Dealing With A Divorce You Did Not Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThe repercussions of divorce can be quite severe for many who are affected by it. When a divorce is undesirable or unwanted, it can even drive some affected couple to become insane after all, you have given years of your life to the marriage, brought up your kids with much care and love and given unconditional support to your spouse. So, when the person you loved so much simply walks out from the marriage the agony can be heart-wrenching. Follow the below-mentioned things to avoid when you are at the receiving end of an undesirable divorce.

Stop discussing your ex constantly with your family members and friends

It is better to think less about your former spouse and when you talk less about him/her, you can achieve your purpose easily your emotions and pains will be easier to control when you talk about it but do not do it with everyone around you who shows an interest to know about your personal details. Rather, it is better to consult a reputable therapist or a close and dear friend and stop discussing your ex with all others about your feeling and divorce.

It is better to not call your former spouse

Just because your spouse listens to your voice over the phone does not mean that they are going to return to your life all over again. This is particularly applicable when you are testing or dialing them many times on each day. Since it was your ex who desired to get divorced and you gave them what they had asked for, do not get in touch with them unless it is very important. If your former spouse does not return to you, even you need not look back and try to throw yourself at such a person. Even though your marriage could not be restored, you should try to have your pride and self-respect intact. However, the exception to this rule is when you have minor kids from your marriage and you need to text or call them to discuss child-related matters.

Stop over-analyzing on what was not right in your failed marriage or how you could have behaved or done things in a different manner

You should definitely try to pinpoint as well as learn lessons from your past mistakes that you committed when you were married. Once you have managed to do so, it will not be as difficult to forget your painful past. What is done cannot be undone even you keep analyzing about your past. Over-analyzing will only give your self-pity and low self-esteem that should be avoided at all cost.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Know If You Are Ready For a Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmTo put it simply, a divorce signifies the end of a marriage. When a person files a divorce petition, he or she is done with all the legal responsibilities and duties of the marriage. Once the legal document is signed by the couple, their relationship between the two parents may get severed for their entire life.

Introspect how the situation of divorce has popped up

A divorce is often the last resort when the relationship between you and the other party has gone beyond all the limits. Divorce may be the outcome of various reasons. It could be due to abuse, lack of proper communication or because of the age factor. When such issues come up, the first step for the couples is to try resolving and managing those issues. It is the right thing to do for them before they are prepared to get divorced. However, when they fail to find any kind of resolution and are prepared to separate, they may proceed. In case you are still contemplating if you are prepared to go ahead with a divorce or not, you should consider the following questions.

Have you got feelings for your spouse even now?

In case you feel that you still nurture strong feelings and emotions for your spouse, it is better to try cementing your relationship. When you continue to have feelings for your husband or wife and still decide to go for a divorce, situation can actually aggravate after your divorce. They should be a clear cut boundary between both of you so that you can go ahead with the divorce proceedings.

Did you try your best to save the marriage?

It is better to clear all types of misunderstandings between both of you. However, even then your relationship has not improved; you need to select divorce as the next step.

Do you know the prime reason for your divorce?

It is imperative to know the real reason why both of you are on the verge of a divorce. It is important to leave no stones unturned to find out a solution for the matter. And yet when the desired conclusion is missing, you have no other option rather than going for a divorce.

How easy will it be for you to get adjusted to the changed environment with your kids?

Prior to raking the big leap towards a divorce, it is important for you to visualize its impact on the children. Your kids should never be burdened with all those negative emotions that are usually common in a situation like this.

Are you equipped enough to cope up with all the negative effects of a divorce?

There is no doubt that divorce changes your life to a great extent in terms of your financial status, traditions and lifestyle. Hence you should consider how you will handle all types of negative impacts of the impending divorce.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Reconcile Your Marriage After A Separation

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYou could be separated from your spouse for several months or years. But finally, the time has come to get back together once again. It is likely that you did not even hope that such a day will come in your life. Both of you have learned ways of effective communication, discussed what should be done for your mutual benefit from your relationship going forward and finally, you plan to get back together.

However, does your story end here? In real life, both of you need to take several steps to ensure the success of your marriage reconciliation. The following are some of the important points to keep in your mind to ensure a successful reconciliation after separation.

Do not allow anyone to force you into reconciling

You and your spouse should be the only two people who should be bothered about reconciliation. Your family and friends should be kept out of the entire affair. You need to ensure that it is your decision and not anyone else’s when you desire for a marriage reconciliation. It is time to give some serious thought, grieve your earlier relationship and make sure that no one else is compelling you to reunite.

Do not be in a hurry

Simply because you have taken a call on reconciling does not signify you will get back to your earlier married life. You should consider your decision to reconcile as a fresh relationship.

It also indicates that both of you should follow the same set of steps like a couple who got into a new relationship. So, time for you and your spouse to get familiar with each other at a completely different level. After both of you have dated each other for some time, you may move back together and start living like wife and husband.

Do not break the news to anyone else until it is essential

There will be always many people around you who will love to share their unwanted opinions about your private and personal relationship. In case the same thing is done by your family and friends, it is better to keep the news of your marital reconciliation private till the time you are certain of it. The sudden news of your reconciliation may baffle your kids and other family members, especially when you are not sure of staying together yet. It hardly makes sense to let your family go through another round of separation when you are just toying with the idea of reuniting.

All third parties should be removed from your relationship

If you separated due to an act of betrayal in your marriage, the third person should be removed from your life as soon as possible, particularly when you are reuniting with your spouse. It also means blocking them on social media and removing their names from your mobile phone.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is It Possible To Reconcile With Your Spouse After Separation?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmAre you contemplating to reconcile with your spouse after your legal separation? If that is the case, you can think about the following things.

It is important to concentrate on your communication

In order to have a good marriage, it is crucial for both the spouses to have effective and proper communication. There is a strong likelihood that problems in a couple’s marriage may pop up when there is an absence of a healthy communication between them. So, it makes sense for the couple to have a proper pact for a healthier communication going forward. It is not impossible to pick up the skills of good communication like any other skills. The first step is to understand the importance of listening without being judgmental and think with caution before replying. You should also be honest while discussing your emotions instead of being aggressive with your partner.

Both the parties should demonstrate commitment

Your efforts of marriage reconciliation can be only effective when both you and your spouse show one hundred percent commitment to it. Reuniting after being separated for some time is nothing similar to watching films on the screen and may not be a case of being romantic and living happily ever after. It is possible to enjoy a happy and long-term marriage after your separation only when both you and your spouse demonstrate your commitment towards working on it.

An honest discussion with your spouse is essential to know what you want from the marriage. If both of you want similar things from the marriage and commit to make it work, chances of reconciliation after the marriage has a better chance to work out successfully.

Necessity of teamwork

The separation period between both of you can be a stressful one. However, if you are really serious and focused on reconciliation, it is important to understand that your spouse is not your foe. When both of you are ready to work as a team, difficult conversations and discussions can become simpler. Rather than being at loggerheads, you can become mates of the same team. Looking for solutions become an easy task to accomplish.

Take an honest approach on what went wrong

Honesty in a marriage is about what was not right and ensuring that things are right this time around. So, it is imperative that both of you should sit down together and discuss honestly what was not right the last time. You should also speak about what you should do differently so that your marriage gets a second chance. You need to show kindness towards one another during this process. Indulging in blame game and arguments will not be helpful to resolve the matter or making any progress. Rather, concentrate on agreeing on what should be done differently going ahead.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Top Reasons for Spouses To Go To Couples Therapy

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThere are couples who allow ill will and anxiety to spoil their relationship. There are factors like poor communication, indifference, and pride that affect the relationship of a couple, leading often to a divorce, As time passes, such factors may further aggravate the issues in a partnership and make the conversation gap even wider. If only these couples had taken some time and effort to work on their marriage, things would not have  taken such an unfortunate turn.  The following are a few important reasons for which couples who are going through marital problems should contemplate therapy together. 

Get valuable insight

When a couple enjoys a fair therapeutic relationship, they can get valuable insights into their relationship. If a couple with a strained relationship gets the perspective of a neutral party, they may succeed in resolving some of their contentious issues, which had caused a burden on the marriage. A credentialed counselor is properly trained to abstain from taking sides in a strained relationship. They are also aware of ways of validating different viewpoints so that both the parties feel appreciated and heard. 

Improve effective communication skills

Relationships with proper communication styles are always desirable. A good therapist enables both the parties to develop powerful communication skills so that they communicate effectively with one another and try to minimize their misunderstandings and ill feelings. 

Appreciate the importance of role-playing

Both the partners get a chance to do role plays in the therapeutic settings through some trying conversations and situations that may help in enlightening them. When a couple does role plays with a credentialed therapist, they get equipped with the best practices for visioning and mitigating conflicts. These professionals know what approaches they should take to work with different couples and situations so that the said couples can use healthy practices for improving their relationship. A good therapist can also help both the spouses to replay their recent conflicts and conversations to find out the practices that work and those practices, which were ineffective. 

Couples can vision their future together

An effective therapy can enable a couple to visualize a fresh future for their relationship. Though it is not easy to imagine a positive future, especially when a couple is going through a high conflict marriage, a good therapist will definitely desire that their clients succeed in breaking their impasse and resolve their problems. Hence, an experienced therapist starts helping the couple to take a new look towards future.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Contemplating Divorce: Is Your Marriage Sick or Dead?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThere are some who appear to always be happy in relationships including in a marital relationship. They do not have anything to complain about and they are not known to fight or argue with their spouses ever. These are fortunate people who seek to be perfectly suited for a marriage and can live happily ever after. They lead lives free of any kind of drama while others struggle to live in marital bliss. On the other hand, there are some people who seem to be at loggerheads with their spouses quite frequently and even consider asking for a divorce and going their separate ways.

Couples should try to cure their “sick” relationship prior to filing for a divorce

Are you wondering the implications of a “sick” relationship? Do you have one in your marriage too? Have you thought how to make your sick relationship better?

There are so many ways to treat the tell-tale signs of a bad relationship. You may decide to pamper yourself thoroughly by going on a reckless shopping spree. Alternatively, you may retaliate to your spouse’s taunting comments by being equally aggressive verbally. Some people even go to the extent of being emotionally disconnected from their spouses and avoid sharing intimate moments or direct conversation. While you may feel slightly better, your relationship will continue to be a sick one. Hence, it is a sensible idea to deal with the real cause instead of simply treating the symptoms. Here are some of those suggestions to improve your sick marriage:

Upgrading your attitude

A relationship can be a one-sided or one of the spouses may feel that their partner is not contributing enough to make the relationship better. All these are issues, which can be addressed quite easily and then resolved. Instead of complaining about your spouse to your friends on social media, both of you can consult a good marriage counselor who can help you to fix the contentious issues that are increasing the distance between both of you.

Improved time management

Spend more time with your spouse and engage in meaningful dialogs. The disconnect you both face may be because you are not spending enough time in each other’s company.

Realize that your relationship is dead

Despite putting the best possible efforts to improve the relationship if you and your spouse find there is an impasse, there could be two key reasons for that. Firstly, both of you did not address the core issues to work on. Secondly and sadly, the relationship cannot be salvaged at any cost. While it is sad news, you may have to consider going ahead with a split.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Filing For Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmYour marriage is crumbling and you are in a big dilemma. It could be possible that you are the person to finally decide whether you should split or stay together. Alternatively, it is likely that your spouse told you that he or she wants a divorce from you.

There are many articles or sources that unfortunately make the assumption that when a couple has stated they want to split, both of them are prepared for a divorce, However, many divorce coaches and professional therapists will tell you that it may not be true for many of the cases that they have come across in the course of their careers. Typically, when a couple initiates the divorce process, it is possible that one or both of them may not be completely prepared for their divorce. The decision for procuring a divorce can be one of the most critical decisions for a couple to arrive at since its consequences can continue for their entire lifetime or for several years. The decision is so crucial that needs a higher level of attention than is typically given by the professionals or the concerned couples.  Here are some questions to ask yourself before taking the final plunge:

Are you still attached to your spouse emotionally?

Many couples are found to declare their intention of a divorce though they may still nurture strong feelings for one another. However, they have been going through a power struggle in their relationship leading to a lack of closeness and intimacy. If it is the same case for you, it will be better to work with your spouse on your relationship before calling it quits, or else your feelings of agony and loss may get the better of you and you are likely to be more miserable once your divorce comes through.

Are you simply threatening your spouse or really prepared for divorce?

A spouse may often threaten divorce, particularly when there are heated marital arguments. Check out some of the following reasons:

  • A serious wake-up call hinting that the marriage could be faltering
  • Out of frustration and fury
  • You want that it is time your partner takes you seriously and you are looking for a real change
  • To acquire control and power over your spouse so that you can make them see your perspective

What is your key reasons why you might want a divorce?

If you possess any other agenda apart from splitting, it is a hint that you are yet to be ready to go for a divorce. In case you are nurturing a hope that your partner will change through the divorce and be nicer to you, you should recognize how much hurt you can cause by taking such a drastic step.  Consider marital counseling first.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

What Are The Common Causes of Conflict in a Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmAll marriages go through conflicts and so you will be hardly surprised when you go through the following sources of discord between you and your spouse. After going through them, you need to consider the ones that are applicable for you and your partner.

Children

Check out the following kid-related conflicts that may come up between you and your spouse

  • Ways of discipline them
  • Many parents enter into a competition unknowingly to get the approval of their children
  • Degree or magnitude of disciplining the children

Work

  • When a spouse works for excessively long hours
  • Not earning enough despite working for such long hours
  • When a spouse needs to travel excessively for work

Money

Here is a reason of spousal conflict that reflects plenty of stuff such as trust, power, and control. There are many such cases where one of the spouses misused or misled their money and consequently broke the trust. In fact, the feeling could be as traumatic as a spouse feels when he or she is betrayed by their partner. Money also offers options. These choices become more when plenty of money is involved. When there is less money, options become limited while the stress level can be high due to lack of it. That is precisely the reason why many therapists and marriage counselors advise the couples to be careful about acquiring debts, especially at an early stage. The initial years and months in any marriage can be stressful for doing the normal adjustments, which are required to be made. So, couples should not incur early debt and increase the stress further

In-laws

It is one of the sensitive subjects since it is all about the family. There are several occasions when the in-laws may interfere too much leading to situations of conflict in a marriage.

Time commitments

There are situations when overbooking may occur in a subtle manner, All of a sudden when you look around; you find that you are drowning yourself in commitments. It is better to calendar your time so that the air can be cleared and you can reconnect. You can plan such times while away on an annual retreat. In fact, you may feel out of control and somewhat lost without it. Such events can invariably lead to more conflicts and stress in a marriage.

Former girlfriends or ex-boyfriends

Today, social media offers a chance to get in touch with old and lost friends and in some cases reunite with those special and “dear” friends. You should be very cautious about situations like these. In case you experience tension in the house due to such relationships, you should close such accounts or unfriend them to move on with your life. After all, it is not the right time when you should defend your old but just good friends from yesteryear. It is possible to lead your life without the social media when it strains the trust factor in your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why Do Some People Remarry Their Ex-Spouse After Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSometimes, spouses cannot save their marriage for different reasons and eventually split up and divorce.  However, sometimes such couples meet each other years later and find that they still have feelings and a spark for each other, and even contemplate remarrying their former spouses.  Why is that?  Here are some of the reasons why some people want to remarry their ex-spouses:

Distance and time make them realize their feelings for another

There are many such occasions and instances when the couples only realize their affection for one another after they get divorced. In fact, in such cases, though they have been separated from one another, these couples may still feel connected to each other.

Anger dissipate as they get time to ponder and reflect

When couples part after their divorce, it becomes simpler to reflect on their relationships and what went wrong. With the passage, if time, their negative feelings for one another may not be as intense as they were earlier. Moreover, the ex-spouses start acknowledging their shortcomings for the failure in their marriage. Realization on how things could have been made better is an initial step to reconcile and work out their relationships

Grass is not always greener on the other side

Some former couples thought that things would be better after parting ways. They felt there were other people who understood them better.  However, after being single for dime time, these couples start feeling that their former spouse was much better than the people they dated subsequently.

Changes in personality and falling in love once again

As people grow older, they change and become more mature. However, that does not mean these couples have grown apart. There could have been the end of the marriage since spouses changed. But there is a possibility that some of them may change once again at a later stage of their lives. They find that they still live their ex-husband or ex-wife.

In case the partners are not able to pardon one another, the negativity may still remain within them. However, when something alters or when they spend time separated from one another and later on see things in a balanced perspective, they may forgive one another and can even reconnect.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

Is There A Right Time To Give Up On Your Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhile conflicts are part of every marriage, do you really feel it is time for you to part from your spouse? It is precisely the question that most people struggle with prior to taking the final call before leaving. There are just two choices left before a couple who is going through a bad marriage.

Should a couple try to work their marriage out?

There is hardly any marriage that does not go through a rough patch. Spouses adore their partners on certain occasions and there will be times when they do not like each other at all. Thus what you feel for your spouse may go through ups and downs. However, if you know how to use appropriate relationship skills, you can be sure that things will always not be bad for both of you.

Should you opt for a legal separation?

Opting for a legal separation will seem to be easier for you in case you look at it as an option to rebuild your marriage rather than ending it forever. While the thought of living separately from your partner may not appear productive, but when the process is carried out properly and respectfully, a legal separation can be an excellent means for reuniting a couple.

When a couple opts for a controlled separation that has an intention to strengthen the marriage, there should be effective communication during and prior to the legal separation.

The couple in question should be honest to each other about why they want to separate. In case the purpose of a separation is to come out of the marriage, then you should not try to convince your spouse that you are simply leaving him/her since you require some space.

Is it the time for a divorce?

There are occasions when the issues in a marriage can be extremely deep. You find there are no options rather than taking a divorce from your spouse. There are cases like serial infidelity, emotional abuse or domestic abuse; you may have to take a call on getting a divorce from your spouse. If a situation like this does come up, your marriage should be dismantled in a manner to show your self-respect as well as respect for your kids and spouse.

However, you need to also realize that divorce is never a friendly action to take. There could be conflicts and even more conflicts during your divorce. In a majority of cases, divorces are usually initiated y one party, Ideally, there are very few times when both the spouses come together and make this decision. It is exactly because of this, one of the spouses can be angry and emotionally hurt.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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