Tips for Moving On From the Gray Divorce of Your Parents

It is a fact that the number of “gray divorces” has grown at an alarming rate, especially in the last twenty years. And yet, there are very few guidelines on how the adult children from these divorced families should cope up with their changing family structures and mental states. There are many such adult children who face loyalty conflicts since they are often compelled to take sides. And although these children may not have to take sides, they can be stressful while making an attempt to maintain proper boundaries, particularly when their parents are constantly at loggerheads with each other.

Check out the following tips if you are one of these adult children who want to move on from your parents’ gray divorce:

Control your urge to act as a friend, parent or mediator for your divorced parents

It is natural to feel sympathy when either your parents or both of them request you to resolve their conflicts or are expecting you to act as their mediator or counselor. But you need to be out of such parental disputes and let them know about your decision in clear terms.

 Create and sustain healthy boundaries

When both or either of your divorced parents are too much dependent and constantly want your support or are revealing excessive personal information to you, they should be told about your exact feelings. Likewise, if one parent is criticizing the other parent in front of you, it is time that you tell them not to do it.

Share activities with them that are enjoyable to all of you

You should not let the divorce of your patents determine your relationship with them. Make it a point to enjoy activities together and tell them that you do not want to discuss the matter of their divorce with them.

Your emotions should be expressed to your parents calmly and honestly

Adult children in general and daughters, in particular, may go through a lot of emotional upheavals when they get to know about the impending split of their parents. You should let your parents know what you feel about the entire situation rather than suffering silently.

Be cordial to both your extended families

In case you are serious about keeping an amicable relationship with the families of both your parents, then let your parents know this goal of yours. It is normal for adult children from gray divorces to feel an urge to develop strong bonds with their parents’ extended family members as it offers them the feeling of a closeness and belonging.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated!  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law lawyer and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.