Breaking the News of Divorce to Adult Children

“We cannot divorce, the kids are too small to deal with it” is a common phrase spoken by parents who, despite not being happy with their marriage, decline to proceed with divorce. Ironically, most of these couples will go for a divorce once their kids have passed the age of 18. What parents like this need to realize is that irrespective of the age of the child, divorce can affect them. Even after the child becomes an adult, seeing their parents end their marriage can leave a lasting impression.

Once the kids are all grown up, they’ll either be studying in college, working their sweat off or starting a life, having kids and experiencing all that their parent’s did; responsibilities, commitments and relationships. For them, their mom and dad are the ideals of a successful marital life. So when the same parents decide to get an Orange County divorce, fighting one another in court, it comes as a shock that could shake their world to the core.

Hence, it is important that you soften the blow by breaking the news to them properly.

A Family Huddle

This is perhaps the biggest news you’ve had to break to them. So make sure that you have all of your children gathered at one place to hear the news. Both the spouses, not just one, needs to talk to them in person, to build a mild background for their decision before breaking the news.

Yet, whenever that is done, it has to be done subtly. Prepare for what you have to say to the children and the most important thing is presenting the decision as one that is taken mutually, in consultation. Now is not the time to put blame on one another.

Be Prepared for Questions and Shock

This is not ordinary news for your adult children and you shouldn’t expect them to simply take it in their stride and move on. Once the news has settled, they will react to it. Their reaction can be one of two things; they will ask a lot of questions, express dissatisfaction or anger or do both simultaneously.

Remember they are no longer kids, so their questions may be pin point, and ones that make you uncomfortable answering. The fact that they are adults will be highlighted in their questions. Some children may even break down. Irrespective of your feeling towards the other spouse or the reason for you to get an Orange County divorce, you need to reassure your children of your presence for them as a parent. Tell them that you will put up a united front, whenever the need arises. This will go a long way in preparing them for things to come.

When you end your relation with your spouse, the way you end it will leave a lasting impression on your children. It is best that you choose Orange County divorce mediation instead of a court fought divorce, since that is more peaceful and cooperative.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.

Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law attorney and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.