What Are The Common Causes of Conflict in a Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmAll marriages go through conflicts and so you will be hardly surprised when you go through the following sources of discord between you and your spouse. After going through them, you need to consider the ones that are applicable for you and your partner.

Children

Check out the following kid-related conflicts that may come up between you and your spouse

  • Ways of discipline them
  • Many parents enter into a competition unknowingly to get the approval of their children
  • Degree or magnitude of disciplining the children

Work

  • When a spouse works for excessively long hours
  • Not earning enough despite working for such long hours
  • When a spouse needs to travel excessively for work

Money

Here is a reason of spousal conflict that reflects plenty of stuff such as trust, power, and control. There are many such cases where one of the spouses misused or misled their money and consequently broke the trust. In fact, the feeling could be as traumatic as a spouse feels when he or she is betrayed by their partner. Money also offers options. These choices become more when plenty of money is involved. When there is less money, options become limited while the stress level can be high due to lack of it. That is precisely the reason why many therapists and marriage counselors advise the couples to be careful about acquiring debts, especially at an early stage. The initial years and months in any marriage can be stressful for doing the normal adjustments, which are required to be made. So, couples should not incur early debt and increase the stress further

In-laws

It is one of the sensitive subjects since it is all about the family. There are several occasions when the in-laws may interfere too much leading to situations of conflict in a marriage.

Time commitments

There are situations when overbooking may occur in a subtle manner, All of a sudden when you look around; you find that you are drowning yourself in commitments. It is better to calendar your time so that the air can be cleared and you can reconnect. You can plan such times while away on an annual retreat. In fact, you may feel out of control and somewhat lost without it. Such events can invariably lead to more conflicts and stress in a marriage.

Former girlfriends or ex-boyfriends

Today, social media offers a chance to get in touch with old and lost friends and in some cases reunite with those special and “dear” friends. You should be very cautious about situations like these. In case you experience tension in the house due to such relationships, you should close such accounts or unfriend them to move on with your life. After all, it is not the right time when you should defend your old but just good friends from yesteryear. It is possible to lead your life without the social media when it strains the trust factor in your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Why Do Some People Remarry Their Ex-Spouse After Divorce?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmSometimes, spouses cannot save their marriage for different reasons and eventually split up and divorce.  However, sometimes such couples meet each other years later and find that they still have feelings and a spark for each other, and even contemplate remarrying their former spouses.  Why is that?  Here are some of the reasons why some people want to remarry their ex-spouses:

Distance and time make them realize their feelings for another

There are many such occasions and instances when the couples only realize their affection for one another after they get divorced. In fact, in such cases, though they have been separated from one another, these couples may still feel connected to each other.

Anger dissipate as they get time to ponder and reflect

When couples part after their divorce, it becomes simpler to reflect on their relationships and what went wrong. With the passage, if time, their negative feelings for one another may not be as intense as they were earlier. Moreover, the ex-spouses start acknowledging their shortcomings for the failure in their marriage. Realization on how things could have been made better is an initial step to reconcile and work out their relationships

Grass is not always greener on the other side

Some former couples thought that things would be better after parting ways. They felt there were other people who understood them better.  However, after being single for dime time, these couples start feeling that their former spouse was much better than the people they dated subsequently.

Changes in personality and falling in love once again

As people grow older, they change and become more mature. However, that does not mean these couples have grown apart. There could have been the end of the marriage since spouses changed. But there is a possibility that some of them may change once again at a later stage of their lives. They find that they still live their ex-husband or ex-wife.

In case the partners are not able to pardon one another, the negativity may still remain within them. However, when something alters or when they spend time separated from one another and later on see things in a balanced perspective, they may forgive one another and can even reconnect.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the Orange County divorce process in California.  

Is There A Right Time To Give Up On Your Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhile conflicts are part of every marriage, do you really feel it is time for you to part from your spouse? It is precisely the question that most people struggle with prior to taking the final call before leaving. There are just two choices left before a couple who is going through a bad marriage.

Should a couple try to work their marriage out?

There is hardly any marriage that does not go through a rough patch. Spouses adore their partners on certain occasions and there will be times when they do not like each other at all. Thus what you feel for your spouse may go through ups and downs. However, if you know how to use appropriate relationship skills, you can be sure that things will always not be bad for both of you.

Should you opt for a legal separation?

Opting for a legal separation will seem to be easier for you in case you look at it as an option to rebuild your marriage rather than ending it forever. While the thought of living separately from your partner may not appear productive, but when the process is carried out properly and respectfully, a legal separation can be an excellent means for reuniting a couple.

When a couple opts for a controlled separation that has an intention to strengthen the marriage, there should be effective communication during and prior to the legal separation.

The couple in question should be honest to each other about why they want to separate. In case the purpose of a separation is to come out of the marriage, then you should not try to convince your spouse that you are simply leaving him/her since you require some space.

Is it the time for a divorce?

There are occasions when the issues in a marriage can be extremely deep. You find there are no options rather than taking a divorce from your spouse. There are cases like serial infidelity, emotional abuse or domestic abuse; you may have to take a call on getting a divorce from your spouse. If a situation like this does come up, your marriage should be dismantled in a manner to show your self-respect as well as respect for your kids and spouse.

However, you need to also realize that divorce is never a friendly action to take. There could be conflicts and even more conflicts during your divorce. In a majority of cases, divorces are usually initiated y one party, Ideally, there are very few times when both the spouses come together and make this decision. It is exactly because of this, one of the spouses can be angry and emotionally hurt.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Top 4 Reasons for Long Term Marriages to End in Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmToday, it is not only the young couples who are going their own ways. Women and men who are over fifty are also found ending their marriages since they desire more out of their lives. Here are some of the top reasons why more long-term marriages are ending in divorce these days.

Betrayal

Betrayal and infidelity are not new where marriages are concerned in fact age to have nothing to do with a person is loyal to the spouse or not. In many cases, it has been observed that when intimacy between a couple is less, one of the spouses may look outside their marriage in search of that spark that is missing in the marriage, being disloyal to a spouse is one of the major reasons why even long term marriages are breaking down these days. In reality, though, infidelity is just a tell tale sign that a marriage has problems. And eventually, this symptom may sever the bond between both the spouses.

Desire to lead an independent life

Often, women who have been dependent on their husbands all through their married lives, develop a strong urge to be independent at a later stage of their lives, This is particularly true when these women resume their work after the kids are grown up and are no longer living in the home. On many occasions, when a woman becomes more financially stable, it can be a cause to destabilize a marriage that is already not going smooth. Moreover, when a woman is more financially independent, chances are that their confidence level will go up to come out of her long-term marriage so that she can find happiness.

When a spouse seeks better things in life

People keep changing with time. When aspires gets married at the age f 26, their wants from life could be quite different from what they are looking to get out of their lives after hitting fifty. Though it could appear cliche and yet couples can grow apart with time. In fact, when these couples have very little things in common, they can start living in the same house as roommates or strangers. They want to have a strong emotional bond with a certain life partner has led to many divorcing their spouses even after a long term marriage. Many people who are going through a midlife crisis decide to end their marriages to look for a fresh identity and to alleviate the pain they were experiencing in their middle age.

Divorce does not have the same level of social stigma attached to it anymore

Today divorces are more common in many parts of the world as compared to three or four decades ago. People who remained married due to fear of being criticized by the society or due to religious beliefs today feel free to end their marriages.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is Legal Separation Good For Your Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several occasions when a legal separation is good for a relationship since it reduces pressure while creating physical space. In fact, it can be quite helpful to support clear decision-making and support personal reflection. It also makes sense scientifically since the IQs of human beings drop when they are highly stressed out. Hence, if either one or both the parties are going through high stress for many years, it can be understood how a separation albeit temporary can increase clarity of mind.

In situations where a spouse has cheated on the other or when either or both the parties suffer from jealousy or a feeling of distrust, separation could aggravate the situation further. However, this situation is unique for every couple as some couples with a background of betrayal have come out stronger after their separation period.

Questions to ask yourself prior to deciding on a separation 

Check out the following questions to ask before making a decision to separate.

  • Why do you want to separate?
  • Do you have reasons to stay in the marriage and give it a try to make it work?
  • Are your reasons to stay in the marriage stems out of anything to do with the other party?
  • Do you want to continue with your marriage for the sake of your kids or you are worried about what people around you will think or due to certain moral obligations? You should take the space for a self-reflection on your wants and desires, which can prove quite beneficial for you.

The society may put immense cultural pressure on the benefits of living together under the same roof for the sake of the reputation, the couple’s kids and so on. So, you should be ready that your spouse could be closed to the idea at the beginning.

Is it good for the marriage to separate? 

Now that will depend on many factors. A big obstacle is when people allow their emotional stress and sense of urgency to have a strong grip on their actions and thoughts until they lose clarity of how to go ahead. You need to remember that all your emotions including the most disturbing ones will pass. There are times when the process of getting more clarity or gaining insight on the actions to be taken in a. marriage may take a longer time than one anticipates and it makes sense to wait and investigate.

Though it is difficult to believe, human beings have the ability to be resilient and that shows up even in tough situations such as divorce and separation. All family members including the kids have thoughts on how to arrive at a practical solution during a difficult time.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

3 Signs That Your Marriage May End In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmIt was been noticed that in many cases that one of the spouses is taken aback when he/she gets the divorce papers. This is precisely the reason why you should not ignore the warning symptoms that your marriage may be surrounded with problems, eventually leading to a divorce court. When one gets too comfortable with a situation and takes things for granted, it could be a big mistake in a marriage. Here are some of the alarming signs that your marriage could be in trouble.

You find that your partner has stopped sharing information

All of a sudden, you start realizing that your spouse is hiding things from you. Often, you are the last person in his/her life to know information related to personal achievements, personal problems, and career. Is your spouse sharing such information with friends or other relatives and you getting to know them? There could be a big communication breakdown if you find that you are the last person to know crucial information of your partner’s life. This could be also an outcome of the collapse of the emotional bond that is a major foundation of any successful marriage.

You are always making mistakes in your partner’s eyes

Has the situation become such that what whatever you do is being criticized and reprimanded by your partner? Do you find that whatever you do is not right according to your partner? Are you nervous or feel intimidated due to the constant criticism of your partner? It has been observed that very frequently, partners resort to negative criticisms in the day-to-day activities of their spouses when something has gone wrong in the marriage. In such scenarios, you should sit with your spouse and try to discuss openly what could be those bigger issues that are leading to such behavior. Fetching and tackling solutions to the bigger concerns in the marriage may be helpful for both of you to be more secure about your roles in the marriage. However, it could be also possible that you got married to a person who loves to play a dominant role in your marriage. A partner who wants to be in control lives to get things done in their way, often causing them to criticize and rebuke.

You find that there is nothing common between both of you anymore 

Are you going through a situation lately when your partner and you are together for ling hours in the same house, conducting routine errands, attend social engagements together but hardly have any meaningful and productive discussion? When you and your spouse love in silence, it could be a major sign that there are big marital issues between the both of you. A bond can build up between the spouses if they share and communicate their feelings, thoughts and day. When you start observing that there is plenty of silent moments between the two of you, start putting efforts to fill that void or gap. Alternatively, you can also get in touch with a therapist and find out the reasons for your willingness to have a communication with your partner.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is Separation Good For Your Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmAre you and your spouse continuously at loggerheads with one another? If that is the case, you might have started wondering whether it will be good to separate from one another or not. However, the solution is not as simple as it first appears. It will depend on various factors in your married life and the present situation both of you is dealing with.

Is it the right time to separate from your spouse?

When both you and your spouse discover that staying in each other’s company continuously is causing friction and heated arguments, separation at least on a temporary basis could be a good idea. In all relationships, many people tend to be extra dependent on one another and marriage is not an exception. Some people who do not have their own identity may start resenting their partners that could create major fractions in their relationships. Spending time apart from one another may help people to build up their individual identities. So, when they do decide to reunite their mind and spirit can renew the relationship.

Another scenario when separation could be good in a marriage is when one of the spouses has committed adultery while being married. Spending some time away from each other can help the spouse who was betrayed to think clearly and decide the future course of action. Moreover, staying close up the unfaithful husband or wife can cause more heartbreaks and agonies to the betrayed partner, which is not good to repair that marriage.

You find couples who are in a long distance relationship claim that such an arrangement has a rekindling effect on their relationship. Moreover, many of these couples say that it adds a new fuel to their otherwise mundane relationships. However, that does not necessarily mean you need to always move away from your spouse to generate the same kind of feelings. But, it is not a bad idea at all to separate at times briefly to bring in some passion.

Sometimes it may not be good to opt for separation in a marriage 

In any relationship, effective communication plays a key role. When you have certain concerns that you have stopped communicating with your spouse, the issues may never get resolved and your relationship can become worse. So, before you make a decision to go for a separation, you need to ensure that both you and your spouse have discussed all your issues and concerns. Take some time and speak freely about the issues that are bothering you and try to find out solutions for them. If both of you show a willingness to work towards resolving these issues, you have actually taken a positive step to save your marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Think Twice Before Ending a Low-Conflict Marriage

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

family law lawyers in orange county; The Maggio Law FirmMany marriage experts would recommend you to continue your low-conflict marriage instead of getting a divorce. There are some for whom divorce is an essential procedure. However, there are many other couples who have low-conflict marriages where divorce may not be a mandatory step. These are the cases where a parent should seriously contemplate whether going for a divorce is really worth it or not for the sake of their children.

Why it is important to protect your kids

As parents, it is a natural tendency to protect your kids from various kinds of adversities and danger so that they can enjoy healthily and long lives. According to statistics, divorce could adversely affect the health and well-being of a child. Most marriage counselors would advise to try and work out things and resolve marital concerns rather than simply going ahead and filing a divorce. Parents really have a moral duty to keep their families intact when the marriages are low-conflict in nature. This is because several research studies have proved time and again that not keeping a family intact could have an adverse impact on the kids.

In fact, divorce is a scenario where both the parents have a tendency to carry forward and download all their tensions and worries to their children.  All the finer things such as security, home, family, and so on can be destroyed when a divorce takes place. When parents walk out of their marriages, the kids may have to clean up all that mess.

Some consequences of divorce on a child

Preschooler kids in the age-group of three to five can demonstrate feelings of regression when they see their parents getting divorced. Moreover, a growing fear of getting separated from their custodial parents and sleep disturbances are common traits found in many of the affected kids. Many preschoolers exhibit a strong yearning for their non-custodial parents.

Meanwhile, children in their adolescence can respond to the divorce of their parents by acting violent, being suicidal in nature, and going through acute depression. Such kids often concentrate on the moral issues related to the divorce and become judgmental about the actions and decisions of their parents.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How Your Spouse Might Be Hiding Assets

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several reported cases of divorce wherein a spouse tried to hide his or her assets from the other partner, with the aim of obtaining a favorable verdict in the court of law, and minimizing the amount of property that will be required to share with the latter. However, if an individual has a sound understanding and knowledge of the tricks and tactics that their spouse might employ in hiding the assets, it will be easier to uncover the undeclared property for the purpose of a fair distribution in the event of a divorce. Let us have a look at the various ways in which a spouse can hide his or her assets from the other party.

Transferring assets

One of the simplest and most hassle free techniques of hiding assets from your spouse is by transferring the funds form a joint account to a separate account owned by himself or a friend. Although, it might not seem to be a unique or foolproof strategy, there are many cases wherein a spouse missed out on or overlooked the chances of it occurring, due to the sheer simplicity of it. It is possible to transfer the assets in a planned way, gradually and systematically over a period of time. 

Purchasing items that can be undervalued or overlooked

No one really has the time to indulge in a comprehensive scrutiny of every item that is purchased by an ex-spouse. Taking advantage of this mindset, many partners try to convert their funds into expensive items such as an exotic carpet or a rare art work for his office and then report a reduced value of his possessions to the court. Since such items do not really attract a lot of attention, they tend to be overlooked most of the time. 

Repaying a debt or a fraudulent loan

If a spouse has an outstanding debt, he or she might go ahead and use the marital assets to pay off the balance due, rather than having to split it with his partner. Furthermore, in many cases, an individual can go to the extent of using up his marital asset in paying off a fake loan taken from a friend or family member, knowing full well that the money will be returned once the litigation process is over.

If you have filed for a divorce and doubt that your spouse is hiding some of the marital assets from you, you must immediately consult an attorney and find out ways of uncovering the concealed property before the judge announces a final verdict.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tell-Tale Signs That Your Marriage May Be Heading Towards Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange county divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmMost of us have a viewpoint that if a married couple is constantly fighting and yelling at each other, they might be on the threshold of parting their ways. On the flipside, many people believe that a lack of conflicts within wedlock signifies a smooth sailing and a ‘happily-ever-after’ marital life. However, both the situations might not lead to their respective fates as per the general conception. If you really wish to find out whether your married life is going for a toss, there are a few signs and nuances that you can watch out for.

Lack of communication

The first and foremost indication that a couple might be drifting apart is the fact that they hardly ever talk to each other. Many people think that discussions with their spouse will lead to further aggravation of a conflict, and tend to avoid communication at all. However, this silent treatment often signifies that you have completely given up on your partner and no longer care to resolve the disputes.

Addiction

In the event, that one of you has developed an addiction to either alcohol, drugs or gambling, it might be high time you start listening to the ringing of the warning bells. Similarly, if you are a workaholic, addicted to your laptop, and are forever working round the clock at the cost of ignoring your spouse, you might be pushing him/her away from you. When a habit or an addiction begins to take precedence over your partner, you should realize that you are probably pushing it too far.

Lack of intimacy

A healthy marital life requires both emotional as well as physical intimacy between the partners. If a couple shares a bedroom but inhabits it like roommates, there is a sure shot reason to worry. If you find your spouse avoiding any physical intimacy with you by giving lame and unreasonable excuses every single day, it might be an indication of his/her declining interest in you, and in some cases, a growing interest elsewhere.

Lack of alone time with your partner

Hanging out with friends and family is a healthy way to catch up with them. However, if you or your spouse has completely given up on spending alone time with each other, this might be, a cause for the problem. If the idea of being alone with your partner does not excite you anymore, and you always want to be surrounded by others, this implies that a lot has changed between the two of you.

If you notice any of these tell-tale signs arising in your relationship, it might be a painful situation for you. However, it is easier to nip the problem in its bud, than ending up getting separated forever.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

 
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