Advice On How To Tell Your Kids You Are Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmIt is not an easy task to tell your kids that your spouse and you are getting divorced. However, you can still make things manageable to a certain extent when you abide by a simple plan formed on the basis of emotional comfort and truth. Check out some of the tips mentioned below to tell your children that you are divorcing their other parent.

Your children are not responsible for this situation and they should know this

The best way you can alleviate the pain of your kids dealing with your divorce is by telling them the reason why you are separating but in a manner that is easy for them to digest. Whatever is the truth and what you disclose to the children need not necessarily match. After all, it is not your kids’ fault and they need to be told this fact so that they do not feel guilty or unsure.

Maintain civility with your estranged or ex-spouse in front of the children

When you establish mutually agreed upon and clear expectations as well as boundaries about your divorce, your children will be less apprehensive and anxious. There should be proper clarity in the messages that are sent about your separation or divorce and the possible transitions thereafter. Your child may get baffled when he or she hears conflicting words from the people they trust the most in their lives. You may not have similar kind of parenting styles or not agree upon on day-to-day operations, when there is a unified front; your children are going to benefit from it.

Do not share information that is not apt for your kids

Avoid discussing adult details with them. There is a possibility that they will not even understand what you are trying to tell them and may even start resenting you for various reasons. It could be because you are using nasty words against the other parents offering them a concealed request for judging the prevailing situation and maybe even try to overburden them with your grief and predicament. Simply share with them what they must know and the communication should take place in a sincere and honest manner. After all, your focus should be on the children instead of on the grown-ups.

Stop playing the blame game

It is definite that you are aware of the cause of your separation. But your children need not know the actual reason. When you blame your soon-to-be former spouse for the impending divorce, there is a possibility that you are trying to force our child to take sides. You need to remember that it is unhealthy for your kid to feel that that the other parent should be blamed for the divorce or the separation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

The Circumstances Under Which Grandparents Can Win Custody Battles

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Grandparent rights in California; The Maggio Law FirmCustody battles are complicated issues and some are so convoluted that it becomes difficult to award custody to either of the parents. The other best alternative – grandparents. Every child finds comfort at their grandparents home so, it should not be surprising that they are next best custody seekers after parents. The best part about grandparents is that they can give the same about of love and care to the child and yet they are so different from the parents. However, grandparents should understand the situations in which they can win custody battles before applying for one.

If the parents are abusive

If one parent is abusive, the court usually awards custody to the other parent. But if both parents are abusive towards the child and if the court finds substantial evidence to support the claim, the custody can be awarded to grandparents.

If the parents choose grandparents as the primary caretakers

Parents have the power to choose who they want their kids to live with. However, grandparents must also show that they have lived and taken care of the child for a period of time. The best way for them to do this is by maintaining a calendar where the dates are marked.

If one of the parent dies

It is quite possible for one of the parents to pass away while the divorce proceeding is taking place. In such cases, it becomes difficult for the other parent to take care of his/her kids during a state of mourning. One option for them is sending their kids to live with their grandparents temporarily.

If the court decides

During custody battles, it is ultimately the court that will decide who the custody goes to. If the court rules both parents to be unfit for taking care of the children, it may award custody to the grandparents. The court’s judgment weighs majorly on what’s best for the child and therefore grandparents have a good chance of winning custody battles.

Conclusion

Custody battles can be complicated issues and sometime both parents end up losing custody of their children. The court considers the role of the grandparents in a child’s life and the grandparents prove to be fit for the role, the custody is awarded to them. However, grandparents should know and understand the various situations in which a custody can be granted to them.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

5 Things That Should Be Included In A Parenting Plan

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmGoing through a divorce is difficult for some and many undergo psychological pressure and stress. One of the main reason for that is the custody battle. As the divorce proceeding takes place, the threat of losing your children’s custody looms large. Every parent wants to spend time with his/her child and wants full custody after divorce. However, California courts will look into what’s best for the child and other factors before making a decision. That is why parents should come up with a great parenting plan so that both of them are satisfied and get substantial opportunity to spend time with their child. Here are five things that is absolutely necessary for a parenting plan.

  1. Fair parenting time

Kids are highly prone to psychological stress and to avoid that, make sure that both of you spend equal amount of time with your kid. You can also do it together if you want.

  1. Give importance to visitation hours

Visitation hours is the time when you will be quality time with your child. So, make the best of it. Have fun with your child and make them feel that they’re not being ignored.

  1. Power to change the plan

Situations change and sometimes it’s not in your hands to control the situation. A great parenting plan is flexible and should be changed if the situation demands so. Remember that the change should happen for the good of the child and not because you or your partner want it changed for your benefit.

  1. Dispute resolutions

Try settling disputes on your own instead of going to the court. A good parenting plan should be made in a way that helps settle disputes that arise due to custody and child care.

  1. The child should be the main focus

The reason why the parenting plan exists is because of the child and if the child is ignored then there’s no point of having a plan at all. Instead of building a parenting plan according to your convenience, make it around your child’s comfort.

Conclusion

Divorce becomes a tough issue when children get involved. Custody battles can be difficult for some and to avoid psychological stress and other problems, they must create a parenting plan that works best for everyone. The plan should especially cater to the needs of the child and both parents should devote the time and energy to look after their child.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorce Challenges When Your Spouse Has Mental Health Problems

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmIt can be a difficult and complex decision to divorce your spouse, who is ailing from a mental illness. The decision frequently involves ensuring that proper diagnosis and treatment are carried out for the affected spouse first. The healthy spouse also has to think about the logistics issues while separating and have a check on the emotions that they have for splitting from somebody who is not well. Plus, there could be strong guilt and social pressure that may act as an obstacle to take the final call on divorce. Perhaps, it is the outcome of exchanging wedding vows in a traditional ceremony.
While breakups are not easy, ending a relationship with a spouse suffering from a mental health issues illness or a personality disorder can delay the decision of opting for a divorce. Now, that can be quite crazy.

Indecisiveness about taking the final call

There are several in incidents when guilty wives or empathetic husbands are in a strong dilemma to come out of an abusive relationship or an impaired spouse. There can be various causes such as mental illness, addiction to sex, alcohol or drugs. The struggle is a tough one since they may still have tender feelings for their spouses and also value their marriage vows. However, often such feelings are one-sided.

Such women and men keep searching for answers painstakingly on how to cope up with a spouse who is a bipolar personality a passively aggressive partner or a narcissist. These people seek out reasonable techniques to handle unpleasant situations. In a majority of cases, the area of concern remains the same although the actual diagnosis may vary. After all, they have to handle a partner who is in a position to appreciate reality and hence fairness, honesty or compromise may seem to be a far-fetched dream.

Challenges faced by spouses of mentally ill partners

Aggressive litigation and stonewalling are a couple of big challenges that are frequently faced by the spouses. It is often believed that people try to hire an attorney who is like them. So, it is likely that a vengeful partner may end up hiring a divorce attorney who is hostile and aggressive. Such attorneys can aggravate the illness of their clients. Additionally. when these clients have more wealth, they can get nastier and eventually end up destroying their families.

Although courts may not be of much help even now to protect such families, professionals like Orange County divorce mediators, coaches and therapists can create tools for helping people cope up with their high-conflict divorces.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Creating Successful Parenting Plans After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmLife after divorce can be tough for those who have trouble coping up with their new lifestyle. They often have a hard time managing finances and time. Another important thing that they have trouble dealing with is children. A divorce may affect children in a negative way or it might not affect them at all. Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand the situation. Making good and smart parenting plans is one way of handling it. A parenting plan is equivalent to a guidebook for handling children after divorce. You must make changes but how and what changes should you make?

Creating effective plans

The first thing that you must keep in mind when making parenting plans is that the same plan won’t work for everyone. The ideal plan should contain all your children’s needs without compromising too much on your own comfort. Here are some additional steps you can follow to make the plan even better.

  1. Separate feelings from behavior

Feeling hurt, angry and depressed are common emotions after a divorce. However, none of them should be directed towards your children. If you want, take some time out for yourself until you’re mentally prepared to take care of your kids. But that does not mean you should ignore them. In fact, include them in your plan and go for a vacation or do some fun stuff together until your mind clears off.

Research has shown that children of divorced couples have a tendency to act violently due to adverse psychological effects. Never show your negative feelings to your children. Always remember that they are watching you.

  1. Protect your children

The very reason you are creating a parental plan is because you care about your children and don’t want anything bad to happen to them. Both you and your ex. should include plenty of time where your children spends time with both of you. Whatever problems you might have, keep them to yourself and don’t let them tarnish your relationship with your children.

  1. Make plans as a team

Before your divorce, your children were used to both of you doing things as a family. After a divorce, you should try letting your children have the same feeling. It is tough but at least you can make parental plans that includes doing activities as a family.

Conclusion

Parental plans play an important role in divorce because they protect a child from falling into negative environments. Creating successful parental plans involves the participation of both parent as a team.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Does your marriage qualify for an annulment in California?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Best Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmWhat is an annulment, and would it be better than getting a divorce? These are questions you should ask and know if you are considering divorce. Here are a few fundamental facts and essentials about getting your marriage annulled in California.

You can either have grounds to attain a civil or a religious annulment. Religious annulments can only be administered by a religious body like a church or an associated clergy member.

In a civil annulment, a family court declares null the validity of the marriage, which simply means that the marriage really wasn’t reasonably genuine or grounded.

Acknowledged grounds for an annulment in California

California Family Court supports the following legitimate grounds to request annulment:

  • Incest or blood relatives – Cases where the couple married are related by blood, the marriage isn’t ever considered legal or legitimate, and a family law court in California would grant an annulment without contest.
  • Bigamy – When a spouse is married to another individual before officiating vows on the second marriage, an annulment will be granted. Such cases are classified under bigamy or bigamous relationships which are unlawful.
  • Below the age of consent – In case the age of the partner requesting an annulment was under 18 when entering the marriage, an annulment would be granted by the courts.
  • Coercion – If either party was under duress when agreeing to marry the other, either physically or emotionally, the marriage can be annulled.
  • Mental illness or unsound mind – If either spouse is mentally challenged and is thus unable to understand and uphold the responsibilities and nature of a marriage, an annulment could be agreed on by the court. At times, severe intoxication could also be considered within an unsound mind argument.
  • Fraud – When either party has deceived the other in regard to the intention behind the marriage, being based on anything other than love, it can be annulled. A common instance of a fraudulent marriage would be one entered to gain citizenship.
  • Physical inabilities – An annulment could be granted if either party suffers from a physical condition that prevented the marriage to be consummated or if in case the partner suffers from an incurable condition that inhibits sexual intercourse between the couple.

The party requesting an annulment must provide sufficient proof and evidence to support claims that any one of the above listed reasons to be true at, and or, during the time of marriage.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Top Pitfalls To Avoid During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmWhile it can be undeniably a painful process, divorce is nonetheless a major decision in any individual’s life and should be understood in depth before starting a divorce proceeding. Since things like properties, assets and children are involved, a divorce can become a complex process and should be handled carefully. Psychological problems like stress, tension and depression are common among new divorcees and measures should be taken to prevent such problems.

There are other problems which can and should be avoided during divorces. Below is a list of some of them and how they can be avoided.

Don’t underestimate expenses

Asset and property is a common procedure during California divorces. Usually, courts will divide assets equally between the couples and more than often some individuals end up having much less than they had earned. It is therefore important that you make a list of your earning and the amount you spend on expenses as a couple. Making a monthly budget is key towards financial protection during divorce.

Do settle joint debts as soon as possible

The sooner you clear joint debts during your marriage, the better will be your financial status after divorce. After a divorce, your finances and investments can become a huge debt if you don’t keep a track of how much each earnings of you own in the family.

Don’t allow friends and family to have maximum control

Often, individuals who go through divorce rely too much on friends and families for advice. It is always a good thing to have friends and families during troubled times but too much dependency is not good. It is possible for emotions to cloud sensible judgement and you might end up making bad decisions.

Do try saving your marriage before you file for divorce

Why head for a divorce at all if you can save your marriage? Well, because it’s easier said than done. And that is why mediation lawyers and firms exist. Mediation can help identify key areas of discord and provide the best possible solution for them. You and your spouse should take out some time to see a mediation lawyer and try sorting out things if possible.

Don’t ignore the children’s needs

If you have children, then you already know how important they are in a family. Children are the first ones to get affected by divorces because it’s not every day that they see their parents staying apart. Research has shown that children of divorces undergo psychological problems and perform poorly in games and academics. Children should be your first and most important consideration if you plan to get a divorce.

Conclusion

Divorces can become ugly if individuals are unprepared for what’s in store for them. Hire a good lawyer and understand in detail what you need to consider before getting divorced.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated! Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

What Issues To Include In Determining Child Support Orders

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce attorneys in Orange County; The Maggio Law Firm, Inc.It can be quite complex to cope up with the various major decisions to be made in consultation with your former spouse after your divorce. Some of these could be how to divide the expenses of your children, getting adjusted to a new living condition and visitation arrangements. Things could get messy sometimes. The calculation for the base child support is usually done according to the guidelines laid down by the state where you are residing. It is on the basis of these guidelines that parents need to come to an arrangement on how the child related expenses should be split between both of them. Though it may appear that the allocation of payment responsibilities are simple and fast as far as child related expenses are concerned, certain topics may get overlooked during the planning phase. It makes sense to plan for the future of your child as many expenses come later in their lives.

Costs related to child care and summer activities

The child support payments that you are likely to receive from your ex may not cover expenses related to childcare. So, both the parents should address and manage these costs all through the year. There are several after school childcare or daycare facilities that bill only to one parent. So, both the parents need to share such expenses. You need to keep track of these monthly fees by maintaining proper records so that the shared costs can be managed in a better manner.

Equal division of medical expenses

Many people do not realize that medical expenses can come up from unexpected quarters and so it is imperative that you have a comprehensive payment plan so that conflict with your former spouse can be avoided as much as possible. This plan should include the ways in which your ex and you will handle insurance. It should also outline who will be responsible for paying the premiums. While these minor expenses may seem insignificant initially, when one of the parents has to pay most of them, conflicts and arguments are unavoidable. Medical payments and records are. Racial for the parents so that they can track the payments made. Additionally, there could be certain unexpected incidents that are not planned by the divorced parents. These events may include a fresh prescription, sick days, which could be accompanied by extra costs or emergency situations.

Costs for the present and future education of your children

Both the current as well as future plans for your children’s education should be included in the financial discussion that you have with the other parent.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorcing And Dating At Age 50 And Older

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmIf you’re getting divorced at 50, dating often comes across as a ludicrous thought. The good news is that more than 60% of divorced people over the age of 50 in California are found to be dating or in a committed relationship.

There are a million factors to keep in mind while dating after you’re 50. And let’s be honest, nobody is getting any younger, so going slow is not really an option. It’s a common notion that men find love with younger women, but, in reality, senior dating is quite healthy and common.

There are a few factors to keep in mind while dating at 50:

Give yourself time to heal

A divorce can most often be very painful and deeply scarring with painful memories to deal with. It’s important to let yourself heal and get a closure with issues you have regarding your divorce. If necessary, consult a therapist to heal those painful memories and give yourself the closure you need to begin your second life.

Check-in your baggage and start afresh

Let’s face it, at 50 you’re bound to have some baggage. You’ve lived an adventurous life so far and it’s a matter of pride to show off your war scars. So, don’t cling onto your regrets as a burden, just write it out as experience. After all, your date out there has a lot to discuss about his too!

So put away that baggage and start afresh. You could just be a 16-year-old going on your first date, except this time, you have a lot more stories to tell.

Make your ex a part of your past

Whether you are still close to your ex or you prefer keeping no contact at all, when you’re dating, keep him/her off the table. You may have repressed a lot of anger and frustration by things associated with your ex, which may give way to reacting poorly over a pet peeve you have with your date.

Focus on having fun

You are dating again for a reason. It’s time to focus on what you want from your relationship. Let your hair down and be honest. Work towards getting a date who is looking for the same from a relationship. And while you’re at it, make sure you have a whole lot of fun!

Go ahead and enter phase 2 of your life!

Dating after a divorce is definitely daunting. Take baby steps and seek the relationship you deserve. Step into the new chapter of life. There’s very little to fear given the immense experience you have with making relationships work. You are entering a new exciting stage of your life. Have some fun and find your soul mate.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Ways to Help Your Kids Cope After Your Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmWhen you are going through and also after divorce, here are some ways to be a good parent and limit the adverse impact on your kids due to your divorce:

Should engage in a harmonious co-parenting, which benefits your kids

There are parents who are known to co-parent effectively until the time their kids become 18 years old.  However, there are a lot of events in your children’s lives even after they turn 18 where both you and your ex-spouse need to be involved as parents. Your little ones will be graduating from their colleges one day, get married and become parents themselves. Thus, there will be several such occasions where divorced parents are still expected to continue co-parenting even after their kids become adults. You can get in touch with a reputable parenting coordinator so that an effective parenting plan can be devised to serve the requirements of your children and then, co-parent.

You should not complain about how things are at the home of the other parent. Moreover, do not intervene even if your kids remain awake till late hours at the home of their other parent. Effective co-parenting means to be cool with how your kids are taken care of in their other home and trust that your children are happy and safe while they are at your ex-spouse’s home.

Try to build up a civil relationship with your former spouse

Your kids should not be used as pawns by you to get even with your ex. Moreover, they should be kept out of any type of hurt feelings or problems due to your divorce or marital problems. Every mother and father has a deep influence in the lives of their kids. Children can only become healthy and good human beings when they are positively influenced by both their parents. Moreover, your children should have an equal contract with both you and their other parent even after the divorce. Do not try to alienate your ex where the children are concerned. When you truly love your kids, you need to ensure that they have everything they require though you do not share a good relationship with your former spouse.

You should not express your negative feelings about the other parent in front of the children

Look for an alternative outlet when you want to vent out your grudge and emotions about your ex, your friends, family members are a professional therapist can give you better support than your kids. After all, your kids are definitely not equipped to cope up with your negative emotions.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

 
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