Why Do Some People Remarry Their Ex-Spouse After Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSometimes, spouses cannot save their marriage for different reasons and eventually split up and divorce.  However, sometimes such couples meet each other years later and find that they still have feelings and a spark for each other, and even contemplate remarrying their former spouses.  Why is that?  Here are some of the reasons why some people want to remarry their ex-spouses:

Distance and time make them realize their feelings for another

There are many such occasions and instances when the couples only realize their affection for one another after they get divorced. In fact, in such cases, though they have been separated from one another, these couples may still feel connected to each other.

Anger dissipate as they get time to ponder and reflect

When couples part after their divorce, it becomes simpler to reflect on their relationships and what went wrong. With the passage, if time, their negative feelings for one another may not be as intense as they were earlier. Moreover, the ex-spouses start acknowledging their shortcomings for the failure in their marriage. Realization on how things could have been made better is an initial step to reconcile and work out their relationships

Grass is not always greener on the other side

Some former couples thought that things would be better after parting ways. They felt there were other people who understood them better.  However, after being single for dime time, these couples start feeling that their former spouse was much better than the people they dated subsequently.

Changes in personality and falling in love once again

As people grow older, they change and become more mature. However, that does not mean these couples have grown apart. There could have been the end of the marriage since spouses changed. But there is a possibility that some of them may change once again at a later stage of their lives. They find that they still live their ex-husband or ex-wife.

In case the partners are not able to pardon one another, the negativity may still remain within them. However, when something alters or when they spend time separated from one another and later on see things in a balanced perspective, they may forgive one another and can even reconnect.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

How To Reconcile After Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou have already signed the settlement documents but a part of you all of a sudden feels that you should not have finalized your divorce. Hence, you are anxious to know ways of reconciling your marriage. In case you feel that the issues in the marriage can be reversible and both of you can work towards resolving them, there is a possibility of reconciliation. The most crucial point to note here is that while putting in efforts to reunite with your spouse, you may have to begin all over. Thereafter, you may consider these ways for reconciliation after your divorce.

Talk as much as possible

Remember the time when you met your ex-spouse for the first time?  Both of you spoke and communicated a lot. You need to repeat the same process all over again. Speak to your ex-husband or ex-wife as much as possible. Email, text or call to discuss the issues that is crucial in their day. You should also show your enthusiasm in all those activities your former partner is interested in. Be vocal and compliment him/her. Tell your ex-spouse how much you missed them. Once the initial courting period ends, ask then for the first date. You should regard this date as an occasion as if you are young out with a new person.

Discuss the issues and concerns that haunted your marriage

Once you have established a rapport with your ex-husband or wife, you can start discussing the issues related to your marriage. The most appropriate time for doing this is when you realize that your ex-spouse is ready for commitment once again. After all, you round hardly want history to repeat itself once again. Else your new relationship may have the same conclusion like your previous marriage had. You need to be frank about discussing what went wrong the previous time Keep an open mind when you discuss the causes of the breakup. At times discussing these things can be tough and so counseling could be an excellent mechanism to bring out the concerns in the open so that you can work on them to sort out as effectively as possible.

Proceed gradually and be cautious

While it is easy to hurry up in re-establishing the rapport with your former spouse since it may feel like you are dating him/her for the first time like the old days, you need to apply caution. Do not get carried away by your emotions since things may crash. You should take one step at a time and keep a close tab on how things are progressing between the two of you. Though you should appreciate that it is a fresh beginning, do not forget that there is a past attached to it, which requires resolution and contemplation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

How to Help Your Kid through Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmAs thousands of couples decide to end their marriages every year, their kids are also affected in the process. But their reactions will depend to a large extent on their personality, the circumstances under which the parents decided to separate and their age. Kids often get affected when their parent’s divorce. Often, the first reaction these children go through is that of sorry, anger, frustration, sadness, and shock. However, these children can deal these feelings in a better way as they know how to cope up with stress. As an end result, many of them are more tolerant and flexible when they become young adults. At such trying times, the most crucial things both the parents can do are to help their children steer through it by taking the following steps:

Important steps

  • Try to minimize disruptions in the daily routines of their children.
  • Make sure that legal talks, heated arguments, and visible conflicts happen away from the kids.
  • Do not be negative in front of them. Conversation with close friends and private therapy sessions should not take place inside the house.
  • Both the parents should be involved in the lives of their kids. Indifference will hurt them more.

People going through divorce or separation require lots of emotional support from their families, clergy, professionals and friends. However, these adults should never seek support and help from their children though they may appear ready to do so.

Break the news gently

The moment you are completely sure of your divorce plans, you should speak to your children about the decision to separate. Yes, it will be not an easy task to break this news. In case it is possible, it is better if both the parents are present while the news is shared. Make sure that you adopt a neutral and unbiased tone and do not express your emotions of guilt, anger or disillusionment while telling them about your separation. Of possible rehearse how you are going to break the news from beforehand so that you go not lose your temper or become upset during the discussion.

You should discuss the matter in accordance with the temperament, maturity, and age of your kids. But one statement should be common. Whatever took place between both of you; your kids are not responsible for that. This is because a majority of the children feel that they should be blamed when things did not work out between their parents. So, it is extremely crucial that the parents reassure their kids about this.

Rather tell your children that at times the adults do not agree on things or their love for one another change and so they decide to live separately. But also tell them that children will tie the parents forever no matter what happens.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.

Is Divorce Affecting Your Mental Health?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmThose who have been through a divorce actually realize that it is hardly a picnic. At least, the statement is true for most of the divorced couples. Both the emotional as well as the legal process can take a toll on your physical and mental well being. When you find yourself entangled in a divorce that is full of drama and high conflict, your case may drag on for an indefinite time period. Further, your mental health can suffer due to your emotional turmoil. Research has proved that a divorce can even affect your heartbeat and sleeping habits.

Plus, there is plenty of uncertainty, which comes as an additional baggage with your divorce making you feel insecure today or even in the future. Based on your unique circumstances, it is possible that you need to move all of a sudden, resume work after many years when your sole focus was on your home and kids. You may even have to survive with fewer funds than before. When you are aware of the mental health issues that may pop up during your divorce, you can be in control over your emotional and physical health and are able to take all such steps that can prevent excessive damage.

Divorce and anxiety

There are ample case studies to prove that divorce may expose the involved parties to a higher risk of a mental state such as anxiety. This emotional state may be reflected by chronic worry, increased physical agitation, panic attacks, restlessness or fearfulness, and irritability. It is normal to be busy with the various details and intricacies of your divorce, relationship issues with your former spouse and thinking about those negative issues that you may have to cope up with next. Anxiety can lead to a feeling of obsessiveness while causing havoc to your everyday function, sleep, and concentration. In case you feel that you are suffering from high degrees of anxiety while your divorce proceeding is still going on or after your divorce, you should either get in touch with your physician promptly or try out any or all of the following natural remedies.

Search for support groups or a professional counselor

  • Pursue some new hobbies
  • Exercise regularly
  • Form new friendships
  • Get engaged in meaningful work
  • Volunteer to help others
  • Get in touch with your friends and family for support

Divorce and depression

Depression occurring due to a painful life event such as divorce is not same as clinical depression. The former is referred to as situational depression of adjustment disorder. However, both situational depression and clinical depression may manifest in a similar manner.

Depression after a divorce may also happen due to some other factors. These are as follows:

  • Avoiding one’s friends and family
  • Staying away from responsibility
  • Engaging in conflict or fighting
  • Performance becomes poor at workplace due to inadequate or no focus

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Run A Family Business With Your Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmStatistics claim that the United States alone has about one million businesses jointly run by couples. At the same time, as many as 9,00,000 divorces get filed each year in the country. Now, that also means that several marriages where a husband and wife run a joint business form a component of their marital assets will also end in divorce. But there need not be any dissolution of a business partnership just because the marriage has ended.

If a marriage gets dissolved and there is an involvement of a jointly-run business, then the options available are limited and may be associated with their own set of complications, Firstly, such a business could be sold; secondly, any one of the former spouses, who is a partner too can buy the share of the other partner; thirdly, the divorced couple can also continue running the business jointly.

Check out the following tips if you and your ex-want to run your jointly owned business even after your split.

Mutual recognition is crucial

In order to run such a business in an effective manner, both the parties should respect and realize the contributions made by the other party and acknowledge that each one of them added their valuable skills to their business. They must also recognize that such skills still have high importance and will continue benefiting their business in the future. While it is not necessary to praise your former spouse every now and then, it is also important to recognize your stakeholder’s contribution in the jointly-owned business

Role definition is a must

It is possible that the once married couples cum partners may not be attending similar meetings or continue managing the same affairs. When one is looking after business operations and the other partner is into sales, things are manageable. However, if both the partners manage the daily operations of the business, things may not work out. It is a normal phenomenon to find that divorced couples may not see eye-to-eye on several issues. Hence, it makes sense to minimize situations where direct interactions may take place.

Partners should show maturity

There are some behavioral traits, which can help to make this work. When a marriage gets dissolved it is normal for the exes to be not in the best of terms. Hence, it is important for both of them to exhibit more maturity by keeping their emotions in check so that the business benefits at the end.

To stay as business partners even after the dissolution of a marriage partnership may work reasonably well if both the partners work hard and continue contribution in the same manner as they used to while being married.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Ways of Dealing with Your Unreasonable Ex-Spouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmFinally, your divorce paperwork is done and the divorce judgment has come through. You now feel that it is time to make a fresh beginning in your life. But your former spouse may not have been able to come to terms with being divorced and you may foresee a continuation of the conflict and tension in the coming days even though your divorce is finalized. Such unreasonable behavior from your ex may hamper your children’s peace of mind too. You do not want your or your children’s lives to be miserable. Your ex can cause troubles with some major issues like child support and child visitation after the divorce judgment comes in and treats them as tools to continue conflict even after the marriage has ended. So, here are some of the ways to deal with your unreasonable former spouse.

Do not accept defeat just because you are scared

Your former spouse would have spent quite a few years with you and so they know you in and out. They can, therefore, use your weaknesses as a tool to get the better of you? Your ex can yes your fears and apprehensions to try and accomplish what they want. In other words, your fear is a powerful tool in your ex’s hand that is hostile to you now. So, be wary of their attempts to manipulate and control you through your weaknesses. In a way, it is also a reflection on their fear for you though it may sound contradictory. Do not give your former spouse an opportunity to curb your ability to recreate a new life after your divorce.

Try to be immune to what is being said about you

Often, your ex-spouse who is hostile towards you may use nasty words not only to you but to others who may be around you. In fact, such people can use derogatory words about their former spouses to anyone who is willing to listen to them. It may not be unusual to defend yourself when you hear such tales statements being spread about you and your character. But self-defense may not put an end to such gossips. When you continue to respond, you may also appear to be unreasonable like your ex. Compassion is the best way to respond back to your vicious ex who maligns and ill-treats you.

Try to avoid conflicts

When you engage in a conflict, things may only take a worse turn. When you behave in the same manner as your unreasonable ex-does, tension may further escalate. When you receive nasty threats like they will snatch the kids from you, just refrain from responding.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Handle A Divorce You Don’t Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmEver since many states implemented the no-fault divorce laws, a divorce cannot be stopped legally after the procedure starts. Under such laws, a person enjoys a right to get a divorce without procuring permission from the other spouse or showing grounds for divorce. A no-fault divorce law regards a marriage as a contract. Laws ensure that the party that wants to come out the marriage is adequately protected legally instead of protecting the other spouse that wants to stay in that marriage.

Check out some of the ways to handle a divorce you may not want, in a mature manner.

Be calm and do not show your agitation when you learn about your divorce.

Your hostility and fury should be within check and show your concern that your spouse has reached to that point emotionally where she or he feels that divorce is the only solution for them.  Your broken marriage cannot be fixed by your outburst and your behavior may even make it worse, In case your spouse is no longer drawn to you and is on the verge of filing the divorce. Also, tell them that it is only fair to give some efforts before taking petition, you should control your hurt feelings and pride so that both of you are open and rational with each other and you are aware what your spouse requires from you so that he or she may contemplate restoring the marriage.

Do not shirk from accepting your responsibility in the issues that came up in your marriage

You should give an opportunity to your spouse to share their emotions and feelings with you and learn what they regard as the key issues and then respond by not opposing their feelings. Offer to work together in a collaborative and amicable manner so that it is easier to find solutions for those issues. The process involves looking at this situation from the perspective of your spouse. This way you will get to hear your spouse’s version. Although you may feel that they are being crazy and giving excuses, not are their point of view and opposing the feelings of your spouse will not help you to restore your crumbling marriage.

You can request your spouse to hold the divorce for some time till you both have met and consulted a marital therapist.

You can try to explain your wife or husband that it s your belief that adequate work has not been done to repair the concerns that came up in your marriage before making the final call.

However, whether you succeed in stopping your divorce and marriage work will depend on how complex your marital problems are. It also depends on the extent of emotional detachment your spouse is going through.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Cope With Mistrust After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmCheating is the first thought to haunt the minds of many when they think of the impact of mistrust in any marriage. A big question that also comes into one’s mind is whether a person who cheated on his or her spouse should be trusted again or not. A partner who was betrayed has a tough time in deciding whether the relationship can sustain or not. When a person divorces the spouses who cheated on him or her, it becomes difficult to enter into a new relationship. The reason is simple.

Coping with mistrust can be really difficult, especially after a divorce.  Trust has a wide scope and it is not only about catching a partner lying or speaking the truth. Trust is also all about believing that the other spouse has the best interests in their hearts for their partners. On the other hand, mistrust is all about leaving a lingering doubt in one’s mind that his or her partner does not love them truly and can even leave them. While your spouse may proclaim his or her love send undying devotion for you, do their actions echo what they keep saying?

Mistrust and cheating may not be related always

Once your marriage breaks up; it can lay down a foundation for the birth of mistrust even in your new relationships. Mistrust may pop up even if your partner has not cheated on you. It can happen due to the emotional baggage a person carries after getting divorced for the first time.

You need to understand an important point while exploring this issue. It is highly likely that your partner is not the only person to take the entire responsibility of creating mistrust in you. There are several scenarios where you may also have to own up some kind of a responsibility so that there is an atmosphere of security, safety and loyalty in your relationship.

Some questions to be considered while overcoming mistrust

  • Do you feel uncomfortable while asking for what you require and permit yourself to be vulnerability in the process?
  • Does your apprehension of loss confuse your original perspective and ends up overreacting to your partner’s actions?
  • Do you permit yourself to be respected, loved and pampered?
  • Are you in your best possible self while interacting with your partner? 

You should take lessons from your past mistakes and try acquiring trust

You can learn and nurture trust like any other skill though many people do not regard it as such. While many people discuss about proving their trust, rating trust and restoring trust, very people talk about learning to trust. However, if you develop a viewpoint that you are loved by your partner, trust will automatically come up in your married life.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How to Deal With Not Seeing Your Kids Every Day After The Divorce is Over

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmSpending time away from one’s kids can really be devastating for a parent. It is a natural desire for parents to be in the company of their kids every day. Parents expect to dine with their little ones, to tell bed time stories before putting them into their beds and listen to what they did in the entire day. Parents also love hugging and kissing their kids to show their affection for their offspring. Hence when you spend too much time away from them, there could be co-parenting conflicts with the other parent

Such emotions are not unusual as protecting and caring for one’s kid is in the DNA. Even the thought of staying away from them can be painful and scary. It is not like someone is telling the co-parents that way. Such pain is not simply a feeling, it is real. No parent would voluntarily opt to go through that kind of anguish at any point in their lives.

Check out some of the following strategies that can help a parent to deal with such a pain.

You should remember that no emotional state is permanent

While you must be going through a lot of mental agonies, they will soon pass. When a parent faces such intense emotions, they may feel trapped for always. However, that is not true.

Learn ways of managing emotional stress

These mental states can be really painful. But it is crucial to know ways of one’ tolerating these as well as gliding through them. A parent should develop skills such as mindfulness to cope up with such mental states.

Do not shirk to approach for help.

You can consult a therapist or even approach a good support group. It will help you to remember that there are people around you and spending these difficult moments with others can be a big help.

Leave your home from time to time

The natural ambiance and fresh air can do wonders for your mental state. When you stay in foes for long hours and brood, it will be a big help to come out of your existing emotional state.

Read a lot

Many people who read a lot are known to combat difficult phases in their lives successfully and face the world once again.

Spend more time with families and friends

Make plans to go out with your family or friends. For instance, you can watch a movie together, attend a concert or enjoy a picnic.

Follow your passion

Many times, family responsibilities make your passions and hobbies to take a backseat. It is the perfect time to pursue your interests once again. So get engages in an activity or a hobby that will help you not to think too much.’

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

How To Get Over Loneliness After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmNothing can be more difficult than the transition period in a divorce from being used to a companion to being all alone. Though a divorce may be undesirable and sudden, it can become quite unsettling especially since one may feel extremely lonely after the divorce gets finalized. Conquering such emotions may not be an easy task for someone who is not used to living alone in an empty house ever. While there are several cases where one of the parties might have jumped into another relationship post divorce to overcome their loneliness, such a step has backfired. That is perhaps because such people had carried an emotional baggage into their new relationships even before they could have a check on their emotions and feelings.

Check out a couple of ways to get over loneliness after your divorce.

Spend more time on the Internet to use it more productively and participate in local area events

One of the saddest parts after a divorce can be feeling lonely due to losing of mutual friends or feeling uncertain about how to make new friends. There are many good friendship websites on the net and you can try some of them out when you are looking around for new companionship. Once you have made new friends or re-established a connection with the old ones, you can go out for lunch together, watch movies or chill out. You can even go to a cafeteria or an art exhibition together. It is highly possible to meet likeminded people when you attend the events in your locality frequently. Why not try reaching out to some of those folks who you are already familiar with and go out together for certain informal social events? You should also make it a point to depend on more time with your family members such as nephews as well as nieces. If you ever come across people who are newly single, they will definitely advise you to keep yourself busy to cope up with your loneliness.

Doing simple and mundane house risks like mopping the floors at your home can help you to keep engaged. You can also join organizations that need volunteers for doing social work. You should contemplate about joining volunteering that will help you to get connected with others. When you are isolated, loneliness cannot be avoided. Although meeting new people and creating your new life is a long and time-consuming process, it is not an impossible thing to happen.

You should go out and start socializing while trying to get over your loneliness after the divorce

You could be used to going out for a film with your now divorced spouse when your marriage continued. However, situations are different now and you can go to a coffee house and opt for a community table rather than sitting solo. You can opt for reading a newspaper or can even socialize with others. It is the perfect stage in your life to join other people in certain activities.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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