Understanding That Divorce Can Still Impact Adult Children

It is often natural for many divorced parents to assume their decision to divorce has not affected their adult children since they are grown up now and hands-on parenting days are not needed anymore. Many parents make the mistake of thinking that their grown up kids are better equipped to rationalize or handle their situations in a better manner, but the fact is that no matter whether your child is aged thirteen or nineteen, it is not an easy thing to hear that their parents have decided to end the marriage.

While grown up children are not unfamiliar with the concept of divorce, seeing it happening with their own parents may feel differently. So, as parents of these children, here are a few things which matter to them a lot.

Your divorce can shake their world

As parents, you may feel that your divorce will cause less hurt to them since they are grown up now, but it is not so. Though your relationship might not have been a perfect one, they had always seen both of you together. Do not be surprised when you find them retreating into a shell in shock after learning your plans to divorce. And you need to take a speedy remedial action so that they do not take any drastic measure like leaving the home out of anger and shock. Moreover, your children will need some time to get adjusted to such a big and sudden change in their lives, so it will be wrong to expect that everything will be fine with them soon.

Your decision to divorce may create uncertainty

When grown-up children see their parents happy in a marriage, it helps them to realize the importance of the institution of marriage. Parents’ marriage had been an important part of their lives after all.  Their entire ideas about family, bonding and relationship can get severely impacted when your decision to separate reaches them. They will start questioning whether what they have been witnessing through their growing years were real or not.  They have doubts about the real meaning of love and whether their parents had really loved each other or not. Chances are that they may start doubting even their own relationships.

They would wonder if they can lead a happy married life or they will ever be ready for a long-term commitment or not. Parents have a crucial role to play at this juncture and help their children to understand that they would be able to make a variety of choices. Moreover, history does not always necessarily repeat itself. They need a reassurance that they should try learning from your mistakes in life so that they have a great future ahead.

Getting divorced in California can be complicated.  Download our free eBook, 18 Important Things to Know About California Divorce to educate yourself on the process.  

Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law lawyer and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.