4 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody attorneys in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmFor many couples, a custody battle is a big headache and they try to avoid it as much as possible. For this reason, many settle for joint custody arrangements. However, even joint custody arrangements can become maddening and exhausting, especially for couples who have had a strained relationship.

There are divorces where neither of the spouses wants to be fully responsible for the child. It usually happens when both parents are working and none have the entire day to look after children. For such parents, co-parenting is a great option but sometimes even that can become tough. If you are one such individual, then here are some tips that will help you with your co-parenting.

  1. Collaborate with your ex

The best way for parents to make co-parenting successful is to collaborate with each other and focus on the needs of the child. Having a bitter relationship with your ex can cost you a lot financially and emotionally. According to recent reports, children who witness bad divorces are more likely to be affected by anxiety and depression among other problems. Costs can also be shared equally and the burden of responsibility gets lessened.

  1. Create a plan

Creating a long-term plan always works when you don’t know how to go about co-parenting with your ex. Have a talk with your ex and let him/her know what you intend to do for the child in the next 10 years. Your plan should include basic requirements like education, school or college, nourishment, health and shelter. It should also include family time as it contributes to a child’s growth.

  1. Communicate effectively

Ineffective or low communication is probably the reason why you and your partner are not together anymore. Set aside your differences and talk to your ex about your child’s future. Communication often helps one understand the problems faced by the other person and how it can be solved.

  1. Share things equally

Co-parenting is all about sharing everything equally between two people. It includes responsibilities, costs, time and problems. Equal sharing takes a certain amount of load from each of the parents’ shoulder and allows them to focus on important things related to the child.

Co-parenting is never easy and for some it is challenging. However, effective communication and collaboration can have magical effects. Additionally, you should create a plan and work towards your child’s needs. Sharing everything, which is part of co-parenting, makes the job easier.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Click the following link to download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tips To Have Healthy Communication with Your Former Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmDo you have children from your marriage to your former spouse!  If the answer is yes, then it is extremely important to maintain a civil and courthouse relationship with your former husband/wife. It is quite necessary that the parents hide their differences and work for their children’s welfare.  In case there is resentment within you or proper communication does not exist with your ex-spouse, you will not lose anything. Rather your kids can be impacted negatively.

There are several such studies that prove divorce does not damage the kids. Rather parents who are irrational after they part ways may damage their mental states. So, try not to be a parent like that. When you put efforts to creating a productive and dress relationship with the other parent, the healing process will be after getting both the involved parties and it will be easier for you and your children to move ahead in life. The following tips are useful to keep your negative emotions toward your former spouse at bay.

Define clear-cut boundaries and try to stick to them

You should communicate with one another properly and establish proper boundaries and scopes for the responsibilities you need to carry out in the lives of your kids.  Both of you need to understand that you should value your relationship with each other for your children’s sake and hold that relationship in high regard. When you define proper boundaries about your co-parenting relationships after the divorce to move forward, it will help in creating a positive atmosphere, which will help to alleviate the stress and tension of coping up with issues related to child custody and visitation

Consult a good therapist

Are you having a tough time while discussing crucial issues related to your kids? It is better to take guidance from a third and unbiased party in such scenarios. So do not hesitate to approach a therapist, a friend or a clergy who is close to both you and your spouse.  When your former spouse is not willing to be a part of it a therapy after the divorce, you should go ahead alone for it. The conflict between both of you can reduce when you learn new and important skills and know ways of responding to situations, which may trigger a conflict. You can learn how important it is when you do not engage in a conflict with your ex-spouse and how to control your emotions of you want to retaliate when provoked. It is important to forget your past so that things go smooth in the future.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Click this link to download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Handling Divorce Grief in Your Own Way

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmA divorce or a separation can indeed be an emotional and highly stressful experience in one’s life. Your entire universe may go upside down irrespective of the reason for your separation and whether you were willing for it or not. A breakup can create a host of unsettling and painful emotions. You could be not only grieving at this stage but also feeling apprehensive about your future, isolated, and baffled. However, there are several things that you can do at your end to handle your divorce grief; let this tough time pass and move on in life with a fresh vigor, optimism, and hope.

Why can divorce be full of misery for many?

Although your relationship could have been rocky for quite some time, a breakup or a divorce can be quite painful as it not only symbolizes the loss of a partnership but also of the commitments and dreams both you and your partner had shared. Any love marriage begins with a lot of excitement and positive hopes for a bright future. But the moment a relationship crumbles, people go through profound disillusionment, grief, anxiety, and stress. A divorce or breakup throws you into unexplored territories. There are so many changes in your life with respect to your responsibilities and routine, relationship with friends and extended family, your identity and even your home. A divorce can also introduce a great sense of uncertainty about what lies ahead in life.

Handling divorce or breakup grief

  • Understand and appreciate that there is no harm in having different feelings. After all, it is not unusual to feel tired, angry, confused, frustrated and/or unhappy.
  • All these emotions can be pretty intense. There could be anxiousness within you feeling apprehensive about your future. You should start accepting that feelings like these are bound to change over a period of time. Although your relationship with your spouse was unhealthy, it can be scary to venture into an unknown arena.
  • You deserve a break now, so go for it. You should allow yourself the luxury of functioning or feeling somewhat less than your usual level for certain period. It is possible that your work productivity is lower than usual at this crucial phase of your life. Plus, you may not be affectionate towards others in the manner you used to be for a while. After all, you do not have any kind of superpower. So take time to go through the healing process, re-energize, and regroup.
  • Do hand holding at this critical phase of your life. You should share your emotions either with family and close friends who can help you to get over your grief during this period. Try to be a part of a support group so that you can speak to people who are going through a similar situation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Activities To Engage In or Discard to Lower Divorce-Related Stress

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmFrom the time you have filed a divorce petition, there are lots to worry about. You are still figuring out how to move your kids between two different households, trying to coordinate with your divorce lawyer or a mediator or both, handling your children’s emotional needs and coping up with the emotional stress you could be going through, and so on. Even experts say that a divorce is one of the biggest stressors of life. Hence, it is imperative that you put your best foot forward to ensure that your stress is minimized. There are certain activities you should drop and certain others you should continue doing to deal with your stress.

WHAT TO DISCARD: 

  • Conventional dinners

Drop the practice of having traditional dinners. Instead, try to go for snack dinners. Take out your plate and fill them up with healthy food products such as peanut butter, rolls, peanuts, grapes, apple slices, applesauce, and cheese slices. There should be a proper ratio of carbs, vegetables/fruits, and proteins in your diet. Thus, you now have a well-balanced but easy to gather dinner ready within a few minutes.

  • Electronic gadgets

It has been often proved that certain devices are not good to depend on as babysitters. However, at times, when children are thoroughly bored, the stress level of the mom is maximum or there is a doctor’s appointment at the last moment, some devices may help. But over-dependence on electronic devices is not good for health in the long run. Try to avoid them just before your bedtime as the blue light being emitted from them may cause havoc to your kid’s sleep.

WHAT TO CONTINUE: 

  • Chatting with your children

By this time your children are aware that you are going through a rough patch. When you validate their feelings and discuss issues with them openly in a loving and positive way, you will enjoy a healthy relationship with them during this tough time.

  • Bedtime routine with kids

The right kind of bedtime routine you follow with your kids can make them relaxed while being a great stress-buster for them. Maintaining a consistent schedule even while you are stressed can bring in comfort while minimizing stress-related insomnia. Researches have proved that it can alleviate the stress levels of the moms too.

  • Have dates with family at night

You can have family date nights with your children though there could be financial constraints now. However, many big cities offer plenty of free activities that you can indulge in with your children. The least you can do is go out for a picnic in the nearby park or take them out for a walk after completing dinner.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why Do Some People Remarry Their Ex-Spouse After Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSometimes, spouses cannot save their marriage for different reasons and eventually split up and divorce.  However, sometimes such couples meet each other years later and find that they still have feelings and a spark for each other, and even contemplate remarrying their former spouses.  Why is that?  Here are some of the reasons why some people want to remarry their ex-spouses:

Distance and time make them realize their feelings for another

There are many such occasions and instances when the couples only realize their affection for one another after they get divorced. In fact, in such cases, though they have been separated from one another, these couples may still feel connected to each other.

Anger dissipate as they get time to ponder and reflect

When couples part after their divorce, it becomes simpler to reflect on their relationships and what went wrong. With the passage, if time, their negative feelings for one another may not be as intense as they were earlier. Moreover, the ex-spouses start acknowledging their shortcomings for the failure in their marriage. Realization on how things could have been made better is an initial step to reconcile and work out their relationships

Grass is not always greener on the other side

Some former couples thought that things would be better after parting ways. They felt there were other people who understood them better.  However, after being single for dime time, these couples start feeling that their former spouse was much better than the people they dated subsequently.

Changes in personality and falling in love once again

As people grow older, they change and become more mature. However, that does not mean these couples have grown apart. There could have been the end of the marriage since spouses changed. But there is a possibility that some of them may change once again at a later stage of their lives. They find that they still live their ex-husband or ex-wife.

In case the partners are not able to pardon one another, the negativity may still remain within them. However, when something alters or when they spend time separated from one another and later on see things in a balanced perspective, they may forgive one another and can even reconnect.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

How To Reconcile After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have already signed the settlement documents but a part of you all of a sudden feels that you should not have finalized your divorce. Hence, you are anxious to know ways of reconciling your marriage. In case you feel that the issues in the marriage can be reversible and both of you can work towards resolving them, there is a possibility of reconciliation. The most crucial point to note here is that while putting in efforts to reunite with your spouse, you may have to begin all over. Thereafter, you may consider these ways for reconciliation after your divorce.

Talk as much as possible

Remember the time when you met your ex-spouse for the first time?  Both of you spoke and communicated a lot. You need to repeat the same process all over again. Speak to your ex-husband or ex-wife as much as possible. Email, text or call to discuss the issues that is crucial in their day. You should also show your enthusiasm in all those activities your former partner is interested in. Be vocal and compliment him/her. Tell your ex-spouse how much you missed them. Once the initial courting period ends, ask then for the first date. You should regard this date as an occasion as if you are young out with a new person.

Discuss the issues and concerns that haunted your marriage

Once you have established a rapport with your ex-husband or wife, you can start discussing the issues related to your marriage. The most appropriate time for doing this is when you realize that your ex-spouse is ready for commitment once again. After all, you round hardly want history to repeat itself once again. Else your new relationship may have the same conclusion like your previous marriage had. You need to be frank about discussing what went wrong the previous time Keep an open mind when you discuss the causes of the breakup. At times discussing these things can be tough and so counseling could be an excellent mechanism to bring out the concerns in the open so that you can work on them to sort out as effectively as possible.

Proceed gradually and be cautious

While it is easy to hurry up in re-establishing the rapport with your former spouse since it may feel like you are dating him/her for the first time like the old days, you need to apply caution. Do not get carried away by your emotions since things may crash. You should take one step at a time and keep a close tab on how things are progressing between the two of you. Though you should appreciate that it is a fresh beginning, do not forget that there is a past attached to it, which requires resolution and contemplation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

How to Help Your Kid through Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmAs thousands of couples decide to end their marriages every year, their kids are also affected in the process. But their reactions will depend to a large extent on their personality, the circumstances under which the parents decided to separate and their age. Kids often get affected when their parent’s divorce. Often, the first reaction these children go through is that of sorry, anger, frustration, sadness, and shock. However, these children can deal these feelings in a better way as they know how to cope up with stress. As an end result, many of them are more tolerant and flexible when they become young adults. At such trying times, the most crucial things both the parents can do are to help their children steer through it by taking the following steps:

Important steps

  • Try to minimize disruptions in the daily routines of their children.
  • Make sure that legal talks, heated arguments, and visible conflicts happen away from the kids.
  • Do not be negative in front of them. Conversation with close friends and private therapy sessions should not take place inside the house.
  • Both the parents should be involved in the lives of their kids. Indifference will hurt them more.

People going through divorce or separation require lots of emotional support from their families, clergy, professionals and friends. However, these adults should never seek support and help from their children though they may appear ready to do so.

Break the news gently

The moment you are completely sure of your divorce plans, you should speak to your children about the decision to separate. Yes, it will be not an easy task to break this news. In case it is possible, it is better if both the parents are present while the news is shared. Make sure that you adopt a neutral and unbiased tone and do not express your emotions of guilt, anger or disillusionment while telling them about your separation. Of possible rehearse how you are going to break the news from beforehand so that you go not lose your temper or become upset during the discussion.

You should discuss the matter in accordance with the temperament, maturity, and age of your kids. But one statement should be common. Whatever took place between both of you; your kids are not responsible for that. This is because a majority of the children feel that they should be blamed when things did not work out between their parents. So, it is extremely crucial that the parents reassure their kids about this.

Rather tell your children that at times the adults do not agree on things or their love for one another change and so they decide to live separately. But also tell them that children will tie the parents forever no matter what happens.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.

Is Divorce Affecting Your Mental Health?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThose who have been through a divorce actually realize that it is hardly a picnic. At least, the statement is true for most of the divorced couples. Both the emotional as well as the legal process can take a toll on your physical and mental well being. When you find yourself entangled in a divorce that is full of drama and high conflict, your case may drag on for an indefinite time period. Further, your mental health can suffer due to your emotional turmoil. Research has proved that a divorce can even affect your heartbeat and sleeping habits.

Plus, there is plenty of uncertainty, which comes as an additional baggage with your divorce making you feel insecure today or even in the future. Based on your unique circumstances, it is possible that you need to move all of a sudden, resume work after many years when your sole focus was on your home and kids. You may even have to survive with fewer funds than before. When you are aware of the mental health issues that may pop up during your divorce, you can be in control over your emotional and physical health and are able to take all such steps that can prevent excessive damage.

Divorce and anxiety

There are ample case studies to prove that divorce may expose the involved parties to a higher risk of a mental state such as anxiety. This emotional state may be reflected by chronic worry, increased physical agitation, panic attacks, restlessness or fearfulness, and irritability. It is normal to be busy with the various details and intricacies of your divorce, relationship issues with your former spouse and thinking about those negative issues that you may have to cope up with next. Anxiety can lead to a feeling of obsessiveness while causing havoc to your everyday function, sleep, and concentration. In case you feel that you are suffering from high degrees of anxiety while your divorce proceeding is still going on or after your divorce, you should either get in touch with your physician promptly or try out any or all of the following natural remedies.

Search for support groups or a professional counselor

  • Pursue some new hobbies
  • Exercise regularly
  • Form new friendships
  • Get engaged in meaningful work
  • Volunteer to help others
  • Get in touch with your friends and family for support

Divorce and depression

Depression occurring due to a painful life event such as divorce is not same as clinical depression. The former is referred to as situational depression of adjustment disorder. However, both situational depression and clinical depression may manifest in a similar manner.

Depression after a divorce may also happen due to some other factors. These are as follows:

  • Avoiding one’s friends and family
  • Staying away from responsibility
  • Engaging in conflict or fighting
  • Performance becomes poor at workplace due to inadequate or no focus

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Run A Family Business With Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmStatistics claim that the United States alone has about one million businesses jointly run by couples. At the same time, as many as 9,00,000 divorces get filed each year in the country. Now, that also means that several marriages where a husband and wife run a joint business form a component of their marital assets will also end in divorce. But there need not be any dissolution of a business partnership just because the marriage has ended.

If a marriage gets dissolved and there is an involvement of a jointly-run business, then the options available are limited and may be associated with their own set of complications, Firstly, such a business could be sold; secondly, any one of the former spouses, who is a partner too can buy the share of the other partner; thirdly, the divorced couple can also continue running the business jointly.

Check out the following tips if you and your ex-want to run your jointly owned business even after your split.

Mutual recognition is crucial

In order to run such a business in an effective manner, both the parties should respect and realize the contributions made by the other party and acknowledge that each one of them added their valuable skills to their business. They must also recognize that such skills still have high importance and will continue benefiting their business in the future. While it is not necessary to praise your former spouse every now and then, it is also important to recognize your stakeholder’s contribution in the jointly-owned business

Role definition is a must

It is possible that the once married couples cum partners may not be attending similar meetings or continue managing the same affairs. When one is looking after business operations and the other partner is into sales, things are manageable. However, if both the partners manage the daily operations of the business, things may not work out. It is a normal phenomenon to find that divorced couples may not see eye-to-eye on several issues. Hence, it makes sense to minimize situations where direct interactions may take place.

Partners should show maturity

There are some behavioral traits, which can help to make this work. When a marriage gets dissolved it is normal for the exes to be not in the best of terms. Hence, it is important for both of them to exhibit more maturity by keeping their emotions in check so that the business benefits at the end.

To stay as business partners even after the dissolution of a marriage partnership may work reasonably well if both the partners work hard and continue contribution in the same manner as they used to while being married.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Ways of Dealing with Your Unreasonable Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmFinally, your divorce paperwork is done and the divorce judgment has come through. You now feel that it is time to make a fresh beginning in your life. But your former spouse may not have been able to come to terms with being divorced and you may foresee a continuation of the conflict and tension in the coming days even though your divorce is finalized. Such unreasonable behavior from your ex may hamper your children’s peace of mind too. You do not want your or your children’s lives to be miserable. Your ex can cause troubles with some major issues like child support and child visitation after the divorce judgment comes in and treats them as tools to continue conflict even after the marriage has ended. So, here are some of the ways to deal with your unreasonable former spouse.

Do not accept defeat just because you are scared

Your former spouse would have spent quite a few years with you and so they know you in and out. They can, therefore, use your weaknesses as a tool to get the better of you? Your ex can yes your fears and apprehensions to try and accomplish what they want. In other words, your fear is a powerful tool in your ex’s hand that is hostile to you now. So, be wary of their attempts to manipulate and control you through your weaknesses. In a way, it is also a reflection on their fear for you though it may sound contradictory. Do not give your former spouse an opportunity to curb your ability to recreate a new life after your divorce.

Try to be immune to what is being said about you

Often, your ex-spouse who is hostile towards you may use nasty words not only to you but to others who may be around you. In fact, such people can use derogatory words about their former spouses to anyone who is willing to listen to them. It may not be unusual to defend yourself when you hear such tales statements being spread about you and your character. But self-defense may not put an end to such gossips. When you continue to respond, you may also appear to be unreasonable like your ex. Compassion is the best way to respond back to your vicious ex who maligns and ill-treats you.

Try to avoid conflicts

When you engage in a conflict, things may only take a worse turn. When you behave in the same manner as your unreasonable ex-does, tension may further escalate. When you receive nasty threats like they will snatch the kids from you, just refrain from responding.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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