both the spouses should be thoroughly committed to the counseling process

While both you and your spouse may not see eye to eye on various issues, if you agree on the idea of counseling, the process may be a successful one. The process may not be an effective one whenever one of the partners does not show interest or is skeptical about the entire process of counseling.  You may not get success in a marriage counseling as a couple when one of you is doubtful about the effectiveness of the process or foes not want to give it a try.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated! Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

What Are The Common Causes of Conflict in a Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmAll marriages go through conflicts and so you will be hardly surprised when you go through the following sources of discord between you and your spouse. After going through them, you need to consider the ones that are applicable for you and your partner.

Children

Check out the following kid-related conflicts that may come up between you and your spouse

  • Ways of discipline them
  • Many parents enter into a competition unknowingly to get the approval of their children
  • Degree or magnitude of disciplining the children

Work

  • When a spouse works for excessively long hours
  • Not earning enough despite working for such long hours
  • When a spouse needs to travel excessively for work

Money

Here is a reason of spousal conflict that reflects plenty of stuff such as trust, power, and control. There are many such cases where one of the spouses misused or misled their money and consequently broke the trust. In fact, the feeling could be as traumatic as a spouse feels when he or she is betrayed by their partner. Money also offers options. These choices become more when plenty of money is involved. When there is less money, options become limited while the stress level can be high due to lack of it. That is precisely the reason why many therapists and marriage counselors advise the couples to be careful about acquiring debts, especially at an early stage. The initial years and months in any marriage can be stressful for doing the normal adjustments, which are required to be made. So, couples should not incur early debt and increase the stress further

In-laws

It is one of the sensitive subjects since it is all about the family. There are several occasions when the in-laws may interfere too much leading to situations of conflict in a marriage.

Time commitments

There are situations when overbooking may occur in a subtle manner, All of a sudden when you look around; you find that you are drowning yourself in commitments. It is better to calendar your time so that the air can be cleared and you can reconnect. You can plan such times while away on an annual retreat. In fact, you may feel out of control and somewhat lost without it. Such events can invariably lead to more conflicts and stress in a marriage.

Former girlfriends or ex-boyfriends

Today, social media offers a chance to get in touch with old and lost friends and in some cases reunite with those special and “dear” friends. You should be very cautious about situations like these. In case you experience tension in the house due to such relationships, you should close such accounts or unfriend them to move on with your life. After all, it is not the right time when you should defend your old but just good friends from yesteryear. It is possible to lead your life without the social media when it strains the trust factor in your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why Do Some People Remarry Their Ex-Spouse After Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSometimes, spouses cannot save their marriage for different reasons and eventually split up and divorce.  However, sometimes such couples meet each other years later and find that they still have feelings and a spark for each other, and even contemplate remarrying their former spouses.  Why is that?  Here are some of the reasons why some people want to remarry their ex-spouses:

Distance and time make them realize their feelings for another

There are many such occasions and instances when the couples only realize their affection for one another after they get divorced. In fact, in such cases, though they have been separated from one another, these couples may still feel connected to each other.

Anger dissipate as they get time to ponder and reflect

When couples part after their divorce, it becomes simpler to reflect on their relationships and what went wrong. With the passage, if time, their negative feelings for one another may not be as intense as they were earlier. Moreover, the ex-spouses start acknowledging their shortcomings for the failure in their marriage. Realization on how things could have been made better is an initial step to reconcile and work out their relationships

Grass is not always greener on the other side

Some former couples thought that things would be better after parting ways. They felt there were other people who understood them better.  However, after being single for dime time, these couples start feeling that their former spouse was much better than the people they dated subsequently.

Changes in personality and falling in love once again

As people grow older, they change and become more mature. However, that does not mean these couples have grown apart. There could have been the end of the marriage since spouses changed. But there is a possibility that some of them may change once again at a later stage of their lives. They find that they still live their ex-husband or ex-wife.

In case the partners are not able to pardon one another, the negativity may still remain within them. However, when something alters or when they spend time separated from one another and later on see things in a balanced perspective, they may forgive one another and can even reconnect.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

How To Reconcile After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have already signed the settlement documents but a part of you all of a sudden feels that you should not have finalized your divorce. Hence, you are anxious to know ways of reconciling your marriage. In case you feel that the issues in the marriage can be reversible and both of you can work towards resolving them, there is a possibility of reconciliation. The most crucial point to note here is that while putting in efforts to reunite with your spouse, you may have to begin all over. Thereafter, you may consider these ways for reconciliation after your divorce.

Talk as much as possible

Remember the time when you met your ex-spouse for the first time?  Both of you spoke and communicated a lot. You need to repeat the same process all over again. Speak to your ex-husband or ex-wife as much as possible. Email, text or call to discuss the issues that is crucial in their day. You should also show your enthusiasm in all those activities your former partner is interested in. Be vocal and compliment him/her. Tell your ex-spouse how much you missed them. Once the initial courting period ends, ask then for the first date. You should regard this date as an occasion as if you are young out with a new person.

Discuss the issues and concerns that haunted your marriage

Once you have established a rapport with your ex-husband or wife, you can start discussing the issues related to your marriage. The most appropriate time for doing this is when you realize that your ex-spouse is ready for commitment once again. After all, you round hardly want history to repeat itself once again. Else your new relationship may have the same conclusion like your previous marriage had. You need to be frank about discussing what went wrong the previous time Keep an open mind when you discuss the causes of the breakup. At times discussing these things can be tough and so counseling could be an excellent mechanism to bring out the concerns in the open so that you can work on them to sort out as effectively as possible.

Proceed gradually and be cautious

While it is easy to hurry up in re-establishing the rapport with your former spouse since it may feel like you are dating him/her for the first time like the old days, you need to apply caution. Do not get carried away by your emotions since things may crash. You should take one step at a time and keep a close tab on how things are progressing between the two of you. Though you should appreciate that it is a fresh beginning, do not forget that there is a past attached to it, which requires resolution and contemplation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

 
No Legal Advice Intended: This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems. Full disclaimer.