Explaining To Your Spouse Why You Want A Divorce

You have been miserable with your marital life for years now and have often contemplated, breaking out of the wedlock and moving on. However, you could never really muster up the courage to stand up to your decision, until recently. After years of turmoil and conflicts, you have finally decided to part ways with your partner, and break free. However, now the next huge question glaring in your face is, how exactly are you supposed to break the news to your spouse, without inviting a sudden and angry outburst from him/her?  There are a few things to keep in mind while trying to address the topic in front of your partner, and make him/her realize the gravity of the situation.

Avoid keeping your spouse in the dark

Start conveying subtle signals of your misery and hopelessness in front of your spouse, weeks before you actually reveal your intentions to him/her. When your spouse is already aware of your dejection, he/she might not be in for a surprise when you ask him/her for a divorce. On the flipside, if you keep masking your true emotions in front of your partner, you might end up catching him/her unaware.

Choose the right time

It is best to ensure a correct timing when thinking of breaking such news to someone. Try to bring up the topic, when both of you are calm and have plenty time at hand, to discuss the issue in detail. Stay honest to your feelings, and state them with kind and polite words, instead of sparking off an emotionally loaded outburst.

Ensure your personal safety

There might be several cases, wherein an individual is apprehensive about his/her spouse’s response to the harsh revelation. In such cases, it is utmost essential, that you divulge your intentions to your partner, in the presence of a neutral and independent third-party, such as a marriage counselor or a therapist. You may also start the discussion at a public place, where there are plenty people around you. Although your partner’s reaction is not under your control, you can opt for ways to visually suppress his/her fury.

Be mature and calm

The most effective way around a turbulent situation as grave as a divorce is to keep your calm, stay focused, and being as mature as possible. Nothing will be gained out of showing your rage or discontent violently in front of your spouse. Parting your separate ways in a respectful manner, will help both of you, accept the transition with grace.

As is the fact, there is no polite way to break the news of a divorce to your partner. However, with some consideration for him/her, you may be able to avoid the unnecessary turmoil that might ensue.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law lawyer and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.