Kids and How To Date Responsibly After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several instances when a child does not take it well when their dad or mom starts dating someone after a divorce. The million dollar question is how does a parent handle the kid(s) in such a situation.

Your kid(s) could be upset for an end number of complex reasons. They could be apprehensive that a new stepparent may make things quite complicated and take all their parent’s attention. The matter of territory also plays a big part in how they feel about it. They have started thinking that you are their mother/father, it is only their house and the new person is not their dad or mom. Such emotions could be overwhelming as well as scary for them.

Speak to your kids about what impact does your dating have on them. Find out what are those aspects which are upsetting them. Such an understanding can be useful for you to make this new experience simpler on them. In case you find that your child is worried that your dating will limit your time together, you should make sure that you spend some exclusive one-on-one time with them. If they do not like to see you around with a man/woman apart from their father/mother, explain to them that you are trying to make new friends just like they would do in a completely new situation.

You should make all attempts to ensure that you are maintaining the same routine with your child so that the new dating does not have any impact in their day-to-day life. However, it is not mandatory that they should meet every guy/girl you are going out on a date. The reason being it may be both confusing and overwhelming for them. You should wait for a while till the time you are sure that the said relationship is getting to the next level and then introduce him or her to your kids.

A little patience can solve lots of problems

You need to be patient since it could take time for your children to adjust to the new person in your life. There are many children who keep hoping and wishing that both the parents will eventually be together. However, ultimately, most of the times they want their mother and father be happy in each other’s company. It may also help when you seek out for professional help such as other divorced parents or a good marriage counselor.

Your divorce could be tough on your child

When you get a divorce from your spouse, it can be tough for the parents as well as for their children. Children may demonstrate emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness as a means of responding to the loss of a usual two-parent family. Such emotions may lead your child exhibiting social withdrawal, symptoms, aggressiveness, facing difficulties in school, behaviors or any other types of social problems. Thus parents can try to deal with such behaviors in their kids by being frank with their off-springs and discussing these issues frankly.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Overview of Stepparent Rights

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Best Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmModern families are different because it is common for divorcees to remarry and combine their two families. Usually, step and biological parents will share the responsibilities while raising kids. However, step and biological parents have different rights, under California law.

During marriage

Unless a stepparent adopts the children legally or if the stepparent has right to custody, stepparents have limited rights. Usually, biological parents retain legal custody and rights of their children. Although stepparents can be involved in the decision processes, according to California law, biological parents have the last word.

Visitation after divorce

In the best interest of the children involved in the divorce, courts in California can somewill grant the stepparent visitation rights. However, the right to visitation can never conflict the right to visitation or custody given to the biological parent.

Courts believe that if too many people have visitation rights, it can negatively impact children. However, if there are no biological parents who have visitation rights or joint custody, a step parent who has strong relationships with the children can prove that visitation is best for them.

Custody after divorce

Under some circumstances, the step parent can obtain custody of the children after a divorce. If the step parent legally adopts the child/children, then the step parent will retain the right to physical and legal custody of the child/children. The step parent will have this right even if he/she isn’t with the biological parent.

However, if the biological parent emotionally and physically abuses their children or if the biological parent consumes alcohol and drugs, and the other biological parent is unavailable, the step parent may gain custody.

Legal guardianship

If the biological parents are unable to look after their children after the court took away their parental rights or because they passed away, the step parent can apply for legal guardianship, under California law.

The court will ultimately determine what type of custody and visitation agreement works in favor of the children, not the biological or step parents. However, step parents can make arrangements with biological parents, if they want to remain involved in the lives of their step children.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why You Should Put Your Kids First During Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmMany parents have a belief that their kids are emotionally more pliant and flexible as compare to them and they can cope up with the aftereffects of their parents’ divorce. The divorce experience of any child will shape up based on how well their parents look after them even after the divorce is finalized so that they feel loved and secure.

Here are some of the top reasons why your children should be given first priority during your divorce:

Your divorce can mean a big change in the lives of your children

Such changes include getting involved in the conflict between you and their other parent, an absence of emotional security, economic difficulty, and change of residence and so on.

A divorce can make a child feel that he or she has now lost their family which has been the center of their world till now.

When children grow up in a family where conflicts and stress factors are low, they feel secure and their family acts as a shield of security for them. This feeling of security and belongingness enable a child to face the world with confidence and widen their outlooks as they know that they have a secure home to return to. When this intact family does not exist anymore after their parent’s divorce, it is as shocking as a death in the family for a child. Thus there should be a proper grieving period and they should be given the time and the opportunity to substitute it with a fresh kind of a security.

The risks of sociological, educational and psychological problems of a child may go up after their parent’s divorce

All aspects of a kid’s life get impacted when his or her parents decide to divorce; they may even have a change in relationship with their close friends. Additionally, their capability to concentrate and focus in school may also get negatively impacted. As such, there is a great deal of likelihood for such a child to feel depressed and anxious.

Kids may go through emotional trauma and pain after their parents’ divorce

Irrespective of how much effort a parent puts in and how good they are in their parenting skills, children may still feel lost and sad after the divorce or while the divorce is going on, the divorce of their parents will always hurt children. It is not true that children are always happy when their parents are happy.

There are some parents who are under a misconception that their kids spend energy and time thinking about their happiness.  However, children are always more concerned about their own happiness, especially during such trying times.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Handle A Divorce You Don’t Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmEver since many states implemented the no-fault divorce laws, a divorce cannot be stopped legally after the procedure starts. Under such laws, a person enjoys a right to get a divorce without procuring permission from the other spouse or showing grounds for divorce. A no-fault divorce law regards a marriage as a contract. Laws ensure that the party that wants to come out the marriage is adequately protected legally instead of protecting the other spouse that wants to stay in that marriage.

Check out some of the ways to handle a divorce you may not want, in a mature manner.

Be calm and do not show your agitation when you learn about your divorce.

Your hostility and fury should be within check and show your concern that your spouse has reached to that point emotionally where she or he feels that divorce is the only solution for them.  Your broken marriage cannot be fixed by your outburst and your behavior may even make it worse, In case your spouse is no longer drawn to you and is on the verge of filing the divorce. Also, tell them that it is only fair to give some efforts before taking petition, you should control your hurt feelings and pride so that both of you are open and rational with each other and you are aware what your spouse requires from you so that he or she may contemplate restoring the marriage.

Do not shirk from accepting your responsibility in the issues that came up in your marriage

You should give an opportunity to your spouse to share their emotions and feelings with you and learn what they regard as the key issues and then respond by not opposing their feelings. Offer to work together in a collaborative and amicable manner so that it is easier to find solutions for those issues. The process involves looking at this situation from the perspective of your spouse. This way you will get to hear your spouse’s version. Although you may feel that they are being crazy and giving excuses, not are their point of view and opposing the feelings of your spouse will not help you to restore your crumbling marriage.

You can request your spouse to hold the divorce for some time till you both have met and consulted a marital therapist.

You can try to explain your wife or husband that it s your belief that adequate work has not been done to repair the concerns that came up in your marriage before making the final call.

However, whether you succeed in stopping your divorce and marriage work will depend on how complex your marital problems are. It also depends on the extent of emotional detachment your spouse is going through.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Deal With Not Seeing Your Kids Every Day After The Divorce is Over

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmSpending time away from one’s kids can really be devastating for a parent. It is a natural desire for parents to be in the company of their kids every day. Parents expect to dine with their little ones, to tell bed time stories before putting them into their beds and listen to what they did in the entire day. Parents also love hugging and kissing their kids to show their affection for their offspring. Hence when you spend too much time away from them, there could be co-parenting conflicts with the other parent

Such emotions are not unusual as protecting and caring for one’s kid is in the DNA. Even the thought of staying away from them can be painful and scary. It is not like someone is telling the co-parents that way. Such pain is not simply a feeling, it is real. No parent would voluntarily opt to go through that kind of anguish at any point in their lives.

Check out some of the following strategies that can help a parent to deal with such a pain.

You should remember that no emotional state is permanent

While you must be going through a lot of mental agonies, they will soon pass. When a parent faces such intense emotions, they may feel trapped for always. However, that is not true.

Learn ways of managing emotional stress

These mental states can be really painful. But it is crucial to know ways of one’ tolerating these as well as gliding through them. A parent should develop skills such as mindfulness to cope up with such mental states.

Do not shirk to approach for help.

You can consult a therapist or even approach a good support group. It will help you to remember that there are people around you and spending these difficult moments with others can be a big help.

Leave your home from time to time

The natural ambiance and fresh air can do wonders for your mental state. When you stay in foes for long hours and brood, it will be a big help to come out of your existing emotional state.

Read a lot

Many people who read a lot are known to combat difficult phases in their lives successfully and face the world once again.

Spend more time with families and friends

Make plans to go out with your family or friends. For instance, you can watch a movie together, attend a concert or enjoy a picnic.

Follow your passion

Many times, family responsibilities make your passions and hobbies to take a backseat. It is the perfect time to pursue your interests once again. So get engages in an activity or a hobby that will help you not to think too much.’

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Smart Tips for Stay-At-Home Mothers Facing Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Child custody attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmBoth you and your former spouse had your own distinct roles while you were married and a stay at home mother. While your ex husband worked outside, you did your work inside the home. In fact, everything went on pretty well.

But now that you are getting divorced, you need to do plenty of things to ensure that your divorce remains a smooth process. It is particularly true since you are looking forward to a fresh beginning after your divorce comes through.

Here are some of the smart tips, which can be a big differentiator to thrive successfully after your divorce gets finalized,

Get yourself an experienced accountant

It may be the case that both you and your then spouse have hired an accountant while you were married. but now that a divorce period has been already filed, it is better to have a separate accountant . You should have your own accountant for two main reasons. Firstly, there could be occasions during the divorce proceeding when an accountant will be needed by you for reviewing potential settlements. He or she will help you to realize what could be the consequences in terms of taxation. When you have a separate accountant, you can get the get the best possible guidance from them. Secondly, divorce may have some tax implications. It is particularly true in the first couple of years.  For instance you could be a co-owner of your home. Alternatively you may have to file certain forms to make sure that your returns are filed properly. When you have an accountant to guide you, handling such issues becomes child play.

You need to have a reputable financial adviser in your team

Just like having an accountant can save your headaches with respect to taxes, a good financial advisor can guide you in examining choices of potential settlement from the perspective of both future plans and cash on hand. They can even advise you to invest in non-retirement or retirement funds that you get as a result of your divorce settlement. Thus they will help you to carve out a budget so that you are aware the kind of support required for you after the divorce and help you to be out of financial difficulty.

Get an appraisal of your home done

A big blunder committed by many estranged couples is that they make a guess of the worth of their home. Your house could be the biggest asset so its proper calculation is a must. It will not be of much use to rely on only certain real-estate sites.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Documents Your Divorce Lawyer Will Need In The Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYour divorce attorney will need certain crucial financial documents before the divorce proceedings start and during such proceedings. Some such documents include income related documents and tax returns.  Other documents that your lawyer will need are property valuations, marital debts, documentation of assets, and related documents.

While you are getting your documents, your attorney may ask for digital or hard copies of them. However, you should make it a point to keep copies of all those documents you handed over to your divorce attorney. If you have handed them over the digital copies, save another copy either online using a cloud based service or take a backup of it. When you show these documents online through software like Google Docs, you can easily access them and you can always fetch them even if your system crashes,

It is also imperative that an organized and complete file with all the relevant documents is submitted to your attorney. It will then enable to make your negotiation process run in a smoother manner. On the other hand, when you need to approach the court, a well-organized file will help you to provide better supportive evidence in your favor.

  1. Income related documents
  • If you are employed, you need to collate pay slips from both your present and previous employers for the last one year. In case you are self-employed, you need to submit business forms or income tax returns that are associated with the income generated from your self-employment.
  • If possible, get the pay slips of your spouse for the same duration.
  • You need to also submit copies of individual or joint tax returns as applicable for both federal and state for the last 3 years.
  • When either your spouse or you are self-employed, it is also necessary to get documents relevant to your business expenses.
  • Copies of statements highlighting net worth or any other financial statements that were prepared by your spouse or you to secure bank loans.
  1. Real estate related documents
  • Present mortgage statements that you could be having on a real estate asset.
  • All documents that legally describe whether the said real estate is owned separately or together.
  • Documents related to the real estate’s initial purchase.
  • Statement of tax assessor related to a real estate.
  • In case any refinancing has been done for a real estate, you need to submit all the documents related to such a refinance.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Top 3 Ways To Keep Your Kids Happy Even After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmMost divorced couples, as well as divorce experts, would agree that kids get highly affected by the conflict between their parents after the latter are divorced. It is interesting to note that kids are not harmed by their parents’ divorce, rather the onus lies on those parents who do not give first priority to their kids during the divorce. As parents, it is your responsibility to do the best for your kids after the divorce comes through so that they do not turn into collateral victims. Are you a worried parent who does not want your divorce to cause a negative impact on the kids or minimize them as possible? Here are some of those things to take care of such an issue.

Try to put yourself in your kids’ shoes

Never be under the illusion that your children are related when they get to know that their father or mother are in love again or are dating a new person or love going out with their friends.  Things simply do not function that way. As a loving parent, your happiness should depend on how satisfied your children are. It should never work in a reverse way. After all kids are narcissistic in nature, which means they are more bothered about their own happiness and requirements. It is not your kid’s lookout how happy you are in your personal life.

Both the parents should try to have a healthy relationship after their divorce

Both the parents have a special and individual influence in the lives of their children. Your children gave got a better chance to grow up as healthy adults when they get the company of both their parents. So, it is extremely crucial for the kids of the divorced parents to get equal time to spend with both their parents. It is quite likely that you are not quite fond of your gourmet spouse now but that does not mean your kids will stop loving their other parent. When you love your kids above everyone else, make sure that all their requirements are fulfilled despite your not so cordial relationship with your ex.

Try to let go of the feeling that you are superior to the other parent

It is possible that your former spouse abused you or cheated on you. However, what is more, crucial is whether they treat your kids well or not. When they love the children despite their shortcomings and your children feel secure and respected with their other parents, you should not be judgmental.

Finally, kids can be victims when it is a question of their parents getting divorced. They do not have any voice in the decisions taken by you and your spouse regarding the marriage breakup. It is imperative that they have some sort of control over how they should live. You can be their best parents by fulfilling their emotional needs even after the divorce is finalized.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Have a Smooth Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmIt is not easy for any couple to end their marriage and when they are prepared for it, chances are that there may not be harmony between the partners when the divorce proceeding is going on or after it is through. However, you need not feel down as your experience will depend on the choices made by you while the separation process is on and before it starts.  Check out some of the following tips to ensure that there is a smooth transition from being married to being single once again.

Put aside your negative emotions if any

When you are capable of assessing your emotional and mental state and can accordingly admit your feelings, you are ready to accept the reality of the present. It also signifies that you can adapt yourself to the changes that are inevitable. Before you are all set to proceed with the legal procedure, you can get in touch with a therapist to overcome your negative emotions. In other words, do your best to rise above your emotions.

Have a positive team to support you in this difficult period of your life

You should have a positive team to support you when your divorce process is on. While going through the divorce, you will find that you have two different types of family members and friends. You need not feel alone. When your loved ones surround you, you can get through this process smoothly.

Approach the right kind of divorce lawyer when you have to do so

If your partner and you are going through negotiations on divorce settlements, you need to inform your attorney. He or she should also approve your wish to resolve vital legal matters in a civil manner. You need to remember that your lawyer is your voice during the proceeding. Hence, you should ensure that your lawyer should have a thorough understanding of ways to minimize legal and emotional conflict for all involved parties.

Try to use choices other than litigation

There are alternatives available to you while your divorce proceeding is going on to decrease conflict as well as inspire collaboration between your partner and you. You may take the help of a collaborative coach or a mediator while negotiating a divorce settlement with your spouse. They are trained professionals who guide couples so that conflict can be reduced, thereby enabling proper decision-making that is based on the foundation of facts rather than emotions. Your coach or mediator will help your spouse and you while splitting the marital property, reaching an agreement on child custody and ascertaining child support.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

3 Ways to Protect Yourself from Your Unreasonable Former Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have signed the paperwork and have been through with the process of divorce, it is now final. Moreover, it is a fresh beginning for you and time you move ahead once again.  However, that may not be the case always for all. There are many such instances when a former spouse has been able to take this transition with a punch of salt and may behave irrationally or harshly. In such cases, the conflict between the two may continue even after the finalization of their divorce and unreasonable behavior may prevail. When your former spouse is unreasonable, they may make your children and you quite miserable. If there is a conflict between your former partner and you, they can use issues like child support and child visitations tools. While it may not be possible to control such an errant partner’s behavior, you can still how you should respond to such behavior. It is better to take a proactive stand while interacting with your unreasonable spouse so that the stress between the two of you causes due to your ex’s manipulation can lessen.

Try not to engage into conflict with your ex

The conflict may become more severe if you continue to engage in it. When your ex-makes unreasonable demand sand you respond defensively, you are actually rising to the bait and the conflict may further escalate. In case your spouse sends you harsh emails with threats of separating your kids from you or writes something that makes you feel concerned, do not give any reply. When you do not respond, your ex will be stopped in his/her tracks.

Do not feel concerned or bother yourself with what is being said

Certain words can be quite hurtful. Your hostile former spouse might bad mouth you and spread nasty things about your behaviors and character. You may naturally feel inclined to retaliate to such lies about you. However, just responding to their words would not put an end to those lies. When you lash out the world may feel you are being unreasonable too.

Do not surrender just because you are scared

Your ex-spouse is the person who perhaps knows you the most. Such knowledge may give them the necessary weapon to torture you. Your fears and weaknesses are known to them and they can push these buttons to demand what they desire. Controlling you could be a powerful tool in their hands. A hostile ex may manipulate situations to their advantage by making you anxious and controlling you. So, do not let them use your weaknesses and fears to their advantage and try to rise above your fears and apprehensions.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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