What To Expect When Negotiating With a Hostile Ex During Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorneys; The Maggio Law FirmThe way your estranged husband or wife behaves with you during negotiating for divorce settlement may have a direct effect on the amount of settlement you will eventually receive eventually, although exceptions do exist. Check out some of the things you can expect from a hostile ex during the divorce process.

Not being able to control his or her negative emotions

Nothing can be bitterer during a divorce than a husband or a wife who is emotionally installed. In case your spouse fails to keep his or her negative emotions within check and fails to use logic, you could be in for a big legal trouble if you are not cautious. Moreover, you need to contemplate that you will have to discuss your financial matters with a person who’s being irrational with his or her behavior and thought process. People with such unstable behavior are completely unreliable are not capable of handling their own finances in the first place. So, you can hardly expect to think about someone else’s financial issues. You may have to hire the services of an experienced divorce attorney apart from consulting a reputable psychologist to help you understand the irrational behaviors of your spouse.

Did he or she held the financial power while you both were married?

Was your spouse the primary bread winner while you were married? Do you feel he or she will try to take everything within their control? Has your ex hired the services of a good divorce attorney who is highly experienced in handling high-conflict divorces? If the answer is yes, do not expect them to change and renounce their ownership so easily? In fact, your divorce can make them more ruthless and ferocious while trying to retain emotional as well as political power over you.

In case your spouse is affluent and has hired a renowned divorce attorney, it could be a tough time for you unless you equip yourself with the same kind of attitude and legal arsenal.

Your spouse is anxious to get a divorce immediately

For instance, your spouse has been into a new relationship and as such want to extract everything possible to build their new life. So they want to end their existing marriage as quickly as possible. A ‘right now’ divorce may lead you financially and emotionally shattered. While your ex is trying to build a new life with his or her latest love interest, it can be quite money intensive. In scenarios like this, you should anticipate as well as get ready for a fierce battle while the divorce process is on.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Advice On How To Tell Your Kids You Are Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce attorney; The Maggio Law FirmIt is not an easy task to tell your kids that your spouse and you are getting divorced. However, you can still make things manageable to a certain extent when you abide by a simple plan formed on the basis of emotional comfort and truth. Check out some of the tips mentioned below to tell your children that you are divorcing their other parent.

Your children are not responsible for this situation and they should know this

The best way you can alleviate the pain of your kids dealing with your divorce is by telling them the reason why you are separating but in a manner that is easy for them to digest. Whatever is the truth and what you disclose to the children need not necessarily match. After all, it is not your kids’ fault and they need to be told this fact so that they do not feel guilty or unsure.

Maintain civility with your estranged or ex-spouse in front of the children

When you establish mutually agreed upon and clear expectations as well as boundaries about your divorce, your children will be less apprehensive and anxious. There should be proper clarity in the messages that are sent about your separation or divorce and the possible transitions thereafter. Your child may get baffled when he or she hears conflicting words from the people they trust the most in their lives. You may not have similar kind of parenting styles or not agree upon on day-to-day operations, when there is a unified front; your children are going to benefit from it.

Do not share information that is not apt for your kids

Avoid discussing adult details with them. There is a possibility that they will not even understand what you are trying to tell them and may even start resenting you for various reasons. It could be because you are using nasty words against the other parents offering them a concealed request for judging the prevailing situation and maybe even try to overburden them with your grief and predicament. Simply share with them what they must know and the communication should take place in a sincere and honest manner. After all, your focus should be on the children instead of on the grown-ups.

Stop playing the blame game

It is definite that you are aware of the cause of your separation. But your children need not know the actual reason. When you blame your soon-to-be former spouse for the impending divorce, there is a possibility that you are trying to force our child to take sides. You need to remember that it is unhealthy for your kid to feel that that the other parent should be blamed for the divorce or the separation.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Dealing With A Divorce You Did Not Want

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmThe repercussions of divorce can be quite severe for many who are affected by it. When a divorce is undesirable or unwanted, it can even drive some affected couple to become insane after all, you have given years of your life to the marriage, brought up your kids with much care and love and given unconditional support to your spouse. So, when the person you loved so much simply walks out from the marriage the agony can be heart-wrenching. Follow the below-mentioned things to avoid when you are at the receiving end of an undesirable divorce.

Stop discussing your ex constantly with your family members and friends

It is better to think less about your former spouse and when you talk less about him/her, you can achieve your purpose easily your emotions and pains will be easier to control when you talk about it but do not do it with everyone around you who shows an interest to know about your personal details. Rather, it is better to consult a reputable therapist or a close and dear friend and stop discussing your ex with all others about your feeling and divorce.

It is better to not call your former spouse

Just because your spouse listens to your voice over the phone does not mean that they are going to return to your life all over again. This is particularly applicable when you are testing or dialing them many times on each day. Since it was your ex who desired to get divorced and you gave them what they had asked for, do not get in touch with them unless it is very important. If your former spouse does not return to you, even you need not look back and try to throw yourself at such a person. Even though your marriage could not be restored, you should try to have your pride and self-respect intact. However, the exception to this rule is when you have minor kids from your marriage and you need to text or call them to discuss child-related matters.

Stop over-analyzing on what was not right in your failed marriage or how you could have behaved or done things in a different manner

You should definitely try to pinpoint as well as learn lessons from your past mistakes that you committed when you were married. Once you have managed to do so, it will not be as difficult to forget your painful past. What is done cannot be undone even you keep analyzing about your past. Over-analyzing will only give your self-pity and low self-esteem that should be avoided at all cost.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

The Circumstances Under Which Grandparents Can Win Custody Battles

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Grandparent rights in California; The Maggio Law FirmCustody battles are complicated issues and some are so convoluted that it becomes difficult to award custody to either of the parents. The other best alternative – grandparents. Every child finds comfort at their grandparents home so, it should not be surprising that they are next best custody seekers after parents. The best part about grandparents is that they can give the same about of love and care to the child and yet they are so different from the parents. However, grandparents should understand the situations in which they can win custody battles before applying for one.

If the parents are abusive

If one parent is abusive, the court usually awards custody to the other parent. But if both parents are abusive towards the child and if the court finds substantial evidence to support the claim, the custody can be awarded to grandparents.

If the parents choose grandparents as the primary caretakers

Parents have the power to choose who they want their kids to live with. However, grandparents must also show that they have lived and taken care of the child for a period of time. The best way for them to do this is by maintaining a calendar where the dates are marked.

If one of the parent dies

It is quite possible for one of the parents to pass away while the divorce proceeding is taking place. In such cases, it becomes difficult for the other parent to take care of his/her kids during a state of mourning. One option for them is sending their kids to live with their grandparents temporarily.

If the court decides

During custody battles, it is ultimately the court that will decide who the custody goes to. If the court rules both parents to be unfit for taking care of the children, it may award custody to the grandparents. The court’s judgment weighs majorly on what’s best for the child and therefore grandparents have a good chance of winning custody battles.

Conclusion

Custody battles can be complicated issues and sometime both parents end up losing custody of their children. The court considers the role of the grandparents in a child’s life and the grandparents prove to be fit for the role, the custody is awarded to them. However, grandparents should know and understand the various situations in which a custody can be granted to them.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

5 Things That Should Be Included In A Parenting Plan

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyers; The Maggio Law FirmGoing through a divorce is difficult for some and many undergo psychological pressure and stress. One of the main reason for that is the custody battle. As the divorce proceeding takes place, the threat of losing your children’s custody looms large. Every parent wants to spend time with his/her child and wants full custody after divorce. However, California courts will look into what’s best for the child and other factors before making a decision. That is why parents should come up with a great parenting plan so that both of them are satisfied and get substantial opportunity to spend time with their child. Here are five things that is absolutely necessary for a parenting plan.

  1. Fair parenting time

Kids are highly prone to psychological stress and to avoid that, make sure that both of you spend equal amount of time with your kid. You can also do it together if you want.

  1. Give importance to visitation hours

Visitation hours is the time when you will be quality time with your child. So, make the best of it. Have fun with your child and make them feel that they’re not being ignored.

  1. Power to change the plan

Situations change and sometimes it’s not in your hands to control the situation. A great parenting plan is flexible and should be changed if the situation demands so. Remember that the change should happen for the good of the child and not because you or your partner want it changed for your benefit.

  1. Dispute resolutions

Try settling disputes on your own instead of going to the court. A good parenting plan should be made in a way that helps settle disputes that arise due to custody and child care.

  1. The child should be the main focus

The reason why the parenting plan exists is because of the child and if the child is ignored then there’s no point of having a plan at all. Instead of building a parenting plan according to your convenience, make it around your child’s comfort.

Conclusion

Divorce becomes a tough issue when children get involved. Custody battles can be difficult for some and to avoid psychological stress and other problems, they must create a parenting plan that works best for everyone. The plan should especially cater to the needs of the child and both parents should devote the time and energy to look after their child.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

How to Prepare For Your Divorce Hearings At The Courthouse

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

divorce lawyers in Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmFamily court for divorces can be quite a scary place particularly for all those people who are in it for the first time in their lives. The success of a particular court hearing matters a lot to the divorcing party and so they should start preparing for it much before the actual day of their court hearing. The discussion that follows aims to explain the things to expect when a divorcing party arrives at a family court for their hearing.

Understanding the etiquette of the courtroom and the players

Whenever you arrive at a family court specializing in divorce cases, you should realize that there will be numerous other divorce attorneys and litigants who are waiting for their turns in the same courtroom. You should sit quietly and patiently while waiting.  You need to behave politely while the court clerk and the bailiff in the courtroom.  These people are also in control of deciding the sequence in which the cases are heard on a particular day. You should be sitting quietly and watch the judge dealing with the other cases while the court proceedings are on. Such an observation is invaluable as you can understand the kind of evidence or facts the judge is expecting specifically in a certain situation. You will also get time to understand the judge better.

Appreciate the type of a court hearing

All hearings are not of equal importance in a family court. A party involved in a divorce case should be aware of the kind of hearing that is coming up. Plus, they should know the kind of expectation during such a hearing. There are many occasions when a court schedules hearings whose aim is to simply provide status updates to the court on the progress of certain discovery and how a specific case will settle. Other hearings can be for a settlement meeting to make an attempt in compelling both the divorcing parties to come together and negotiate.

Clothing should be appropriate based on the nature of hearing

As soon as you realize the type of an upcoming heating of yours, it is important for you to introspect on the kind of message you are going to communicate to the judges. So for instance, you are seeking alimony, things may backfire even you appear at the court wearing a designer label and an expensive and stylish bag.  On the other hand, if the hearing is to settle child custody issues, you should endeavor to dress up like a mother or a father so that the judge gets a favorable impression about you.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Divorce Challenges When Your Spouse Has Mental Health Problems

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce lawyer; The Maggio Law FirmIt can be a difficult and complex decision to divorce your spouse, who is ailing from a mental illness. The decision frequently involves ensuring that proper diagnosis and treatment are carried out for the affected spouse first. The healthy spouse also has to think about the logistics issues while separating and have a check on the emotions that they have for splitting from somebody who is not well. Plus, there could be strong guilt and social pressure that may act as an obstacle to take the final call on divorce. Perhaps, it is the outcome of exchanging wedding vows in a traditional ceremony.
While breakups are not easy, ending a relationship with a spouse suffering from a mental health issues illness or a personality disorder can delay the decision of opting for a divorce. Now, that can be quite crazy.

Indecisiveness about taking the final call

There are several in incidents when guilty wives or empathetic husbands are in a strong dilemma to come out of an abusive relationship or an impaired spouse. There can be various causes such as mental illness, addiction to sex, alcohol or drugs. The struggle is a tough one since they may still have tender feelings for their spouses and also value their marriage vows. However, often such feelings are one-sided.

Such women and men keep searching for answers painstakingly on how to cope up with a spouse who is a bipolar personality a passively aggressive partner or a narcissist. These people seek out reasonable techniques to handle unpleasant situations. In a majority of cases, the area of concern remains the same although the actual diagnosis may vary. After all, they have to handle a partner who is in a position to appreciate reality and hence fairness, honesty or compromise may seem to be a far-fetched dream.

Challenges faced by spouses of mentally ill partners

Aggressive litigation and stonewalling are a couple of big challenges that are frequently faced by the spouses. It is often believed that people try to hire an attorney who is like them. So, it is likely that a vengeful partner may end up hiring a divorce attorney who is hostile and aggressive. Such attorneys can aggravate the illness of their clients. Additionally. when these clients have more wealth, they can get nastier and eventually end up destroying their families.

Although courts may not be of much help even now to protect such families, professionals like Orange County divorce mediators, coaches and therapists can create tools for helping people cope up with their high-conflict divorces.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

The Role Of A Child’s Therapist In A Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce lawyers Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmDivorces can be depressing and counseling is the best way to cope up with the situation. Apart from the adults, children, sometime require counseling. For children, counseling plays the same role – coping with the situation. Also, when children who get upset over their parent’s divorce are counseled, they become more emotionally stable. But it’s easier than it sounds because unlike adults, children show a wide range of emotions and therefore handling them becomes difficult. Age and development plays a major role in children who are trying to adjust to a divorce.

Counseling for children falls under two broad categories. The first one is group counseling and the second is individual divorce counseling.

Group counseling

In the first type, the counselor selects children whose parents have gone through a divorce and forms a group. Next, he/she talks to them like one would talk to a small class. Different issues are addressed and the counselor tries to understand what the children need and how he/she can provide them. Group counseling is mostly beneficial for kids over the age of 12. Children in this age group understand better when they are in a group because then they don’t feel isolated. They don’t think that they are the only one who is going through such a situation. Also, it makes it easy for them to bond with complete strangers.

Individual divorce counseling

Individual divorce counseling is mostly given to younger children. But in some cases, it works well with teens and adults as well. Children who require counseling that will help them in the long-term benefit from this type of counseling. The counseling session helps relieve stress and counselors teach children how to release their emotions. As a result, the children develop coping skills to better deal with stress and depression.

The little research that has been done on individual counseling has shown that children do show signs of improvement after their counseling sessions. Children have also shown to develop positivity and increased performance in academics and other activities.

Conclusion

Counseling plays a vital role in helping couples battle depression, anxiety and a variety of emotions. It is being increasingly used in children to help them cope up with their parent’s divorce. Be it in a group or on an individual level, counseling children has helped them gain a variety of positive characteristics that will be useful in the long run.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Creating Successful Parenting Plans After Divorce

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

child custody attorneys Orange County; The Maggio Law FirmLife after divorce can be tough for those who have trouble coping up with their new lifestyle. They often have a hard time managing finances and time. Another important thing that they have trouble dealing with is children. A divorce may affect children in a negative way or it might not affect them at all. Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand the situation. Making good and smart parenting plans is one way of handling it. A parenting plan is equivalent to a guidebook for handling children after divorce. You must make changes but how and what changes should you make?

Creating effective plans

The first thing that you must keep in mind when making parenting plans is that the same plan won’t work for everyone. The ideal plan should contain all your children’s needs without compromising too much on your own comfort. Here are some additional steps you can follow to make the plan even better.

  1. Separate feelings from behavior

Feeling hurt, angry and depressed are common emotions after a divorce. However, none of them should be directed towards your children. If you want, take some time out for yourself until you’re mentally prepared to take care of your kids. But that does not mean you should ignore them. In fact, include them in your plan and go for a vacation or do some fun stuff together until your mind clears off.

Research has shown that children of divorced couples have a tendency to act violently due to adverse psychological effects. Never show your negative feelings to your children. Always remember that they are watching you.

  1. Protect your children

The very reason you are creating a parental plan is because you care about your children and don’t want anything bad to happen to them. Both you and your ex. should include plenty of time where your children spends time with both of you. Whatever problems you might have, keep them to yourself and don’t let them tarnish your relationship with your children.

  1. Make plans as a team

Before your divorce, your children were used to both of you doing things as a family. After a divorce, you should try letting your children have the same feeling. It is tough but at least you can make parental plans that includes doing activities as a family.

Conclusion

Parental plans play an important role in divorce because they protect a child from falling into negative environments. Creating successful parental plans involves the participation of both parent as a team.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

What Can And Cannot Be Considered As Income For Child Support

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce attorneys in Orange County; The Maggio Law Firm, Inc.Divorce is always a difficult period for the couple going through the procedure. The proceedings, however, are much harder if there are children involved. Children below the age of 18 are involved in the unpleasant business of divorce despite their unwillingness. Divorce settlements often do not proceed smoothly especially when there are issues revolving around child support. Debates often arise when it comes to calculating the percentage of an individual’s income that goes into child support. Confusions can also arise when it comes to determining the type of income that can and cannot be considered as child support.

Income considered as child support

Generally, income is a broad term that encompasses the monetary benefits an individual attains from work, pensions, dividends, rental properties, trust funds, and so on. When it comes to divorce settlements for individuals who own businesses in Orange County, California, income is calculated by subtracting the expenses incurred in the business from the gross revenue generated by the business. Courts may also extend the calculated income to include any monetary benefits that are instrumental in reducing the living expenses of an individual.

Recent laws also classify financial gifts received from an individual’s parents as income.

Details on how much of a person’s income actually goes into child support are explicitly stated under the California Family Code Section 4050. Usually, the amount that goes into child support is calculated by taking into account the incomes of both parents, the time the child spends with each of the parents, and any tax reductions that are applicable. An estimate for the amount to be paid can be calculated using the California Guideline Child Support Calculator that is based on California Child Support Guidelines.

Income that cannot be considered as child support

Deciding income that cannot be considered as child support is a difficult task. It varies according to state laws and sometimes according to what the court decides. Despite uncertainties, there are certain types of income that are not eligible to be considered as child support according to Orange County laws. Benefits arising from life insurance policies, any income that is speculative, stock options that cannot be liquidated, and settlements from disputes relating to personal injury cannot be considered as income for child support. Gifts like cars and household items that are not monetary in nature are not considered income. These are a few situations where the resulting monetary benefits are not considered an actual stable income. Each of these situations is subject to change depending on the final decision taken by the Court.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

 
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