How To Deal With Post-Divorce Stress
Divorce will leave scars on everyone that goes through it. It doesn’t matter if the divorce was a mutual decision or a one-sided one, the feelings of loss and disconnection are common. Often, however, holding on these feelings makes the future worse both for yourself and your ex. There are 2 key things that you have to understand in order to get past your post-divorce stress:
Divorce will not change people
There are divorcees who have admitted that they never loved or stopped loving their exes but they still felt emotional towards them or frustrated by them. The main cause of this isn’t necessarily conflict – it’s that people have the misconception that divorce will change people. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. For example, if you were married to an overbearing narcissist then they won’t change after the divorce. Expecting them to be different when you meet them post-divorce will change the way you interact with them.
Remember that most sociopaths or narcissists thrive on the reaction that their actions or words get. Thus, they are less likely to change if you react the same way every time. You have to focus on changing your reactions to their sadistic behavior as there is no way for you to control them. Admittedly, this isn’t an easy task and requires daily effort.
Changing your perception
During the process of a divorce, people tend to put themselves down as they go through loss. A lot of divorcees end up looking at themselves as failures and spiral into self-pity. Self-pity can lead to divorcees getting stuck in a vicious cycle of over-compensating (partying,.dating new people constantly, indulging in substance abuse) and depression (lying in bed, giving up responsibilities). The key to getting over this is to change your perspective.
Look at divorce for what it really is, two people who once loved each other growing apart. Do not try to attach blame, either to your ex or yourself. Remember that neither of you are failures for choosing to end an unhappy marriage. Regardless of what happened in the past, you have to stop living through it over and over again. It is the only way to move on and maybe even make the divorce more amicable. Counseling is a great way for you and your ex to understand each others view points and move on after the divorce.
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