Top 3 Ways To Keep Your Kids Happy Even After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmMost divorced couples, as well as divorce experts, would agree that kids get highly affected by the conflict between their parents after the latter are divorced. It is interesting to note that kids are not harmed by their parents’ divorce, rather the onus lies on those parents who do not give first priority to their kids during the divorce. As parents, it is your responsibility to do the best for your kids after the divorce comes through so that they do not turn into collateral victims. Are you a worried parent who does not want your divorce to cause a negative impact on the kids or minimize them as possible? Here are some of those things to take care of such an issue.

Try to put yourself in your kids’ shoes

Never be under the illusion that your children are related when they get to know that their father or mother are in love again or are dating a new person or love going out with their friends.  Things simply do not function that way. As a loving parent, your happiness should depend on how satisfied your children are. It should never work in a reverse way. After all kids are narcissistic in nature, which means they are more bothered about their own happiness and requirements. It is not your kid’s lookout how happy you are in your personal life.

Both the parents should try to have a healthy relationship after their divorce

Both the parents have a special and individual influence in the lives of their children. Your children gave got a better chance to grow up as healthy adults when they get the company of both their parents. So, it is extremely crucial for the kids of the divorced parents to get equal time to spend with both their parents. It is quite likely that you are not quite fond of your gourmet spouse now but that does not mean your kids will stop loving their other parent. When you love your kids above everyone else, make sure that all their requirements are fulfilled despite your not so cordial relationship with your ex.

Try to let go of the feeling that you are superior to the other parent

It is possible that your former spouse abused you or cheated on you. However, what is more, crucial is whether they treat your kids well or not. When they love the children despite their shortcomings and your children feel secure and respected with their other parents, you should not be judgmental.

Finally, kids can be victims when it is a question of their parents getting divorced. They do not have any voice in the decisions taken by you and your spouse regarding the marriage breakup. It is imperative that they have some sort of control over how they should live. You can be their best parents by fulfilling their emotional needs even after the divorce is finalized.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Make Visitation Easier After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmDivorce can be a chaotic stage in a couple’s life, full of upheaval, changes, and uncertainty. Additionally, when there are children in the marriages, things can be quite tough on them. If you want to make things easier and smoother for them as a parent, both you and your former spouse should collaborate in a manner to ensure that there are no hiccups in the visitation process. Divorce experts will vouch for it that parenting the kids is the most crucial task for you as a parent. So, if you and the other parent can work out things in a harmonious manner, it is possible to avoid negative, lasting and long effects on the kids.

As parents, you should demonstrate a united front so that your children feel relaxed and confident during such a trying time. Check out some of the ideas and thoughts to make sure that your child visits are a positive experience for everybody.

Be quick and punctual

It is important to be there and always be punctual with your kids These gestures will exhibit that these visits to your children are extremely precious for you. After all, kids need an assurance time and again that they are vital for you. Hence concentrate solely on them whenever you are in their company. During these visits, you should also reinforce through your actions or words that your children are your top most priority. How about spending some quality time with them by going for a bike ride with them or playing a game together? Do not focus on your text messages and emails while you are visiting your children.

Always try to be positive

Show enthusiasm whenever you discuss your next visit with them. Your plans should not get spoiled or overshadowed just because you have differences with the other parent. It may also help when you are aware of what activities the kids love doing while being with the other parent.

Stop arguing with your former spouse in front of your kids

Children may get upset when they see their parents arguing and calling names, particularly during pickup or drop off time. After all, visitation is such an occasion where you should solely focus on your little ones. Thus, it is essential for both the parents to ensure that the pickup and drop off times are pleasant and tension-free. You should try discussing your differences at a different time so that the process is a smooth one for all. Fix up meetings for discussing contentious matters with your ex-spouse or you can even hire a mediator to conduct your adult conversations in an amicable manner.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How A Divorced Dad Can Make A “Home” for His Kids

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

fathers rights attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmGoing through a divorce is never easy, and becoming a single dad is even harder.  You should try your best to make sure that your kids feel perfectly at home at your home. Take these steps to ensure that your children feel relaxed and at home while they are staying with you.

Ensure that your children have a separate sleeping space

Very often, older kids yearn for privacy and a separate room in the house. While some children may need to share their rooms, make sure that they are comfortable with their sleeping arrangements. Try your best to provide a separate room for them. Let them hang their favorite posters on the wall and give them space to keep their books and toys. They should also have their own dresser to store their clothes, it does not cost much to do. Welcome their input on how they want the decor of their room to be.

Try to set up fresh family traditions

This is a time to create new family traditions at your place that will thrill them. For instance, you may fix a tradition of eating waffles on Sunday mornings before going to church or it could be ice cream and video games every Wednesday. Think of activities where both your child and you can participate together. Such family activities will create a family bond. This exercise will be also helpful to recreate the bond that existed earlier at the home before the parents got divorced.

Hang family pictures on the wall

Your family is incomplete without your kids. So, take some time as well as give efforts to make sure that your special moments are captured.  Also make sure that these photographs are displayed all through the home. Photos of your relatives, pictures of holidays and school pictures enhance the ambiance of any home and improve stability. These photos are also helpful to create fresh memories of life after their parent’s divorce.

Always extend a warm welcome to the friends of your child

As your kids grow older, they start developing a closer bond with their friends. In fact, there will come a time when they would rather spend more time with friends than with their parents. An easy step that can resolve this mental dilemma is to invite your kids’ friends home while trying to brush off any rejection or hurt you could be feeling. Permit your children to ask their friends to stay over for the night at your place or simply let them hang out. This way, their dad’s home will appear more enjoyable for them when they mature.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Being a Single Mom & Mastering Parenting After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County child custody attorney; The Maggio Law FirmIt is a no-brainer that the divorcing of parents is probably one of the biggest hits a child can encounter in his or her life. That being said, it takes extra effort on the part of the separating parents to ensure that their little ones have to bear the minimum impact of the damage. Being a single mom is never easy. However, you can make sure that your child gets the right upbringing by following a few basic tips that we are sharing below.

Gather your support system

Single and recently divorced mothers can often feel terribly isolated and overwhelmed. Raising a kid is not a cakewalk, and doing it alone without a partner can be a more daunting prospect. The idea is to lean back on your close friends and family for support when you really need it. Don’t be hesitant to ask for help. If they genuinely care for you, they wouldn’t really mind babysitting your munchkin or picking them up from daycare when you have an urgent meeting.

Readjust your priorities

While you might be tempted to transform yourself into a superwoman overnight, you need to get your priorities straight. Be realistic about what you really need to do, and what you can give a miss. You need to lower your expectation from yourself and take a break. You don’t have to slave away at work all day, and also expect to keep you home tidy, serve only home cooked meals, and take care of your baby at the same time.

Get rid of the guilt

While it is understandable to feel partially responsible for your kid being brought up in a broken marriage, you need to stop bashing yourself for things that can no longer be fixed. You cannot keep battling with your thoughts of not being able to spend enough time with your little one or working too much or not being able to provide your baby the family love that he/she craves. Instead, focus on the brighter aspect of everything and live in the moment. Be happy that you have your kid with you and concentrate your energies in raising him/her the best way you can.

Pick up a hobby

While it might sound corny, finding time for pursuing a hobby will help you evolve into a better person. You don’t have to spend alot of money on doing things that you genuinely enjoy. Take up a painting class or join a book club. Focusing on what you like will not only help you let go of the bitter past but also provide you the hope for a better tomorrow!

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Are The Kids Suffering In A Failed Marriage?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County child custody; The Maggio Law FirmThere are several divorcees who refer to themselves as “victims” while they were married, particularly if abuse was a reason for getting divorced from their spouses. Abuse does not only include domestic violence but it also includes a horrifying phase of dictatorship and dominance while being married. Only when there was an end to the marriage that these spouses regard themselves to be free. However, what happens when the abused now realizes that their kids are also being subject to the same sort of behavior?

Time and again, it has been seen that the courts would like to ensure that the children should be in touch with both their parents, of course for the best interests of the latter. However, there are some cases the result may be not so good since there are tales of abuse or neglect. The question is what should a suspecting parent then do?

Do not be quick to draw conclusions

If your kid shows symptoms of being neglected or being abused, it is crucial to be composed. Though, this is easier said than done since false assumptions can just aggravate the situation. Only because a spouse was abused by his or her ex-partner does not necessarily mean that the kids are being targeted now.

There are cases where a child may express unhappiness in seeking attention or to manipulate the existing situation.

Trust their gut feelings

A parent should contemplate the subtle signs that hint towards child abuse. A divorced parent should never ignore their instincts. Abused and divorced parents have already gone through abuses in the hands of their former spouses and so they have a fair idea of those symptoms. When parents separate, kids may respond differentk0ly. A divorce may not know about the kid getting nightmares all of a sudden, wetting bed or performing badly in academics may be the outcomes of being abused or separation.

Get in touch with an expert

If the child is really being abused, it may not be a wise idea to handle the situation all alone. Rather consult those people whose expertise will be helpful. There are several divorce lawyers who also specialize in matters related to child custody. So, since the safety of the child is at stake, such parents should approach those attorneys who deal with cases related to child protection services. However, there is no such assurance that such cases will come out with proofs of abused. An experienced lawyer has the necessary expertise to channelize a case towards instant action.

However, all child-related issues may not necessarily mean abuse or neglect. Both the parents are equally responsible for upholding and working in their children’s best interests. In the case of child abuse, what matters most is to trust the gut feelings and get help before things get worse.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Be A Good Single Father

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

fathers rights attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmIf being a single mother is tough, being a single father is never an easy thing either. Many people think that fathers who get divorced can easily go back to their routine before they were married. But it’s not true. After becoming a father, the lifestyle and mentality of a man changes. Especially, if he’s handling kids. Most fathers who have kids need to balance time between his job and family. It becomes tough and so, here are few tips that will help fathers become better parents in the long run.

  1. Create a good schedule

For working fathers, scheduling is the most important thing. They should discuss the issue with their boss and work out a routine which includes sufficient time for both the job and kids. They can work during the time when the kids are with their mother. It should be mentioned in the parental plan and the mother must agree to the arrangement. It will help fathers create a good work-life balance.

  1. Get help

Some men like doing everything on their own but they should keep in mind that becoming an efficient father is the goal, not becoming an efficient worker. It’s alright to seek the help of near and dear ones when needed. They need someone to take care of the kids when he or his ex. is not around to help.

  1. Get organized

For fathers who are not taking care of their kids, things might look easy but be assured that it’s not. More than often, such fathers will be tempted to go back to their old ways but they should refrain from doing so. Moreover, they should keep their life organized so that they don’t suffer from emotional problems. There must be specific timings and specific order for doing everything.

  1. Teach kids

A child’s development depends on what he/she learns from the parents. Single fathers should utilize the time they spend with their kids to teach them about different things. It is one of the best ways in which a single father can make use of the time he has.

Conclusion

It’s not easy being a single father especially when someone is juggling between work and family. However, there are ways in which an individual can become an efficient father. Creating a good parental plan and spending quality time with the kids works best and helps fathers make the best of it.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How To Protect Kids From The Negative Effects Of Custody Battles

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County child custody; The Maggio Law FirmOne of the toughest things to deal with in a divorce is a custody battle. It is hard for the non-custodial parents to stay separated from their children. But more than the parents, the main focus should be on the children. In a state that keeps a child’s preference first before anything else during a custody battle, it is nothing less than a crime to ignore the negative effects that can harm a child’s psychology. Children are sensitive and it is very important to understand how they feel and how they will react to a divorce between their parents.

Keep them away from arguments

As a parent, it is advised that you keep your arguments to yourself. Don’t go into an argument with your ex. spouse if your children are nearby. Your children are smarter than you think them to be and they pay a lot of attention to their surroundings. When they see you constantly arguing and bickering it burdens them with feelings of anxiety and fear. After a certain period of time, the fear converts into anger and they can become a threat to the society. The safety and comfort of your children should be the first thing on your parenting list and protecting them should be your first priority.

Don’t react emotionally all the time

When you react emotionally towards your ex. spouse, you are not only causing him/her harm but you’re also causing harm to your children. Your children grow up thinking you are a “bad” person and sharing the same roof will cause them trouble. Acting unreasonably emotional for no particular reason jeopardizes your position as the primary caretaker of your children. You must keep yourself safe before you can keep your children safe.

Interact with them

Act as if everything is normal and allow your children to adapt to the change. Interact with them as much as you can. Interaction plays an important role in parenting and positive interaction will definitely protect them from the negative effects of custody battle.

Conclusion

Protecting children from the negative effects of divorce is the most important factor during custody battles. Your behavior towards your ex-spouse is very important because your children are watching you and since they are very sensitive, it is crucial to maintain a positive behavior in their presence. Interact with your children and keep them engaged in different activities.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Top Parenting Tips Regarding Teens After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce attorneys in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmParenting can be tough especially after divorce. And if teenagers are involved, the task can become much worse. The problem with handling teenagers is that you don’t know how they will react. Since they are leaving their childhood behind and heading towards adulthood, it becomes difficult to understand their behavior. Teenagers who witness their parent’s divorce show a variety of different emotions and it is tough to identify a particular pattern with everyone.

Parenting plans are very important and every experienced divorce lawyer will suggest you to take your time while drawing the best plan for your child. Keeping the following factors in mind while creating the parenting plan will make your teenage children transition from the effects of divorce.

Treat teens as adults

First of all, never treat your teenage children like kids. They hate that! They want to become adults and more than often they’ll show signs of being one. Talk to them directly and give an explanation why you and your spouse are getting a divorce. They may not show an interest but deep inside, they really want to know what’s going on.

Give them space

It is true for both divorcees and their children. Each need their own space and time to cope with the situation. While making plans, make sure you’re not spending too much time with your teenage children. Showing excess interest can often have negative results.

Make room for activities

One of the most important things that should be included in child plans is activities and if you can, try getting involved in them as a family. Take a keen interest in your child’s sports activities, academics and any other thing that your child might be actively involved in.

Don’t discuss issues related to divorce in their presence

Avoiding fighting over issues related to your divorce in front of your kids. Teenagers are prone to psychological stress and trauma if they see their parents fighting. Make it a point to discuss with your ex. things that you want to avoid talking about in front of your children.

Conclusion

Making plans for children is an important aspect of every divorce. In situations where the children are teenagers, more time and care should be taken to make the plan. Parenting plans for teenagers should include a balance of activities that will keep everyone engaged as a family. Also, avoid talking about things that might indirectly hurt them or negatively affect their psyche.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Tips for Fathers Looking for Custody of their Child

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

family law lawyers in orange county; The Maggio Law FirmThe fact that there are more working mothers now than ever, has promoted a significant increase in the child custody battles in most divorce cases. While most fathers might believe that a court of law usually favors the mother in deciding the final settlement of custody, the fact is that the primary concern of judge is to announce a verdict that ensures the ‘best interests of a child’.  Fathers who actively devote time for a meaningful and healthy upbringing of their child should seek to enforce their parental rights.  Read on for a few tips that might come in handy if you are a dedicated father battling for the custody of your child.

Parenting time 

The first major consideration that you need to make is how much time you will be able to devote to your kids. Now whether you wish to obtain the full custody of your child, or an aggressive visitation, it is very important to outline your goals and determine how you aim to achieve them. You need to able to balance out your professional life with the time you wish to spend with your child. Much of this would depend upon the age and maturity of your kids. For example, a five year old will require you to be available for him for a major part of his waking hours. However, if you have teenage kids, you can go for joint custody that allows you spend the evenings and weekends with them. 

Parental decisions 

A joint custody implies that both the parents are required to be actively responsible for making vital life decisions such as education, safety, health and welfare for their children. Unless your case involves a grave parental conflict such as domestic violence, addiction of some nature, child abuse or the like, it is always advisable to go for joint custody with the other partner. The state laws of California do not assign any special privileges to the mother if she has been proved to be incapable of co parenting the kid, since it apparently goes against the concept of ‘best interests of the child’.

If you as a father are determined to fight for your rights to custody, you must hire an attorney who has experience in child custody cases and is well versed in the legal strategies required for you to effectively put your point across in the court of law.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Is Your Ex-Spouse Curbing Your Child’s Technology Addiction?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

orange county divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhen your ex-spouse and you share the physical and legal custody of your child, it is better to agree on a schedule for your child’s activities. For instance, you both can decide at what time your child should go to bed, how much playtime your child should have, how much time your child may watch TV, and so on. This will make it easier for your child to move between his/her two homes. This consistency will also help to promote family unity. However, while most of the time your ex-spouse and you may agree on the rules for your child, sometimes you both may disagree on something. For instance, your ex-spouse may think that providing unlimited screen time to the child may help him/her in the future in terms of getting a job, and you may think that excessive screen time would cause the child to develop digital dementia. Trying to resolve this by putting your foot down may not be the best approach. For one, your ex-spouse may not be willing to listen to you and there is nothing you can do about that. Second, you may just alienate your child by trying to curb his/her screen time.

The calm approach

The best approach to tackle this situation is the calm approach. Just sit with your ex-spouse and discuss the issue. Make him/her understand that the child is getting addicted to the technologies, he/she is spending way too much time on their iPad, smartphone, laptop, and so on. The child may be getting addicted to the Pokemon Go game, and it is putting his/her safety on the line. The video games he/she is playing may be too violent. The child may be much too involved in social media. By having a practical discussion, you both may decide on the best course for your child.

Seek court intervention

If your ex-spouse is not willing to discuss the issue of technology addiction with you, you may seek the intervention of the family court. However, before you take this approach, you have to be absolutely sure that your child is addicted to technology, and it is affecting his/her overall well-being. You may have to prove in the court that your child’s technology addiction is causing him/her to perform poorly in the school or the violent video games are affecting the child’s mental well-being or the Pokemon Go game is putting your child’s safety at risk. Your ex-spouse, of course, would counter all this, he/she would argue that the technology is actually making the child smarter, the video games are helping him/her to bond with the child, and so on. So, unless you have solid proof, do not seek court intervention.

At the end of the day, all you can do is encourage healthy behaviors in your child. Be innovative. Instead of just taking away his/her iPad, let him/her bring it along while going fishing. Slowly, your child may see things your way, and make the best decision for himself/herself.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
No Legal Advice Intended: This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems. Full disclaimer.